older femmes

[SweetJane]

Originally Posted by AtLast

I have certainly experienced ageism as an older butch here- but usually it has been due to quite a bit younger folks just not even being close to thinking about aging. That, I have not felt was some put down as such. And with some pointing out of things like age stereotyping and discussion, I usually have felt that there has been a positive exchange.

However, I have gotten a bit ticked in threads such as crushing ones wherein pics seem to always be 20 & 30 some things- usually of the celebrity variety, including butch pics posted. and it seems like every time a butch calendar is put together there are few, if any "hot" (which could mean many different things) older butches in them. And to be honest, I feel that some of the threads like this seem to me (speaking for myself) to be far more often ageist toward femmes. Just feels that way. Also, older femmes that are my friends have said this to me. I have found that I in those kinds of threads, I will post a pic of an older woman. Yes, there are celeb women I think are attractive, but I have just developed a sensitivity about this on the B-F websites (used to be on the old site).

I have always felt comfortable within varying age groups. part of this might be due to having a teaching background although I certainly have/have had community college and university students from the late teens to over 60.

With dating and relationships, I have tended to stay within 5 years either way of my own age. Most people think I am younger than I am (although, lately, I don't know- have had a couple of rough years in which I feel I have aged). I have never sought out someone a lot younger than myself and my cut off age is my son's age (44). LOL, that feels a lot younger to me!

In real time, I have a close femme friend that is 32 and she is a very wise and mature woman. I have a close man friend in his mid seventies, too.

I am an active person- although I do have some severe arthritis- always have been as physically active as possible- so I do tend to hang with more active people. Some with physical challenges, some not. Yes, people with disabilities can be quite active!

Yes, in real-time, I see far too many examples of ageism!

AtLast, as an older femme who has only been out about a year and a half, I have experienced a lot of ageism within the community. I don't look my age, but, sadly, I have had butches run when they find out how old I am. That's why I try to put my age up front when there is some serious flirting going on so people know. And I always point them toward my photo.

That being said, I don't draw severe serious age boundaries when I choose my friends. I have some younger than my children who are in their early 30s and I have a couple who are a decade or so older. I try to find folks who have active minds even though they may not have as active bodies as they once did. I have found "old" minded people (read: stodgy, depressed, negative sorts) in very young bodies. And I've also found wise old souls among youthful people. I chose my friends based on who they are inside, regardless of age or race or religion or life experience.

As for a dating range, I will dip well below my age if the person is mature and fun and will go over my age if the person is energetic and interesting. But I try not to date anyone I could be the parent of. When I go out, I want others to see two relative equals.