Learning To Live Half-Alive?

The_Lady_Snow · 02-05-2011, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I know.

I just wish I didn't love her... believe me, I do. I have always loved her... and what's happening right now seems like a nightmare - completely unbelievable. Illogical and confusing

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

bigbutchmistie · 02-05-2011, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Amen

Snowy is right again...

WhiteTigress · 02-05-2011, 06:07 PM

Prox,

Follow the advise that Snowy and the others have given you, and until you can get in with a counselor, spend time with other friends around you. Don't close yourself in, and don't stay alone all the time.

I speak from experience. My friends made sure that I went with them to do things, and it helped me heal. If you have other single friends who aren't out cruising, those are the best to hang out with. Perhaps hanging out with just couples will compound how you are feeling.

If all else fails, turn to us here at the Planet for support. We'll be here for you.

WT

rlin · 02-05-2011, 06:12 PM

the Snow post is spot on...
of course we know its not easy... part of the healing process is the work that is put in to fix the fucked uppedness of it all...
your logical brain will kick in when the anger does... thats lots easier to deal with...
of course... i dont know for sure that i would listen to shit that I had to say about matters of the heart... just sayin...

Oiler41 · 02-05-2011, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck

Absolutely agree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Again, absolutely agree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by suebee

I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.

I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life.

Hugs,

Sue

And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

proximitywithoutintimacy · 02-05-2011, 06:18 PM

I know for certain that it's not lust or co-dependency, but I appreciate your advice, all of you.

I know what I need to do. I guess my problem is trying to figure out how this happened, because... you don't throw away five years like that for someone you barely know. You just don't.

Thanks for the support...

The_Lady_Snow · 02-05-2011, 06:22 PM

Rational people don't, an alcoholic will, perhaps you've heard of Al-Anon? I think you may be able to move forward if you go to one of their meetings, since your logic seems to be blinded by something else.

Your ex is an alcoholic, you won't move on, you are now in charge of that pain leaving your space. She's not coming back, if she does it's gonna be ugly like before, and do you really wanna spend your youth on someone who doesn't care enough about themselves let alone you?

DapperButch · 02-05-2011, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oiler41

Absolutely agree.

Again, absolutely agree.

And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

Excellent advice. Take space and no contact. And if she cares for you when you ask her to not contact you, she will respect that request. If she doesn't, than she is more concerned with her own desires and not respecting what you say you need.

girl_dee · 02-05-2011, 06:23 PM

Take it as the Universe pushing your hand... alcoholics only have one real love. The booze will win everytime. Sorry it has to hurt so bad when this happens.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 02-05-2011, 06:29 PM

I've been to a meeting. I've been thinking about going to more, but I want to check out some meetings for myself, first, to help cope with my anxiety.

It's not that I'm hysterical or anything - I really hope y'all don't think I'm just having the fit of a lifetime...

I'm just feeling really... broken. I guess it's a devastation to lose not only my love, but my best friend.

Thank you.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 02-05-2011, 06:32 PM

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women...

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/

WhiteTigress · 02-05-2011, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

If you have the capability on your cell phone, block her number. She will only keep tearing the scabs off the wounds if you let her keep calling. Stop her now, for YOUR sake.

WT

Random · 02-05-2011, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women...

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/

No contact... period

Tell her that you need time.. (at least six months at the very least) and if she won't respect that time then block her.. block everything and delete her phone number from you phone...

If need be .. burn that bridge and tell her that you will get a restraining order...

You need to be oh so selfish right now... What she wants, needs, desires is not your concern... (I know that is hard) She chose her path and you no longer have any responciblilties twards her...

I've been where you were... One min I'm thinking I'm getting a new ring for christmas and the next min her new girl friend is moving in...

I was broken... That girl was broken beyond repair...

But you know what? The woman who came out that hell is a stronger, wiser, happier and healthier person that that girl ever was...

Take your time putting yourself back together... Take a brutal look at your self... see what your part you played...

The only one who can put yourself back together is you...

02-05-2011, 06:22 PM	#7
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,080 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Rational people don't, an alcoholic will, perhaps you've heard of Al-Anon? I think you may be able to move forward if you go to one of their meetings, since your logic seems to be blinded by something else. Your ex is an alcoholic, you won't move on, you are now in charge of that pain leaving your space. She's not coming back, if she does it's gonna be ugly like before, and do you really wanna spend your youth on someone who doesn't care enough about themselves let alone you? __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

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02-05-2011, 06:07 PM	#3
WhiteTigress Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, somewhat high maintenance Preferred Pronoun?: She. There should be no doubt! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the ORIGINAL capital of Texas Posts: 207 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10 Thanked 212 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 201111	Prox, Follow the advise that Snowy and the others have given you, and until you can get in with a counselor, spend time with other friends around you. Don't close yourself in, and don't stay alone all the time. I speak from experience. My friends made sure that I went with them to do things, and it helped me heal. If you have other single friends who aren't out cruising, those are the best to hang out with. Perhaps hanging out with just couples will compound how you are feeling. If all else fails, turn to us here at the Planet for support. We'll be here for you. WT

02-05-2011, 06:12 PM	#4
rlin Member How Do You Identify?: human Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: nomad Posts: 712 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,450 Thanked 1,189 Times in 451 Posts Rep Power: 1004849	the Snow post is spot on... of course we know its not easy... part of the healing process is the work that is put in to fix the fucked uppedness of it all... your logical brain will kick in when the anger does... thats lots easier to deal with... of course... i dont know for sure that i would listen to shit that I had to say about matters of the heart... just sayin...

02-05-2011, 06:18 PM	#6
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I know for certain that it's not lust or co-dependency, but I appreciate your advice, all of you. I know what I need to do. I guess my problem is trying to figure out how this happened, because... you don't throw away five years like that for someone you barely know. You just don't. Thanks for the support...

02-05-2011, 06:23 PM	#9
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,832 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Take it as the Universe pushing your hand... alcoholics only have one real love. The booze will win everytime. Sorry it has to hurt so bad when this happens.

02-05-2011, 06:29 PM	#10
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I've been to a meeting. I've been thinking about going to more, but I want to check out some meetings for myself, first, to help cope with my anxiety. It's not that I'm hysterical or anything - I really hope y'all don't think I'm just having the fit of a lifetime... I'm just feeling really... broken. I guess it's a devastation to lose not only my love, but my best friend. Thank you.

02-05-2011, 06:32 PM	#11
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..." I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday. Damn women... And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/