Beyond Owning It...

[Elijah]

Just for clarity, advice is fine as long as the poster has asked for advice.

Originally Posted by dixielady

I haven't even posted in this thread yet but already I see "advice". lol I have the same exact issues: easily frustrated, lack of patience, use of venom.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Just for clarity, advice is fine as long as the poster has asked for advice.

I am aware. I wasn't giving advice. I was saying that I was coming into the thread to post my own and ask for advice, yet SA had posted some really good thoughts related to my same issue which I jokingly stated was the advice "I" was looking for (as in, there it was before I even asked).

[Elijah]

Ah, okay...I misunderstood you. Thank you for the clarity. *s

Originally Posted by dixielady

I am aware. I wasn't giving advice. I was saying that I was coming into the thread to post my own and ask for advice, yet SA had posted some really good thoughts related to my same issue which I jokingly stated was the advice "I" was looking for (as in, there it was before I even asked).

[dixie]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Ah, okay...I misunderstood you. Thank you for the clarity. *s

I totally own the fact that my written communication skills are lacking a lot of the time. I really wish I knew a way to communicate better with words than with voice. I read and re-read before posting yet things still come across in ways other than I intended. If anyone has any advice to help with this, I would really appreciate it!

[sara-bera]

I panic. Over silly things, usually. It's definitely better today then it was even a year ago, but I still panic sometimes.

I'm occasionally impatient. I've gotten a little better at letting the universe unfold as it's meant to. Every so often though, I still just want to "make something happen right now."

I've gotten angry twice this year. Next year, I will go the whole year without anger. I'm looking forward to it. Letting go of anger has been so rewarding.

I'm super duper, ridiculously, painfully shy. I love to talk to strangers and meet new people, but I almost can't unless they talk to me first. And heaven forbid it's someone I'm attracted to - before I speak to them, my chest feels like it's going to explode. I don't know how to work on this other than to push through it and talk to people whenever I can.

[foxyshaman]

Regarding the "in" me I had a brain spasm which brought forth a good idea to combine the out and in personalities.

I have been asked to lend my name and skills to a particular event. I agreed, the more the merrier. So, I will perform a story, which I love to do. Storytelling is one of my favorite things to do. I am all like action, funny voices, sarcasm and try to have some intuitive insight. Anyway.... I asked a friend of mine to come and share the stage with me. After I tell my story (which is an East Indian story about shapeshifting dieties and the Goddess Kundalini <excited face>) my friend and I are going to openly discuss the difficulties with being both public and private people. Each of us, in our own way and within the context of our differenent spiritual practices, will discuss coping mechanisms and struggles.

I don't know if it is such a good idea. I admit to being scared to show the vulnerable to face, to a crowd that has no expectation of such, however I feel quite drawn to expressing my authenticity from an authentic place. (redundant I know but still... )

[Gemme]

I am a demanding bitch.

Most of the time, I'm okay with it. Sometimes I regret it. Other times, I'm extremely frustrated because others do not see things as I do.

I have control issues.

My way isn't the only way; just the best way. Being objective, I'm right about this often. Not always, but often.

I am very judgemental.

Moreso of myself than others, but everyone sees my judgement of them but rarely that of myself. I am a very harsh critic. I guess this ties in with the previous two notes.

A very simple example to give you an idea of what I mean. The toilet paper roll. When you're done with the roll, put a new roll on the thingy and the old roll in the recycling bag. Most of the time, that is not how it happens and that makes for an unhappy me. See, I can't just let the empty roll sit there on the counter or wherever it's been put. Everything has a place and there's a place for everything and that place is not on the fucking counter. So, I move it to the recycling bag. In the process of doing that, I bitch to Ebon about it not being put in the bag in the first place. He says it would have made it there eventually. I say why not do it then, when you changed it over? He says "I dunno" and I drill holes in his back with my eyes and stew in judgemental juices.



It's a good thing he thinks I'm cute.

[julieisafemme]

I am sassy. I am always right. I am stubborn. I will take you on directly if I feel I have been challenged. All of my siblings are the same way. My task for the past many years has been to learn when to keep my mouth shut and to realize that just because I am telling someone the truth about how I feel does not make it acceptable! All it does is relieve my anxiety about lying. That is not an acceptable reason to unburden myself. I have to sit with the anxiety it causes, the itch to speak.

[MissItalianDiva]

Hmm well where should I start....

First of all I can be overly critical of folks especially those who may be someone I am interested in. Things will be fine and it is almost as if I look for a reason to not be interested. It is a major flaw and issue that I am currently working on.

Another one which somewhat ties in with the first is my resistance to share my life with anyone on a personal level. I am very protective over what is mine and my world. Too much so. I realize there is a healthy limits on boundaries and it is good to establish them in order to protect ourselves but I have realized this year I have taken it way to far. I throw myself in work or my family life and lock out any potential existence of a romantic relationship. Once again I am currently processing it all and probably overthinking it but this is something I am aware of and attempting to make a conscious effort at not doing.

[deb_U_taunt]

I have expectations of myself, I would never think of placing on someone else.

I am loyal to a fault to people who haven't earned it.

I can live alone too well. (hermit)

[SoNotHer]

I hear myself in some of the words of Debby, Claybabytwo and Scandal Andy. People have and can affect me deeply, so I have begun to cultivate a way to live that does not get me clover picking down a road of "They love me. They love me not." There is work yet to be done.

I question some of my feelings and reactions now as part of that work. And when I have a nagging urge to get on a bicycle and ride an hour, like tonight, or dance around the house, or just do what my soul-that-would-be-happy wants me to, I do. And I am learning to do that regardless of whether or not I think someone is demanding my attention. Spending a lot of time alone has helped me pick up on my own clues.

And in that vein, I take on people's problems and responsibilities. I know why I'm a "fixer," and I think recognizing and acknowledging that is part of the changing process. I also believe that with self awareness comes trust. The body directs us to what we really need, like, want, desire, crave. I believe that. I just have to live that belief on a more consistent basis.

Thank you for this thread, ER. It's a good one. :-)

[Soft*Silver]

I only give verbal venom when I am backed into a corner. I wont apologize for it and wont even pretend that I want to change this. It has kept me a survivor.

what I will own is that I am hardened now, heart wise. I dont say this as reverse psychology or to lay blame or to gain pity. Not at all. I am just done with subjecting myself to further pain and relationships are where I get myself in trouble. I love what Blade said awhile back...his picker was broke. Mine is too. And I looked up picker fixers in the yellow pages and there are none. So, being hard is a safety net. Kinda like duct tape on a muffler pipe...

I am also getting stuck in my ways. I dont like change. I like what I like and how I like it. I dont want to go to the newfangled restaurant. I like where I get to eat out once in awhile. And I almost always order the same thing. Its a sure thing...

when I want something, get out of my way and dont try to talk me out of it or point out that how I am going about getting it is a bad idea. God help you if it has anything to do with horses and you stand in my way. I have had to lease back the horse I had, with the option of picking her back up again in the future. I just couldnt swing it financially. BUT, by god, I will do that. Somehow, someway. Once its a dream or a passion, I will obtain it...sometimes foolishly...

[Red Dirt Girl]

Originally Posted by RitaSink

I've gotten angry twice this year.

Wow. Angry twice in 8 & a half months? That's fairly remarkable. I get angry far more frequently.

A few of the issues I personally lord over:

• I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to the written/spoken word. (And, surely, I will make some egregious spelling error or grammatical blunder now that I've owned up to this). It really bugs me when folks incorrectly use words like to/too/two, there/they’re/their, its/it’s and your/you’re. I also get pretty irritated by the use of the word irregardless (although, according to my version of Microsoft Word, it is, in fact, a word). Why these things bother me so much I have no idea. Others may have issues with the overuse of commas, which I’m pretty sure I offered an example of in my previous, parenthetical, statement. I’m not sure what steps I can take to change this. (Advice welcome, but I think it just kind of boils down to I’m a bit of a bitch.)

• I’m extremely self-critical and can be mean to myself. (Working on it. Always, always working on it.)

• Like ElijahRene, I too have a tendency to think whatever group I am a part of is somehow superior to whatever the "other" group is. This doesn’t seem congruent with my previous point, but it’s nonetheless true. I also tend to call this behavior out when I see/hear/perceive it in other folks. Hmmm… that’s kind of interesting to me. I will ponder more on this.

Love the thread, ER.

[Library_girl]

Originally Posted by Red Dirt Girl

A few of the issues I personally lord over:

• I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to the written/spoken word. (And, surely, I will make some egregious spelling error or grammatical blunder now that I've owned up to this). It really bugs me when folks incorrectly use words like to/too/two, there/they’re/their, its/it’s and your/you’re. I also get pretty irritated by the use of the word irregardless (although, according to my version of Microsoft Word, it is, in fact, a word). Why these things bother me so much I have no idea. Others may have issues with the overuse of commas, which I’m pretty sure I offered an example of in my previous, parenthetical, statement. I’m not sure what steps I can take to change this. (Advice welcome, but I think it just kind of boils down to I’m a bit of a bitch.)

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I am so happy you said this. All of these things drive me crazy too. I don't care if it makes me a "snob". It's just me and I will always be like this. I can't seem to help it! I can be a sloppy typist--but that's an entirely different matter. The misuse of homonyms and the invented words make me shudder. Don't get me started on "orientate" or "conversate".

(And I think your comma usage is just fine and dandy!)

[Library_girl]

A couple of things I own for sure:

--Anything that someone tells me to "not take personally"....I usually take it personally. And in addition, I get annoyed at the suggestion to not take it personally. How am I supposed to take it? Professionally? Most of the time, they have said something personal. I admit I need a thicker skin. So then I get annoyed with myself. Ugh! The cycle!

--My mouth gets me into trouble. And even knowing this doesn't seem to stop me. The things I say will sometimes get me into hot water--at work, with family, with friends, etc. I say exactly what's on my mind, and that's not always the best idea! I need to have a more consistent internal censor. My boss had to tell me to clean up my language at the managers' meetings. Duh, I shouldn't be shouting out "fuck" in the middle of a management gathering! I know this.

--I don't handle disappointment very well. I'm not sure how it's supposed to be "handled" or dealt with, but I just think I'm doing it wrong.

[clay]

Thank you BOTH! I own much of this, as well as you post below, L.G. Can I throw in the words than/then and "congradulate"...geeshh...<smirks>

Originally Posted by Library_girl

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I am so happy you said this. All of these things drive me crazy too. I don't care if it makes me a "snob". It's just me and I will always be like this. I can't seem to help it! I can be a sloppy typist--but that's an entirely different matter. The misuse of homonyms and the invented words make me shudder. Don't get me started on "orientate" or "conversate".

(And I think your comma usage is just fine and dandy!)

[DamonK]

Ever notice I nearly always type in grey?

There's a reason.

I see things in black and white. I take things extremely literally. For example, you say you'll be there in 5 minutes. That means 5 minutes. Not 20.

I'm VERY VERY VERY black and white.

MBE gets sooooooo mad about it.

So, I type in grey to remind myself that many times there *is* a grey area and I need to try to be aware and look for it.

[atomiczombie]

I am far too hard on myself. I set impossible standards for myself to follow and then when I don't meet those standards, I bash myself. I would never expect things from others that I expect from myself. I guess I am my own self-abuser.

It's really mostly the voice of my older brother than I have internalized (and probably that mean baby-sitter I had when I was 6, and a mean 1st grade teacher too), but it doesn't make it much easier to remember that. I work on this in therapy all the time, but I don't really *do* much about it beyond occasionally acknowledging it. I really need to cut myself some slack. It's hard. My brain is so programmed from childhood to do this, it seems almost impossible to find a new way to think. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[SoNotHer]

AZ, I think some of us hear that voice. It's good that you know where it comes from. A next step would be to start to classify the kind of thought it is:

Oh looky there, another pot shot comment.

Oh, here we go with another burst-my-own bubble comment

And what do you know, here's another completely baseless self-disparaging remark that feels like a rotten tomato tossed at me.

Once you classify the thoughts, you can start to realize a type and pattern, This no only quantities and clarifies the problem, it diminishes the power of the problem.

So call these thoughts what the are. Thank them and let them go. And then follow up with a chaser of positive thought like, "Hey, wasn't I great at___ yesterday" or "I'm so thankful for _______" or simply "I'm a good person doing good things."

This takes some practice, but it does work. And you will begin to feel differently in time.

The other thing you can do is start to catalog what your body does when you have a disparaging vs. an affirming thought. Just pay attention to your body's reaction. I think you'll find it fascinating.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I am far too hard on myself. I set impossible standards for myself to follow and then when I don't meet those standards, I bash myself... I really need to cut myself some slack. It's hard. My brain is so programmed from childhood to do this, it seems almost impossible to find a new way to think. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Nat]

Even when I wake up late, I still come here before work. I may have to remove battery and cords from computer and hide them from myself.