Lessons Learned: Would You or Would You Not.....

[Blade]

For me it would depend on many variables.
Safety being of the utmost importance. If I knew someones safety was at risk I'd say so.


It would also depend on how well I knew the fisherman and the fish. I don't know many people online well enough to share information with them that I know about someone else I only know from online. Unless it were someone of great integrity. Simply because knowing someone online is way different than knowing someone in RT and having RT knowledge of who this person/s are.

The thing is it seems the fisherman, especially online, isn't really looking for the good things about the catch, they already know many good things. They are fishing for the other stuff. The stuff that might send up a red flag.


In RT yep I'd spill the beans if I knew something that was important enough to bring to the surface. I know this person beats women, uses drugs, is a sex offender, has a criminal past, is a snake in the grass etc. I'd mention the good stuff to.
I would only share info I knew to be factual. Witnessed info, or something with proof or continual bad behavior or behaviors I had seen first hand.

[Vlasta]

as far I am concerned it depends on the situation . When two people are already involved no matter what do you say on the end you will end as a bad guy .

From my experience when a gun was waived in my face , I would definitely warn a person since I was frozen and didn't know what will happened next . On the other occasion when my so call butch was bisexual I would warn you too for your safety and leave it up to you what you will choose to do , even if I would ended as a bad guy .

otherwise , when my partners confined to me about a sexual abuse or other traumatic events in they life , I wouldn't never reveal that to nobody . It's up to them who they choose to tell .

Gossip it's just a gossip , unless you lived with me and things didn't work out between us , because I am demanding on personal hygiene , clean house , please shot your mouth .

[Ciaran]

Clearly it is different where there's a potential physical safety issue (emotional abuse is something of a greyer area, in my opinion, as the label of "emotionally abusive" is one that too many people can attach to ex-partners for a whole host of reasons, some of which may not reflect actual emotional abuse), but, otherwise, I find that many people are all too willing and enthusiastic to interfere under the pretence of trying to be helpful or supportive, when it's nothing of the case.


Also, I'd like to think that if someone asked an opinion on someone else from that person's ex-partner that they would have the common sense to treat these views with an appropriate level of caution given that, as an ex-partner, their viewpoint will potentially be rather biased and slanted.

[Ben]

hahahahaha I'm so out of the loop.. I didn't know what "quoin" meant ...*still chuckling*

[softheart]

I for one. don't feel it's gossip, if you tell what you know about someone as long as it's a fact. For example , I might say, oh I know she was looking to change jobs recently, because she asked if my company was hiring. And she dated so and so for about 3 years and has been single for awhile.
Now if it's a real close friend I would tell them what I know and also what I have heard. Stressing that I have heard other people say this and I don't know how true it is, but keep it in the back of your mind.
If someone asks , and you know something about this person and it's not good, I think you would be doing an injustice to them not to say so.
I would want to know the truth. Who wants to invest their time and energy, and yes heart, only to be crushed by a cheater, a player or worse.
Then while dealing with the pain and heartache, a friend tells you , I couldn't believe you were dating them anyway, as much as they have cheated and lied in the past, I thought everybody knew blah blah blah.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

Also, I'd like to think that if someone asked an opinion on someone else from that person's ex-partner that they would have the common sense to treat these views with an appropriate level of caution given that, as an ex-partner, their viewpoint will potentially be rather biased and slanted.

I think this is an important distinction. I would never ask an ex-partner for a perspective...too many other things can be at play.

Also...it's perfectly possible for two good people to bring out the worst in each other. Any feedback from that ex-partner is going to be tainted by that experience.

So....I would also never give an opinion about an ex-partner of mine either. Someone who brought out the worst in me may bring out the best in someone else....and should be given that chance without interference.

If I'm asking for input, it's going to be from someone who has known that person, in real life, for an extended period of time....someone whose judgment I trust....and someone who has not been romantically involved with them.