You Knew You Were a Femme When...

Library_girl · 08-24-2011, 03:23 AM

Ohhhh Martina.........YUM. Love that Martina.

For me, I first knew I was a femme when I realized that all these butch women really appreciated my femme qualities. I was in college and I'd been out of the closet for about 4-5 years. I was just being myself, really. And I was dating this girl who was very butch. At that time, at least in that part of the country, it was very un-cool and politically incorrect to be femme. You were either butch, soft butch, androgynous, or just the granola type. Well, I was none of those; I was just me!! And I will never forget my butch gf at the time was so enamored, and she'd say "Wow, you're the only lesbian in town who wears a skirt and lipstick!" It was like I was from another planet, but a planet she really liked. Then I just met more and more who liked it, and I started "investigating". I'm such a librarian. I was reading everything I could get my hands on, and immersing myself in the B/F community. Soon after, Leslea Newman put together the book "The Femme Mystique". Somehow I hooked up with her and I'm in the book. (twice!) This was around the same time that "Stone Butch Blues" came out. I got to meet Leslie Feinberg too. (whoa)

Okay so that's a long damn story. Sorry, I got all sentimental. Those were awesome days. So I guess I didn't have to figure out my femme-ness, I just didn't have to keep trying to fit into a non-femme community anymore, and that was such freedom. But yes, the butch counterparts really helped that freedom become possible, and I am forever grateful.

God I love butches.

lettertodaddy · 08-24-2011, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Library_girl

God I love butches.

Amen and hallelujah!

What a great story, Library_girl. Thanks for sharing it!

*Anya* · 08-24-2011, 07:40 AM

I can really relate to Library Girl. When I came out, everyone was butch or granola (like that description LG).

My 1st GF & I were femme. I loved her dearly but knew something was missing.

I went to visit an old friend I had met in NOW (full of lesbians) & she was very butch. I always felt a pull towards her but not sure why.

I went to visit her one night after the femme & I broke up. We were sitting on her couch in Santa Monica with a joint (but I didn't inhale *wink*) & she said: "come here". I asked why: "Because I want to kiss you, that's why".

My stomach dropped out and I felt "that thing" that enormous attraction that I had never felt before and it just all made sense to me in that very minute. I wasn't attracted to my femme sisters in the same, profound, soul-searing way that I was to butches.

Later, I used to love to tease my butch saying things like: " I think I'll cut my hair, start wearing boots & look butch. What do you think?" she would always have a big laugh and very kindly say: "Baby, you could never look butch if you tried".

I just loved that.

lettertodaddy · 08-24-2011, 07:46 AM

I can so relate to what you both said, Anya and Library_girl. I came out in the late 80s/early 90s when everyone was androgynous. Even when I ran around in Doc Martens, denim cut-offs and Queer Nation t-shirts, I was too femme for the crowd of university-educated feminist dykes I was running around with. Oddly enough, I wasn't femme enough for the working-class butches and studs I grew up with.

The 90s were a lonely and confusing time for me.

The_Lady_Snow · 08-24-2011, 08:18 AM

I embraced my gender in my late 20's I was always identifying as a Leather Dyke since that's what fit me, my femininity showed regardless of how I dressed and as I entered my 30's I embraced my Femme as gender simply because it fit. It's who I am, how I am and it makes sense. I stumbled upon other femmes via Leather & the dash site and it was wonderful and amazing to meet, interact and communicate with other Femmes that I could relate to.

In my journey Femme encompasses everything I am even within my own natural masculinity and has yet to be connected to anyone I fuck. I'm Femme regardless if I'm single, fucking, dating, partnered etc. I am Femme period.

AlphaDrug · 08-24-2011, 01:41 PM

I thought this was a You KNOW your a femme when, not knew... but I was to post my initial responce to it anyways.

This one is bad but at least for me it's so true...
You know your a femme when you look at a teenage boy and hope their a boi/girl.

... I catch myself doing this all the time. T_T It's kind of pathetic.

The_Lady_Snow · 08-24-2011, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

I thought this was a You KNOW your a femme when, not knew... but I was to post my initial responce to it anyways.

This one is bad but at least for me it's so true...
You know your a femme when you look at a teenage boy and hope their a boi/girl.

... I catch myself doing this all the time. T_T It's kind of pathetic.

I used to wish Scott Baio was a woman!!! Then I found out he's a sexist ass clown!! Bleh

Reader · 08-24-2011, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by June

I knew when a Butch ED of a Non Profit I was doing volunteer work for listened to me voicing my concerns that I didn't look like anyone else and how I didn't know how to do it that way and worried if I would ever fit in.

She looked at me and said "You're a Femme. It's okay, some of us really like that."

I'll say.

HEEEEEL YEEEAH WE DO!!
(ok, i normally lurk, but i just hadda say that!)

08-24-2011, 07:40 AM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I can really relate to Library Girl. When I came out, everyone was butch or granola (like that description LG). My 1st GF & I were femme. I loved her dearly but knew something was missing. I went to visit an old friend I had met in NOW (full of lesbians) & she was very butch. I always felt a pull towards her but not sure why. I went to visit her one night after the femme & I broke up. We were sitting on her couch in Santa Monica with a joint (but I didn't inhale wink) & she said: "come here". I asked why: "Because I want to kiss you, that's why". My stomach dropped out and I felt "that thing" that enormous attraction that I had never felt before and it just all made sense to me in that very minute. I wasn't attracted to my femme sisters in the same, profound, soul-searing way that I was to butches. Later, I used to love to tease my butch saying things like: " I think I'll cut my hair, start wearing boots & look butch. What do you think?" she would always have a big laugh and very kindly say: "Baby, you could never look butch if you tried". I just loved that. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

08-24-2011, 07:46 AM	#4
lettertodaddy Member How Do You Identify?: dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: vancouver, bc Posts: 240 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 157 Thanked 715 Times in 158 Posts Rep Power: 8075874	I can so relate to what you both said, Anya and Library_girl. I came out in the late 80s/early 90s when everyone was androgynous. Even when I ran around in Doc Martens, denim cut-offs and Queer Nation t-shirts, I was too femme for the crowd of university-educated feminist dykes I was running around with. Oddly enough, I wasn't femme enough for the working-class butches and studs I grew up with. The 90s were a lonely and confusing time for me. __________________ "If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name: Last edited by lettertodaddy; 08-24-2011 at 07:47 AM. Reason: Stupid autocorrect.

08-24-2011, 08:18 AM	#5
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,076 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	Sharing I embraced my gender in my late 20's I was always identifying as a Leather Dyke since that's what fit me, my femininity showed regardless of how I dressed and as I entered my 30's I embraced my Femme as gender simply because it fit. It's who I am, how I am and it makes sense. I stumbled upon other femmes via Leather & the dash site and it was wonderful and amazing to meet, interact and communicate with other Femmes that I could relate to. In my journey Femme encompasses everything I am even within my own natural masculinity and has yet to be connected to anyone I fuck. I'm Femme regardless if I'm single, fucking, dating, partnered etc. I am Femme period. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

08-24-2011, 01:41 PM	#6
AlphaDrug Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female Relationship Status: Fresh Meat Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Reisterstown, MD Posts: 102 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 55 Thanked 300 Times in 75 Posts Rep Power: 3148780	I thought this was a You KNOW your a femme when, not knew... but I was to post my initial responce to it anyways. This one is bad but at least for me it's so true... You know your a femme when you look at a teenage boy and hope their a boi/girl. ... I catch myself doing this all the time. T_T It's kind of pathetic. __________________ "Theres only us, theres only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way... No day but today!"

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08-24-2011, 03:23 AM	#1
Library_girl Member How Do You Identify?: Old School Femme, girl, babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, & other girly words Relationship Status: Married to DJ Bear Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Happily married in Nevada Posts: 378 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,113 Thanked 1,247 Times in 280 Posts Rep Power: 13864640	Ohhhh Martina.........YUM. Love that Martina. For me, I first knew I was a femme when I realized that all these butch women really appreciated my femme qualities. I was in college and I'd been out of the closet for about 4-5 years. I was just being myself, really. And I was dating this girl who was very butch. At that time, at least in that part of the country, it was very un-cool and politically incorrect to be femme. You were either butch, soft butch, androgynous, or just the granola type. Well, I was none of those; I was just me!! And I will never forget my butch gf at the time was so enamored, and she'd say "Wow, you're the only lesbian in town who wears a skirt and lipstick!" It was like I was from another planet, but a planet she really liked. Then I just met more and more who liked it, and I started "investigating". I'm such a librarian. I was reading everything I could get my hands on, and immersing myself in the B/F community. Soon after, Leslea Newman put together the book "The Femme Mystique". Somehow I hooked up with her and I'm in the book. (twice!) This was around the same time that "Stone Butch Blues" came out. I got to meet Leslie Feinberg too. (whoa) Okay so that's a long damn story. Sorry, I got all sentimental. Those were awesome days. So I guess I didn't have to figure out my femme-ness, I just didn't have to keep trying to fit into a non-femme community anymore, and that was such freedom. But yes, the butch counterparts really helped that freedom become possible, and I am forever grateful. God I love butches.