Female Bodies Across Gender Identities

BullDog · 01-11-2010, 12:01 PM

Amelia, I think you made some really great points about the way public spaces such as restrooms and dressing rooms assume 2 genders and that people are heterosexual, which is so not the case and causes lots of confusion and difficulty.

Unfortunately the reality is that a majority of violent crimes are committed by men against women. Of course there are women who can physically assault women or men as well as men who can assault other men, but these do not occur as frequently. So women in places like public restrooms or dressing rooms can feel uncomfortable if they perceive men in the room. I do understand this.

As a female I can also feel uncomfortable in dressing rooms with lots of men in them. When I am feeling uncomfortable I will carry my clothes over to the womens dressing room. I don't use Mens restrooms. I was a custodian in college for a few summers, and no offense to anyone but I would prefer to never see the inside of a Mens restroom ever again. To me the cleanliness factor between the two was no comparison.

I myself tend to be the most uncomfortable around young males, especially when they are in groups, because they are the ones who have hassled me the most. It doesn't mean all young males are bad.

I don't usually get hassled in public restrooms. I am perceived to be female most of the time, although not always. Awhile ago I had gone to the barbershop to get my hair cut. Then I wanted to get lunch. As I was going into the restaurant a group of people was going in. One was an elderly woman in a walker. After I had ordered my lunch I went to use the restroom. I always use the Womens. It was a small bathroom with 2 stalls. After I was behind the stall, I noticed someone came in. I could see the walker. I tried to get out of the bathroom as soon as I could just to make sure I would not startle an elderly woman in a walker in case I confused her. I was not trying to be ageist or anything. For all I know she could have turned around and said, "nice haircut." But I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable in a small public space so I got out as soon as I could. So I do try to be aware that in some situations I might make someone uncomfortable in female spaces because I am not the typical female they might be expecting.

There are some unisex bathrooms where I live, but they are one stall like in some restaurants. I do use them when they are available.

Bit, thank you for participating in the thread. To me it was clear it was the perving you were uncomfortable with, not gay women. You said ANYONE.

Jess, yes I think as females we have some of the same issues that femmes have and that is one of the reasons I started the thread, so we could all talk together. I have also had parents physically pull their children farther away from me in public. I love children, so yeah that is hurtful to me.

Thank you everyone who is participating in the thread. I look forward to more good convo.

Bit · 01-11-2010, 12:44 PM

I'm going to try one more time, and if it still isn't clear, I'll drop it.

We were talking about the discomfort of being naked in a semi-public place. We were talking about being "perved on"--in other words, ogled in a sexual manner while we are naked in a semi-public place--by strangers. We were talking about privacy.

The context was dressing rooms, so I thought about the dressing rooms I have used. I've almost never used an empty women's dressing room; they've almost always been teeming with children, teens, and women I have presumed were straight. I seldom see anyone I can recognize as a fellow queer in a dressing room.

When Amelia followed the logical path of the discussion and talked about how dressing rooms are segregated for sexual safety, but society turns a blind eye on having queers use same sex dressing rooms, she said in an ironic way--and I did catch the irony--"Gay Women can perve on each other."

Two things. The first is that I immediately identified as a Gay Woman being perved on. Otherwise, WHY would I have any kind of reaction, right?

The second is, all those children, teens and straight women flashed into my mind, and I want N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do with "perving on" any of them. I don't want that idea anywhere near me. It is distasteful in the extreme to me. It is the specter of "perverted queers" and pedophilia. My reaction to that is ALWAYS going to be "get it AWAY from me NOW."

I personally do not want to BE perved on, nor do I ever want to be ASSOCIATED IN ANY WAY with perving on another person--ANY PERSON--in a dressing room. That is completely and utterly distasteful to me.

In this context--and I emphasize that, IN THIS CONTEXT--"perving on" someone is not looking at a picture posted for public consumption in a gallery and smiling. In this context, "perving on" someone else is looking at their naked body with non-consensual sexual intent; it is an invasion of their privacy. That kind of sexual invasion is completely and utterly distasteful to me, no matter who does it. I do not want to be associated with it in any way.

Jett · 01-11-2010, 01:24 PM

Alright then... what was the thread about?

Yeah I really don't have an issue about which dressing room I use... until I read this thread I guess I didn't realize I don't really think about it. But now I'm thinking how it doesn't seem terribly fair that I feel I have the right to use the mens at my leisure... but then would take issue with a run of the mill straight male wanting to use the female rooms.

Though gay women in there obviously doesn't skiv me at all... interesting but it makes sense because I know (for me) it has everything to do with history.

gaymer · 01-11-2010, 02:01 PM

being female-bodied means i am more often than not mistaken for being a woman. and therefore a "she". and not the "he" i am.

being female means i have to deal with my vagina. i bleed. gawd, i HATE bleeding. i have to go to the gyno.

being female means i have to deal with my chest even though i wish it was flat. i guess i could change this. i have thought about it. and i dont do it for several reasons: i am not a male or a man and dont want to be assumed for one, i have had that part of my body all my life- what if i miss it?, major surgery freaks me out. eventually i will have to have a mamogram.

it's interesting... when i dream about myself and my body... my chest is always flat and my genital area is always a weird fog.

i love having a vagina for the pleasure i receive from it. i love being fisted. i regulary use my vibrator. i do not enjoy receiving oral sex except for every once in a great while and then it's usually pretty quick experience. i love getting fucked by dicks and fists. i HATE just a finger pokin me. i LOVE the way my strap hits my parts when i am fucking someone with my dick.

01-11-2010, 12:01 PM	#1
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Amelia, I think you made some really great points about the way public spaces such as restrooms and dressing rooms assume 2 genders and that people are heterosexual, which is so not the case and causes lots of confusion and difficulty. Unfortunately the reality is that a majority of violent crimes are committed by men against women. Of course there are women who can physically assault women or men as well as men who can assault other men, but these do not occur as frequently. So women in places like public restrooms or dressing rooms can feel uncomfortable if they perceive men in the room. I do understand this. As a female I can also feel uncomfortable in dressing rooms with lots of men in them. When I am feeling uncomfortable I will carry my clothes over to the womens dressing room. I don't use Mens restrooms. I was a custodian in college for a few summers, and no offense to anyone but I would prefer to never see the inside of a Mens restroom ever again. To me the cleanliness factor between the two was no comparison. I myself tend to be the most uncomfortable around young males, especially when they are in groups, because they are the ones who have hassled me the most. It doesn't mean all young males are bad. I don't usually get hassled in public restrooms. I am perceived to be female most of the time, although not always. Awhile ago I had gone to the barbershop to get my hair cut. Then I wanted to get lunch. As I was going into the restaurant a group of people was going in. One was an elderly woman in a walker. After I had ordered my lunch I went to use the restroom. I always use the Womens. It was a small bathroom with 2 stalls. After I was behind the stall, I noticed someone came in. I could see the walker. I tried to get out of the bathroom as soon as I could just to make sure I would not startle an elderly woman in a walker in case I confused her. I was not trying to be ageist or anything. For all I know she could have turned around and said, "nice haircut." But I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable in a small public space so I got out as soon as I could. So I do try to be aware that in some situations I might make someone uncomfortable in female spaces because I am not the typical female they might be expecting. There are some unisex bathrooms where I live, but they are one stall like in some restaurants. I do use them when they are available. Bit, thank you for participating in the thread. To me it was clear it was the perving you were uncomfortable with, not gay women. You said ANYONE. Jess, yes I think as females we have some of the same issues that femmes have and that is one of the reasons I started the thread, so we could all talk together. I have also had parents physically pull their children farther away from me in public. I love children, so yeah that is hurtful to me. Thank you everyone who is participating in the thread. I look forward to more good convo. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

01-11-2010, 01:24 PM	#3
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Alright then... what was the thread about? Yeah I really don't have an issue about which dressing room I use... until I read this thread I guess I didn't realize I don't really think about it. But now I'm thinking how it doesn't seem terribly fair that I feel I have the right to use the mens at my leisure... but then would take issue with a run of the mill straight male wanting to use the female rooms. Though gay women in there obviously doesn't skiv me at all... interesting but it makes sense because I know (for me) it has everything to do with history. __________________ .......... In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

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01-11-2010, 12:44 PM	#2
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778870	I'm going to try one more time, and if it still isn't clear, I'll drop it. We were talking about the discomfort of being naked in a semi-public place. We were talking about being "perved on"--in other words, ogled in a sexual manner while we are naked in a semi-public place--by strangers. We were talking about privacy. The context was dressing rooms, so I thought about the dressing rooms I have used. I've almost never used an empty women's dressing room; they've almost always been teeming with children, teens, and women I have presumed were straight. I seldom see anyone I can recognize as a fellow queer in a dressing room. When Amelia followed the logical path of the discussion and talked about how dressing rooms are segregated for sexual safety, but society turns a blind eye on having queers use same sex dressing rooms, she said in an ironic way--and I did catch the irony--"Gay Women can perve on each other." Two things. The first is that I immediately identified as a Gay Woman being perved on. Otherwise, WHY would I have any kind of reaction, right? The second is, all those children, teens and straight women flashed into my mind, and I want N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do with "perving on" any of them. I don't want that idea anywhere near me. It is distasteful in the extreme to me. It is the specter of "perverted queers" and pedophilia. My reaction to that is ALWAYS going to be "get it AWAY from me NOW." I personally do not want to BE perved on, nor do I ever want to be ASSOCIATED IN ANY WAY with perving on another person--*ANY PERSON--in a dressing room. That is completely and utterly distasteful to me. In this context--and I emphasize that, IN THIS CONTEXT--"perving on" someone is not looking at a picture posted for public consumption in a gallery and smiling. In this context, "perving on" someone else is looking at their naked body with non-consensual sexual intent; it is an invasion of their privacy.* That kind of sexual invasion is completely and utterly distasteful to me, no matter who does it. I do not want to be associated with it in any way.

01-11-2010, 02:01 PM	#4
gaymer Junior Member How Do You Identify?: tg butch Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: oakland, ca Posts: 1 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 1 Post Rep Power: 0	being female-bodied means i am more often than not mistaken for being a woman. and therefore a "she". and not the "he" i am. being female means i have to deal with my vagina. i bleed. gawd, i HATE bleeding. i have to go to the gyno. being female means i have to deal with my chest even though i wish it was flat. i guess i could change this. i have thought about it. and i dont do it for several reasons: i am not a male or a man and dont want to be assumed for one, i have had that part of my body all my life- what if i miss it?, major surgery freaks me out. eventually i will have to have a mamogram. it's interesting... when i dream about myself and my body... my chest is always flat and my genital area is always a weird fog. i love having a vagina for the pleasure i receive from it. i love being fisted. i regulary use my vibrator. i do not enjoy receiving oral sex except for every once in a great while and then it's usually pretty quick experience. i love getting fucked by dicks and fists. i HATE just a finger pokin me. i LOVE the way my strap hits my parts when i am fucking someone with my dick.