Rethinking our partner wishlists. Is it "settling" or adjusting to reality?

[Lynn]

On the one hand, experience in and out of relationships over the years has helped me clarify what qualities I want in a partner. On the other hand, as I myself have become stronger, as an individual, the exact attributes (the "list") have become very flexible.

I don't need someone to make a certain amount of money--I make my own. I don't need someone to have the same religious beliefs or educational level. Who am I to impose that on anyone? I can respect their beliefs and background if they can respect mine. I have a certain appreciation for butch women, so that's still there. What has become most important, as I get older, is that the person with whom I'm spending most of my time be ethical, caring, kind, and have a great sense of humor.

I say I'd rather be alone than compromise, and I say that I'm enough, by myself. But, as I am in a relationship, it's hard for me to say that I am being entirely honest with myself. Were I single, I know for sure that I would be inclined to seek companionship because I love sharing life with someone. I haven't always made the best choices, but I hope I've gotten better. And, should I ever become single again, I hope I can be as self-assured and mature as I'd like.