Dating women with children, any thoughts?

[Strappie]

My ex had two children. We got a long for the most part. The one thing we (my ex and I) talked about before we decided to live together was that I was not going to be involved with discipline. I needed to establish that I was not their parent that I was there to help guide them if they came to me. Which the youngest she always came to me. I think she just needed someone to listen to. Her mom wasn't good at listening to her (it was a shame) because her daughter was exactly like her and my ex was exactly like her mother.

However the problem that my ex and I had was that my ex would not come out to the kids. However we slept in the same bed, yet we were unable to be affectionate outside the bedroom. After a year of living together I became some what of the disciplinary person because she would get so mad at me if I didn't handle things. It eventually made me resent her for it. We eventually broke up, it that was one reason we didn't make it.

As I look back... I'd do it all over again. However, the woman I end up with will be out to her kids and I will not be the disciplinary person. I think that is very important not to waltz right in and think you can be a parent. Depending on the age of the kid/s it's all a matter of how well they adapt to the two of you together. A young child is in my opinion different but a pre-teen or teenagers are off limits to discipline in a new relationship.

I would totally date a Mother, I find Mom's super sexy!

[Starbuck]

I'm dating a mom right now, her daughters are 7 and 12 and she is their disciplinarian; however, with that in mind she said I have her persmission to discipline them if they disrespect me in any way. I still do feel comfortable doing that so I leave it up to her. My way to deal with them is through love, which is a different approach than hers (authoritarian). They both come to me and love me very much and I absolutely adore both of them. There's my wish it could all work out for us. That is my wish that I never want to admit to.

[Lizzy]

Originally Posted by Strappie

My ex had two children. We got a long for the most part. The one thing we (my ex and I) talked about before we decided to live together was that I was not going to be involved with discipline. I needed to establish that I was not their parent that I was there to help guide them if they came to me. Which the youngest she always came to me. I think she just needed someone to listen to. Her mom wasn't good at listening to her (it was a shame) because her daughter was exactly like her and my ex was exactly like her mother.

However the problem that my ex and I had was that my ex would not come out to the kids. However we slept in the same bed, yet we were unable to be affectionate outside the bedroom. After a year of living together I became some what of the disciplinary person because she would get so mad at me if I didn't handle things. It eventually made me resent her for it. We eventually broke up, it that was one reason we didn't make it.


As I look back... I'd do it all over again. However, the woman I end up with will be out to her kids and I will not be the disciplinary person. I think that is very important not to waltz right in and think you can be a parent. Depending on the age of the kid/s it's all a matter of how well they adapt to the two of you together. A young child is in my opinion different but a pre-teen or teenagers are off limits to discipline in a new relationship.

I would totally date a Mother, I find Mom's super sexy!

Dating with children is very difficult.There is a fine line to walk.I always wanted my kids to respect my partner and listen to both of us but I found my kids began to get resentful when my partner would step in and try to discipline them.Then we tried to have only myself deal with behavior issues and that was not easy either but it seemed to work out much better.When one of the kids would act up my partner would tell me about whatever the situation was and then I would speak to the boys and determine the punishment.

I also agree that the age the children are depends on how easily the adjustment is.My kids were ten and four when my partner and I got together.My ten year old blamed my partner for the breakup of my marriage(this wasn't true but he believed it)so he already held a grudge so he was very sensative.My younger son was only four so he was much more open to my partner and listend a whole lot better.

[bigbutchmistie]

As a general rule I dont date women with kids at home. This is a personal preference. However I do admire those that can. I agree with some of the posts here that say if you arent gonna be around for the long haul dont come around the kids. Also, I think that if you are going to partner with someone with kids you should appear to the kids as a "united front". Whatever mom says goes whatever the other says goes. So on and so forth. And I cant stand it when I see someone with kids just bring whomever they are dating around their kids. Kids arent stupid they see through all of it.

Anyway, good luck to you... And all of you who have children and are partnered and or trying to partner with those that do.

[J. Mason]

Thank you for everyone who has responded I am glad to see positive discussion and am looking forward to more posts.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I would totally date a Mother, I find Mom's super sexy!

I'm wondering, what is it about moms, that you find so sexy?

[spritzerJ]

This thread has so many thoughtful responses. I am learning much by reading through it. Thank you for providing honest answers and opening to share experiences.

I am the mom of a kiddo at home, just now 6 years. I took nearly 3 years off from dating when my daughter was little (between the end of a relationship and starting to date again). It was tricky to get back into dating. The last time I had she wasn't there and this meant a whole new level of planning and changed what I was looking for.

I've made mistakes when not clear about who I was a mom dating. The biggest was accepting someone's assertion that they wanted a family without leading the discussion about what that meant practically day to day with a young child. I let the cozy dreams be enough. What I did question was not responded to thoughtfully and that should have been a clue to me. My child was intentional and thoughtfully planned. I learned to extend "our" to welcome those that can honor that.

I have made wonderful friends who for whom dating didn't work for but in their respect for my daughter and I's relationship have earned them a welcome spot at our table any day. Treasured friends for sure. In the end when I keep dating private and respectful friendships shared I know my daughter sees the place of friends in our lives. She also has learned a broader understanding of girl/boy presentations. I am grateful again to friends who are themselves, answer blunt little kid questions and let me explain further.

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

[TimilDeeps]

I have. I would, again. or not depends on how the rest of my life goes?

[jac]

Originally Posted by jenna8987

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

Yes, different relationships grow at different paces and with different significance. It doesn't mean the love and acceptance aren't just as deep seated in the heart. Some things can't be rushed and it isn't always up to the adult to determine the pace. Children are much wiser than given credit for. The young ones have a natural instict to determine who is safe and who isn't... allow them to make this realization in a healthy manner and in their time, in their understanding and with loving adult guidence.

I look forward to growing with both of these relationships at their own pace and in thier own way. I love to watch a mother and child bond (I have three of my own). None of them are the same... like snowflakes, all are different, unique and precious in their own way. I also enjoy creating a seperate bond with her child, one that all three of us can appreciate and feel safe in. Bring on the moments yet to come and let's cherish those we have already created...

[Lizzy]

I think it is different every time. I have been in a long on and off relationship but I try to keep the door open between my kids and my partner. It took them many years to develop a bond as my kids were very resentful at first. They felt like it was my partners fault that I was no longer with their Dad.The reality was it had nothing to do with my partner but they were young and didn't understand. As they have gotten older they built up trust with my partner but it was a long and bumpy road.

[grenade]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I'm wondering, what is it about moms, that you find so sexy?

I will answer this from my own perspective. I never felt sexier in my life than I did with an 9 month baby belly in stretch lace. There was something to pregnancy that unleashed the woman in me and left me no longer a girl. Something changed inside. I am more confident now, stretch marks and saggy bits, than I ever was when my body was "perfect' to mainstream society.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by grenade

I will answer this from my own perspective. I never felt sexier in my life than I did with an 9 month baby belly in stretch lace. There was something to pregnancy that unleashed the woman in me and left me no longer a girl. Something changed inside. I am more confident now, stretch marks and saggy bits, than I ever was when my body was "perfect' to mainstream society.

That's so beautiful! I wonder what moment made me realize I'm "no longer a girl," as you felt, pregnant and in stretch lace. I think there have been more than a few! You've got me daydreaming about it...