Hate crime close to home....what is your take....

[christie]

Belle -

We live in a TINY town in the SW portion of VA - we are very familiar with your struggle in living an authentic life while protecting your, your family's (in our case, my son's) personal safety.

I think, for the most part, folks are pretty non-pulsed by us. I think that I am more aware of our differences than most folks in our lil town. I like to think that by just living our lives we are changing some of the sterotypical ideas that folks have about dykes. We try to shop local and support local small business when possible and everyone we have encountered on a regular basis from repair folks to furniture store owners seem to gravitate towards us. The furniture shop owner has visited our home and when we were looking to special order some macdaddy leather sofas, she took us to her home to view the set she had purchased. Just last Sunday, the local mechanic and his wife, who I would have thought were stereotypical rednecks, stopped us in Wally World to ask if I could come by and talk about becoming their accountant since they are unhappy with their current one.

Our neighbors are nice folks and we try to take them meals when we entertain - both are elderly and don't seem to have a lot of family.

We have a rainbow flower thingy hanging from the rearview on the vehicle I primarily drive and an HRC sticker in the back window. We don't fly a rainbow flag in the yard although I did paint the columns on the porch a purpledy red color (Jess says its fuschia) and the new metal roof will be the same color when its installed. That's about as far as our "advertising" goes.

I know how isolating the invisibility can be and often feel it if not accompanied by Jess - and I don't know how to resolve that inner voice without tattooing "dyke" on my forehead.

I think you owe it to yourself to live as openly as you are comfortable with - and I will re-iterate that I think most of the "othering" comes from what energy I put out there. Most folks just walk on past without a word.

Christie

[rlin]

ms belle...
i live in small town GA...
for 30 years i didnt let myself be out and proud... when i finally did... i found out that really... most ppl dont care...
look at your neighbors... take a good hard look... sadly i would point out even the younger males... if you dont see total ignorance... i would suggest that you let yourself be whoever the hell you feel like being...
what is our lives if we arent living them the way we want?

take a small step... see how you feel afterward...

sometimes i think... we just have to be in this totally for ourselves...

i hope there is no one that you are afraid of that close to you... if there is i would urge you now to get the hell out as soon as you can... no one should live that way... fear is terrible for our senses...

p.s.
would i be assuming correctly to think that you might have the same sweet southern drawl as the poor femme on the newsreel that lost her house??

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Belle -

We live in a TINY town in the SW portion of VA - we are very familiar with your struggle in living an authentic life while protecting your, your family's (in our case, my son's) personal safety.

I think, for the most part, folks are pretty non-pulsed by us. I think that I am more aware of our differences than most folks in our lil town. I like to think that by just living our lives we are changing some of the sterotypical ideas that folks have about dykes. We try to shop local and support local small business when possible and everyone we have encountered on a regular basis from repair folks to furniture store owners seem to gravitate towards us. The furniture shop owner has visited our home and when we were looking to special order some macdaddy leather sofas, she took us to her home to view the set she had purchased. Just last Sunday, the local mechanic and his wife, who I would have thought were stereotypical rednecks, stopped us in Wally World to ask if I could come by and talk about becoming their accountant since they are unhappy with their current one.

Our neighbors are nice folks and we try to take them meals when we entertain - both are elderly and don't seem to have a lot of family.

We have a rainbow flower thingy hanging from the rearview on the vehicle I primarily drive and an HRC sticker in the back window. We don't fly a rainbow flag in the yard although I did paint the columns on the porch a purpledy red color (Jess says its fuschia) and the new metal roof will be the same color when its installed. That's about as far as our "advertising" goes.

I know how isolating the invisibility can be and often feel it if not accompanied by Jess - and I don't know how to resolve that inner voice without tattooing "dyke" on my forehead.

I think you owe it to yourself to live as openly as you are comfortable with - and I will re-iterate that I think most of the "othering" comes from what energy I put out there. Most folks just walk on past without a word.

Christie

Thank you Christie...good advice. You do seem to understand. Thank you for posting...you are a sweety.

Originally Posted by rlin

ms belle...
i live in small town GA...
for 30 years i didnt let myself be out and proud... when i finally did... i found out that really... most ppl dont care...
look at your neighbors... take a good hard look... sadly i would point out even the younger males... if you dont see total ignorance... i would suggest that you let yourself be whoever the hell you feel like being...
what is our lives if we arent living them the way we want?

take a small step... see how you feel afterward...

sometimes i think... we just have to be in this totally for ourselves...

i hope there is no one that you are afraid of that close to you... if there is i would urge you now to get the hell out as soon as you can... no one should live that way... fear is terrible for our senses...

p.s.
would i be assuming correctly to think that you might have the same sweet southern drawl as the poor femme on the newsreel that lost her house??

Like others have said...small steps I believe is a good idea. My immediate neighbors don't care. They, for the most part, know. I've been here 20 years. One long term past gay relationship of 8 years so don't take a brain surgeon to figure it out I'm sure.

I guess today...I am just a little beside myself, so to speak. I've cried, prayed lit candles and I'm just so angry about what I read I just want to scream: I'M GAY TOO AND THERE ARE MANY OF US HERE.... I believe it comes from loving as humans from one to another when ANYONE is hurt. Then taking it a step further...they are "family" which gets my southern blood boiling that I didn't help in any way. I didn't fly the rainbow flag like I've debated on for years. Would that have helped? of course not, not them. But would it help the couple that moves in down the street that does live it openly and flys that flag? Maybe...that is where my head is today....

Small steps...good advice.

.....and yes i sound just like that girl sorta kinda i suppose...would have to ask someone who has talked to me cause i sound completely "normal" to me....lol.

[christie]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I guess today...I am just a little beside myself, so to speak. I've cried, prayed lit candles and I'm just so angry about what I read I just want to scream: I'M GAY TOO AND THERE ARE MANY OF US HERE.... I believe it comes from loving as humans from one to another when ANYONE is hurt. Then taking it a step further...they are "family" which gets my southern blood boiling that I didn't help in any way. I didn't fly the rainbow flag like I've debated on for years. Would that have helped? of course not, not them. But would it help the couple that moves in down the street that does live it openly and flys that flag? Maybe...that is where my head is today....

Small steps...good advice.

.....and yes i sound just like that girl sorta kinda i suppose...would have to ask someone who has talked to me cause i sound completely "normal" to me....lol.

Belle -

Don't beat yourself up with "shoulda, woulda, coulda" - look towards tomorrow with "shall, will, can"

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. It IS about small steps. Its taken the better part of a year to call out to Jess in the grocery, "Honey!!" without wondering if BillyBubbaJoeBob and SueEllenMayBob are going to follow us to the car and then home to firebomb our house while we sleep.

The small steps ARE important and one day, you will be able to just be you without fear being in the forefront. You'll be zipping down the aisles of Wally World, openly holding hands without even thinking about it.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Belle -

Don't beat yourself up with "shoulda, woulda, coulda" - look towards tomorrow with "shall, will, can"

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. It IS about small steps. Its taken the better part of a year to call out to Jess in the grocery, "Honey!!" without wondering if BillyBubbaJoeBob and SueEllenMayBob are going to follow us to the car and then home to firebomb our house while we sleep.

The small steps ARE important and one day, you will be able to just be you without fear being in the forefront. You'll be zipping down the aisles of Wally World, openly holding hands without even thinking about it.

I think you are now my new femme crush LOL. Thanks honey...you are the best.

...forgive me for the following....

And in honor of where my heart is today...hokey...naive...idealistic...hurting...bea ting...loving...simple...stengthening...learning.. .gay....sentimental and trying to understand this world i live in....I must post this because, well, I am what "I" am!!!!!

[Rockinonahigh]

When I started my first semester of culinary college I shure didnt hide the fact of who I was,nor did I hide the fact I was queer as they come,to my suprise there were atleast six other queers in the course of clases.No one had a prob with anything but I still kept to myself and my nose in the books cause a lot of the ppl in clas came from places where being queer was gonna get u hurt if not worse..infact three weeks into the class there was near a gang riot in bake shop cause some kid got in a wad about being in class with a faggott as he called the gay boy in the class,it took school secutity to break it up.Over time the rest of the queer group graduated out and I was the last man standing.We had gotten another chef to assist the ex chef cause of a huge amount of students in class..she was ex military..hated queers as well as anyone that didnt fit her idea of what normal was,by time we had gotten thure the first five weeks of class she had turned the 60 some odd class roster into 35 ppl..grown men left to get away from her.SHe had four hench men who kissed her a$$ for anything they could do to stay on her good side even to the point of phisyical violence,I guarentee it was verbaly abusive big time..myself an one other person was always in the line of fire.Dont think it wasnt reported to the ex chef..he said deal with it...several went to the dean..cant help u at all she said.as I only had one more semester to graduate out of college I just dug my boot heels in and did what I had to do to get done with it all.It was the blessing of whatever higher power I had then that I didnt do what was going around in my head cause I was so pissed off,frustrated,tired,discusted thet by time my last day of class was over I had an ulser from stress.I herd the school fired her not long after it was all done.I reported it to my disablity counselor..he said..what can I do..there is nothing u can do..let it go...move on.I gess the thing is in this day an age someone,not just me,had to be treated this way trying to get an education.

[Lady Pamela]

WE STILL HAV A LONG WAY TO GO!

Here is link to the story.

http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/...ds-help?ref=nf

[christie]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I think you are now my new femme crush LOL. Thanks honey...you are the best.

...forgive me for the following....

And in honor of where my heart is today...hokey...naive...idealistic...hurting...bea ting...loving...simple...stengthening...learning.. .gay....sentimental and trying to understand this world i live in....I must post this because, well, I am what "I" am!!!!!

Yay! I love femme crushes!

IF (and when) you ever understand the world we live in, share, k?



We will be rolling thru East TN on our way to Nashvegas later this week. Its really no wonder you live in fear. Everytime we pass thru (about once per quarter at the very least), it seems as if there are MORE giant crosses AND confederate flags atop hills. I try not to stop in and around Bristol - it really does creep me out.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

When I started my first semester of culinary college I shure didnt hide the fact of who I was,nor did I hide the fact I was queer as they come,to my suprise there were atleast six other queers in the course of clases.No one had a prob with anything but I still kept to myself and my nose in the books cause a lot of the ppl in clas came from places where being queer was gonna get u hurt if not worse..infact three weeks into the class there was near a gang riot in bake shop cause some kid got in a wad about being in class with a faggott as he called the gay boy in the class,it took school secutity to break it up.Over time the rest of the queer group graduated out and I was the last man standing.We had gotten another chef to assist the ex chef cause of a huge amount of students in class..she was ex military..hated queers as well as anyone that didnt fit her idea of what normal was,by time we had gotten thure the first five weeks of class she had turned the 60 some odd class roster into 35 ppl..grown men left to get away from her.SHe had four hench men who kissed her a$$ for anything they could do to stay on her good side even to the point of phisyical violence,I guarentee it was verbaly abusive big time..myself an one other person was always in the line of fire.Dont think it wasnt reported to the ex chef..he said deal with it...several went to the dean..cant help u at all she said.as I only had one more semester to graduate out of college I just dug my boot heels in and did what I had to do to get done with it all.It was the blessing of whatever higher power I had then that I didnt do what was going around in my head cause I was so pissed off,frustrated,tired,discusted thet by time my last day of class was over I had an ulser from stress.I herd the school fired her not long after it was all done.I reported it to my disablity counselor..he said..what can I do..there is nothing u can do..let it go...move on.I gess the thing is in this day an age someone,not just me,had to be treated this way trying to get an education.

It is sad and it is truth. It is shameful and it is exhaustingly dehumanization and glows of ignorance. I am sorry this happened. I am truly sorry...I am glad you made it out of there in one piece.

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

WE STILL HAV A LONG WAY TO GO!

Here is link to the story.

http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/...ds-help?ref=nf

Thank you Lady Pamela for the link.....still shaking my head in horror and disbelief and anger.

Originally Posted by christie0918

Yay! I love femme crushes!

IF (and when) you ever understand the world we live in, share, k?



We will be rolling thru East TN on our way to Nashvegas later this week. Its really no wonder you live in fear. Everytime we pass thru (about once per quarter at the very least), it seems as if there are MORE giant crosses AND confederate flags atop hills. I try not to stop in and around Bristol - it really does creep me out.

If you two ever come through K-town and wanna sit a spell give me a yell....