You Knew You Were a Femme When...

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by June

I don't think Femme is about makeup, heels, accessories or being a Top or bottom.

Femme can be a backwards baseball hat and some boxers if you're feeling it.

Yes!! Femme is also cock hangin', boot wearing mean mother fucking Daddy!!

WOOF!

[Julie]

Hi Arkansas,

I just read your post... I came out as a Femme in the late 70's -- Sometime in the early 90's I decided I did not want to be Femme anymore and if anybody referred to me as Femme, I would challenge them. I was tired of being boxed in and tired of people saying I was not a true lesbian. Whatever -- I was not as secure back then. That lasted a few years -- A live in relationship with another Femme was enough for me to say - Screw THIS! I am a Femme who loves Butches and I am not denying it anymore.

I dated a butch, she was good for me in one or two ways. I was still teetering on the edge and protective of my identity. She said to me... You can deny you are a Femme all you want (she was much older than I was)... But, just look at the way you stand - perfect ballerina stance (lol) and how you speak your language. No matter what I wore -- Baggy Jeans, workshirt and work boots in the garden... I am Femme. And as Snow said (Cock Wearing) -- Does not make you less of a Femme (remember that older butch - nuff said). Top or Bottom. Femme is Femme. It is the core of our being and at almost 50 -- I am finally not putting up with other people and their bullshit. I am not allowing others to box me in.

Nobody can take anything away from us. NOTHING. Not our feminism, our lesbianism, our femme - NOTHING.

I also remember when I first joined a site (like this - an old one) I felt so out of place. I thought, GOD -- Look at these gorgeous glamorous women... I will never be one of them. I will never look like them. No, I will not ever look like them... I will look like me. Simple Julie. The girl who rarely wears makeup... Who crops her hair. Oh and the girl who just loves her flannel granny (oh so sexy) nightgowns with her ugg boots.

You are beautiful just as you are. None of us are alike and that is what makes us so profoundly amazing.

Julie (and I am so happy to meet you)

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Julie

Hi Arkansas,

I just read your post... I came out as a Femme in the late 70's -- Sometime in the early 90's I decided I did not want to be Femme anymore and if anybody referred to me as Femme, I would challenge them. I was tired of being boxed in and tired of people saying I was not a true lesbian. Whatever -- I was not as secure back then. That lasted a few years -- A live in relationship with another Femme was enough for me to say - Screw THIS! I am a Femme who loves Butches and I am not denying it anymore.

I love that statement, "I am a Femme who loves Butches and I am not denying it anymore." You know, that is the same kind of declaration that I made to myself when I came out, that I am a lesbian, I love women, and I am not denying it anymore. I had not felt that kind of empowerment and self truth many times in my life. Awesome!


I dated a butch, she was good for me in one or two ways. I was still teetering on the edge and protective of my identity. She said to me... You can deny you are a Femme all you want (she was much older than I was)... But, just look at the way you stand - perfect ballerina stance (lol) and how you speak your language. No matter what I wore -- Baggy Jeans, workshirt and work boots in the garden... I am Femme. And as Snow said (Cock Wearing) -- Does not make you less of a Femme (remember that older butch - nuff said). Top or Bottom. Femme is Femme. It is the core of our being and at almost 50 -- I am finally not putting up with other people and their bullshit. I am not allowing others to box me in.

"It is the core of our being.." YES! This is at the core of ME, and I will not box myself in or allow anyone to box me in either.


I also remember when I first joined a site (like this - an old one) I felt so out of place. I thought, GOD -- Look at these gorgeous glamorous women... I will never be one of them. I will never look like them. No, I will not ever look like them... I will look like me. Simple Julie. The girl who rarely wears makeup... Who crops her hair. Oh and the girl who just loves her flannel granny (oh so sexy) nightgowns with her ugg boots.

I SOOO relate to this, THANK YOU! (and yeah, I crop my hair short too)

You are beautiful just as you are. None of us are alike and that is what makes us so profoundly amazing.

Julie (and I am so happy to meet you)

So very happy to meet you, Julie!!

[Starbuck]

I've never been a girly girl. I've played sports, wear jeans and t-shirts as every day clothes, but I'm just now getting into "girl clothes" as my daughter puts it (she says she's proud of me ) and it still feels a bit strange; maybe I'm coming into my own as I age. But I've always been attracted to soft butch type women or lipstick lesbians because in a way they have a butchness about them and they look so good too...the best of both worlds, right?

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

I've never been a girly girl. I've played sports, wear jeans and t-shirts as every day clothes, but I'm just now getting into "girl clothes" as my daughter puts it (she says she's proud of me ) and it still feels a bit strange; maybe I'm coming into my own as I age. But I've always been attracted to soft butch type women or lipstick lesbians because in a way they have a butchness about them and they look so good too...the best of both worlds, right?

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

Not being a "girly girl", being more of a toolbelt femme, if you will. Does that make sense? I own more tools than some men. I'm a tom boy, I guess, but I have long hair, wear eye make up on occasion, starting to wear girlie tops with my jeans...not a "full" femme in my definition of it all. I don't know if that answers your question.

[Martina]

i discovered femme ID through wanting butches. i was pretty androgynous. In some ways, i still am. i am probably andro on the femme side if one is just using those terms descriptively.

i like the fact that i stretch the definition some. If someone butched me up, i probably could pass as a butch.

Still, i am femme even though i am not that feminine. i am femme even though i will date other femmes. i am femme because i decided i was femme at some point and made it mine.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Martina

i discovered femme ID through wanting butches. i was pretty androgynous. In some ways, i still am. i am probably andro on the femme side if one is just using those terms descriptively.

i like the fact that i stretch the definition some. If someone butched me up, i probably could pass as a butch.

Still, i am femme even though i am not that feminine. i am femme even though i will date other femmes. i am femme because i decided i was femme at some point and made it mine.

This brings to mind the year that I "butched up" for a Halloween costume contest. White t-shirt, leather vest, black jeans, Daddy's cap, fake handlebar mustache, long flogger hanging from my belt. I actually won first place at that contest (noone could believe it was me!) I adopted a stance, adopted a very masculine stride, had a masculine PRESENCE!

What was REALLY hilarious with that get up is the story of me packing, and what happened for THAT! Now I think I am gonna have to hold on to THAT particular story till the Reunion this October. ROFL

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

Thats the stone-femme vs. soft-femme for me at least. A stone-femme is girly girl 24-7, doesn't leave the house without makeup, wont do activities that might break a nail or mess her hair. Where as a soft-femme is more likely to go hiking, jump into the ocean, risk breaking a nail or fix a toilet, that kind of thing. XD

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

Thats the stone-femme vs. soft-femme for me at least. A stone-femme is girly girl 24-7, doesn't leave the house without makeup, wont do activities that might break a nail or mess her hair. Where as a soft-femme is more likely to go hiking, jump into the ocean, risk breaking a nail or fix a toilet, that kind of thing. XD

I'm a stone femme till I'm not, it's more when I'm fucking, strapping that it's present. I don't want to be touched *I* want to be the one touching and fucking. If I'm getting blown no matter how deep down the throat my cock is he better keep his balance on his own since I forbid touch. My attire or cosmetics have nothing to do with my stone self. That's just another view of stone.


Lovin' this thread!

[princessbelle]

The only access i had to being a lesbian was very limited here where i grew up. Most all the gay/queer people that i knew and know here in town, at gay bars, were/are butch or Ftm or masculine. I felt so out of place. They looked at me funny, they stoopped talking when i walked up to them, they thought i was odd or at least that is how i perceived it. They were not into "femmes" i know that now. But, it left me lost. I felt abandoned by my own community. I didn't fit in the straight world or what i knew of the gay world.

My first real girlfriend was butch which is what i've always been attracted to. I remember on our 2nd or 3rd date i appologized for being feminine. I felt embarressed by it, as if i were a freak in the gay world. I even offered to "butch up" a little or try to. She looked at me and said "Are you freaking kidding me? Your exactly what i like, don't you dare change a thing".

I was shocked someone could be attracted to my femininity.

But, not until i came online and found bf sites did i realize i had an actual ID which was femme. That there are others "like" me out there and i didn't have to change who i was. That i was ok.

It is so wonderful to belong some where. No matter how we dress, grow our hair, walk, talk, love or laugh, we are a sisterhood. I am so honored to be a part of that.

[lettertodaddy]

Aw, this post gave me the warm fuzzies.

[*Anya*]

I totally agree femme is not about make-up, heels, etc. Never wear heels or use makeup, well ok, occasionally I will powder my nose if it is shiny and I guess I have been known to curl my eyelashes-hey I like how it looks.

I wear my hair long just because it feels like *me*.

Joking aside, those are superficial things.

To me, femme is an essence, the counterpoint to a butch, the ying and yang, my complement, if you will.

The same way I can spot a butch a mile away in a snowstorm, I can spot a femme, regardless of how she is dressed.

[VintageFemme]

I like this thread. I like reading about all my sisters and the diversity that is femme. And I totally agree with a post I read [I'm sorry I forget which it was] where someone called it an 'essence'. To me that's exactly what it is. While I differ than a lot of everyone posting here in that I am very femme in appearance and mannerisms - and I'm very traditional ofos when it comes to relationships and our roles in them, this thing we call 'femme' is indeed more than clothes, accessories or personal style. It's something you either have or do not have, you are or are not. Again, it is that essence spoken of. I first knew I was femme the moment I fell in love with my first butch. I think that was the moment I also became a woman.

[cuddlyfemme]

I wasn't sure that I was a Femme for awhile. I knew I liked being really femine and was attracted to more masculine women. When I was talking about this to my cousin (who is a Butch), hy pointed out that I was a Femme and explained things to me. I am out but it was easy for me since my cousin was out before I was. Because of my cousin being a Butch, my family automatically thought that all gay people were like hy was and wouldn't believe that I was gay because of that

[Gemme]

I knew I was femme when I stumbled onto the dash site and sat there, reading pages of definitions and reading oodles of threads on identity and presentation and I had an AHA! moment.

I found myself through others.

The more I read cemented my feeling of finally belonging to something....belonging somewhere...in this world. My unique presentation of femme has been evolving through the years and I'm sure will continue to evolve.

As mentioned, it's not in the hair or clothes or even the mannerisms. For me, it's in the blood.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I knew I was femme when I stumbled onto the dash site and sat there, reading pages of definitions and reading oodles of threads on identity and presentation and I had an AHA! moment.

I found myself through others.

The more I read cemented my feeling of finally belonging to something....belonging somewhere...in this world. My unique presentation of femme has been evolving through the years and I'm sure will continue to evolve.

As mentioned, it's not in the hair or clothes or even the mannerisms. For me, it's in the blood.

Yes yes!!!!

What a beautiful and significant and life altering line that is Gemme...thank you for that. Isn't that just amazing?

I hardly ever wear heels and i like it that way. I wear t-shirts and shorts and tennis shoes or sandals. I don't even wear dresses all that much and just on special occasions. I wear black jeans and boots and my hair in a pony tail a lot of the time. I don't appologize for that. I am ME. I have some very feminine traits as well and i do not appologize for that either.

We are all so unique and different and united.

How wonderful is that.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Yes!! Femme is also cock hangin', boot wearing mean mother fucking Daddy!!

WOOF!

Lady Snow,

Girlfriend, I do love the way you think! This brings me back to the first time I tried using a harness and cock to fuck my girlfriend. It was WEIRD, I tell you! But then again, so was the first time I Topped someone, as oppose to being the bottom. Certainly it took some mental work to get into the headspace I thought was needed by me to do that. LOL

I think that Femme can also be cock hangin, boot wearing mean mother fucking... Ma'am!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Lady Snow,

Girlfriend, I do love the way you think! This brings me back to the first time I tried using a harness and cock to fuck my girlfriend. It was WEIRD, I tell you! But then again, so was the first time I Topped someone, as oppose to being the bottom. Certainly it took some mental work to get into the headspace I thought was needed by me to do that. LOL

I think that Femme can also be cock hangin, boot wearing mean mother fucking... Ma'am!

I don't fuck with a cock because I'm topping, nor do I view being penetrated as bottoming how I enjoy sex (which to me is pleasure nothing to do with the binary) has nothing (for me) to do with my gender (Femme). That's the beauty of it all for me Femme is raw, unapologetic POWER.. That's HOT!