older femmes

princessbelle · 01-24-2012, 02:30 PM

I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s?

Aren't we all getting older every day?

I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands.

I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young.

As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life.

I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this:

Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen.

Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone.

It's all perspective, yes?

apretty · 02-01-2012, 07:31 AM

I know for a fact that John Shaft digs older chicks.

Just saying.

*Anya* · 02-01-2012, 08:34 AM

I have avoided posting in this thread because I am touchy about being an older femme.

In my mind, I ways expected to be and to look like, I did in my 20's. I was frozen in time while in my 19-year relationship with my ex-butch.

I felt like Rippeda Von Winkle when I ended it. I could not ignore that I was older, that it was a different dating world as an older femme and then there were all the gender issues I had never been exposed to or had dealt with in a strictly lesbian world.

Long story short, I really thougt I would be alone forever until I forced myself to start dating again. Very, very difficult for me! I had lived as a hermit, just me and my dogs for almost 10 years. I am so glad that I did start dating again.

No, I do not look like I did I did in my 20's, etc. but it has become far, far less important to me than it did when I was first single.

I did meet and fall in love with my butch. She is a decade younger than I. That is also a little hard to write. Shouldn't be- in our society we no longer look at a man dating a woman 10 years his junior as unusual, but it has taken me some time to accept our age difference.

The funny thing is that it really is all in my head. In actuality, we have very similar backgrounds, shared interests and most important-our core values and outlook on life is remarkably similar. The sexual chemistry is electric-something else I thought I would never, ever have again in my life. My butch is really my soul-mate. The one I have always searched for on an unconscious level and did not find until now.

We are never too old to find love and unless we risk, we will never know what joy we may find by simply never giving up hope and believing that we deserve to be loved.

Kobi · 02-01-2012, 09:28 AM

I am an older woman with AARP credentials. I prefer being with and around people from my own era.

Younger people are cool too but I find them to be exhausting. LOL.

And, older femmes, to me, have beauty that just defies words. More often than not, they know exactly who they are, what they want, where they are going, and who is likely to be a good companion for the trip. Life experience brings with it a wisdom and settledness that is both grounding and exhilarating.

Besides, I like when someone knows exactly what I mean when I say the spirit is willing but the body is not.

socialjustice_fsu · 02-01-2012, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s?

Aren't we all getting older every day?

I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands.

I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young.

As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life.

I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this:

Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen.

Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone.

It's all perspective, yes?

Belle,
As always you articulate often what the rest of us want to.

Time and tide wait for no one.

Your Aunt was a wise woman.

~ SJ_fsu

SugarFemme · 02-02-2012, 01:48 AM

When I joined the ranks of AARP last year, I had no issue with it. For me, each year that I grow older, is another year that I have grown wiser, gotten more comfortable in my own skin and have beaten death.

Sachita · 02-02-2012, 06:12 AM

I've always been honest about my age and although sometimes I'd love to turn back the hands of time, I'm ok with be a 52 year old experienced woman.

I've always dated younger simply because I have a lot of energy and tend to date people that are very active. This is not to say older folks aren't active, some are but in the circles I traveled they were not. I guess I'm also attracted to innocence even if it's all in my head. I am often approached by very young butches, however the youngest I'll date at this stage of my life is 38. I think it's that dommie mommy thing that intrigues them.

I don't notice anyone treating me different because I'm older. Then again I probably wouldnt care.

SweetJane · 02-04-2012, 12:10 AM

Sachita,
I agree with you about younger companions. They do keep you feeling young. I think, for me, it was covering music for so long that I feel that way. Though I've interviewed music icons, it's the younger emerging musicians who had found their way musically into a sort of energetic maturity that were my inspiration. I tend to relate to that youthful creative vigor. I hope that I carry that into my daily walk, but balance it with some wisdom along the way.

AtLast · 02-04-2012, 01:00 AM

I have certainly experienced ageism as an older butch here- but usually it has been due to quite a bit younger folks just not even being close to thinking about aging. That, I have not felt was some put down as such. And with some pointing out of things like age stereotyping and discussion, I usually have felt that there has been a positive exchange.

However, I have gotten a bit ticked in threads such as crushing ones wherein pics seem to always be 20 & 30 some things- usually of the celebrity variety, including butch pics posted. and it seems like every time a butch calendar is put together there are few, if any "hot" (which could mean many different things) older butches in them. And to be honest, I feel that some of the threads like this seem to me (speaking for myself) to be far more often ageist toward femmes. Just feels that way. Also, older femmes that are my friends have said this to me. I have found that I in those kinds of threads, I will post a pic of an older woman. Yes, there are celeb women I think are attractive, but I have just developed a sensitivity about this on the B-F websites (used to be on the old site).

I have always felt comfortable within varying age groups. part of this might be due to having a teaching background although I certainly have/have had community college and university students from the late teens to over 60.

With dating and relationships, I have tended to stay within 5 years either way of my own age. Most people think I am younger than I am (although, lately, I don't know- have had a couple of rough years in which I feel I have aged). I have never sought out someone a lot younger than myself and my cut off age is my son's age (44). LOL, that feels a lot younger to me!

In real time, I have a close femme friend that is 32 and she is a very wise and mature woman. I have a close man friend in his mid seventies, too.

I am an active person- although I do have some severe arthritis- always have been as physically active as possible- so I do tend to hang with more active people. Some with physical challenges, some not. Yes, people with disabilities can be quite active!

Yes, in real-time, I see far too many examples of ageism!

SweetJane · 02-04-2012, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLast

I have certainly experienced ageism as an older butch here- but usually it has been due to quite a bit younger folks just not even being close to thinking about aging. That, I have not felt was some put down as such. And with some pointing out of things like age stereotyping and discussion, I usually have felt that there has been a positive exchange.

However, I have gotten a bit ticked in threads such as crushing ones wherein pics seem to always be 20 & 30 some things- usually of the celebrity variety, including butch pics posted. and it seems like every time a butch calendar is put together there are few, if any "hot" (which could mean many different things) older butches in them. And to be honest, I feel that some of the threads like this seem to me (speaking for myself) to be far more often ageist toward femmes. Just feels that way. Also, older femmes that are my friends have said this to me. I have found that I in those kinds of threads, I will post a pic of an older woman. Yes, there are celeb women I think are attractive, but I have just developed a sensitivity about this on the B-F websites (used to be on the old site).

I have always felt comfortable within varying age groups. part of this might be due to having a teaching background although I certainly have/have had community college and university students from the late teens to over 60.

With dating and relationships, I have tended to stay within 5 years either way of my own age. Most people think I am younger than I am (although, lately, I don't know- have had a couple of rough years in which I feel I have aged). I have never sought out someone a lot younger than myself and my cut off age is my son's age (44). LOL, that feels a lot younger to me!

In real time, I have a close femme friend that is 32 and she is a very wise and mature woman. I have a close man friend in his mid seventies, too.

I am an active person- although I do have some severe arthritis- always have been as physically active as possible- so I do tend to hang with more active people. Some with physical challenges, some not. Yes, people with disabilities can be quite active!

Yes, in real-time, I see far too many examples of ageism!

AtLast, as an older femme who has only been out about a year and a half, I have experienced a lot of ageism within the community. I don't look my age, but, sadly, I have had butches run when they find out how old I am. That's why I try to put my age up front when there is some serious flirting going on so people know. And I always point them toward my photo.

That being said, I don't draw severe serious age boundaries when I choose my friends. I have some younger than my children who are in their early 30s and I have a couple who are a decade or so older. I try to find folks who have active minds even though they may not have as active bodies as they once did. I have found "old" minded people (read: stodgy, depressed, negative sorts) in very young bodies. And I've also found wise old souls among youthful people. I chose my friends based on who they are inside, regardless of age or race or religion or life experience.

As for a dating range, I will dip well below my age if the person is mature and fun and will go over my age if the person is energetic and interesting. But I try not to date anyone I could be the parent of. When I go out, I want others to see two relative equals.

01-24-2012, 02:30 PM	#1
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I don't get the whole "older femme" thing. I mean, aren't we all older than someone? Even when we are in our 20s? Aren't we all getting older every day? I look at some of my patients and see those precious hands of theirs. I think....those hands diapered babies, took care of their kids, families, other people. Just because they are more mature than the used to be they are still the same hands. I guess i would be considered "older" by some people. And then again by others i would be considered young. As far as the love and romantic part....Love knows no age, but i do believe that partnering with someone who doesn't have the same interests, music, movies, ect can pose some challenges. But, such is life. I have an aunt that was very wise. Some may find it morbid but i think i get her message. Her tombstone says this: Where ye stand i once stood, where i lay you shall lay. It will happen. Time keeps on moving....it doesn't stop for anyone. It's all perspective, yes? __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

02-01-2012, 08:34 AM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I have avoided posting in this thread because I am touchy about being an older femme. In my mind, I ways expected to be and to look like, I did in my 20's. I was frozen in time while in my 19-year relationship with my ex-butch. I felt like Rippeda Von Winkle when I ended it. I could not ignore that I was older, that it was a different dating world as an older femme and then there were all the gender issues I had never been exposed to or had dealt with in a strictly lesbian world. Long story short, I really thougt I would be alone forever until I forced myself to start dating again. Very, very difficult for me! I had lived as a hermit, just me and my dogs for almost 10 years. I am so glad that I did start dating again. No, I do not look like I did I did in my 20's, etc. but it has become far, far less important to me than it did when I was first single. I did meet and fall in love with my butch. She is a decade younger than I. That is also a little hard to write. Shouldn't be- in our society we no longer look at a man dating a woman 10 years his junior as unusual, but it has taken me some time to accept our age difference. The funny thing is that it really is all in my head. In actuality, we have very similar backgrounds, shared interests and most important-our core values and outlook on life is remarkably similar. The sexual chemistry is electric-something else I thought I would never, ever have again in my life. My butch is really my soul-mate. The one I have always searched for on an unconscious level and did not find until now. We are never too old to find love and unless we risk, we will never know what joy we may find by simply never giving up hope and believing that we deserve to be loved. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

02-02-2012, 06:12 AM	#7
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I've always been honest about my age and although sometimes I'd love to turn back the hands of time, I'm ok with be a 52 year old experienced woman. I've always dated younger simply because I have a lot of energy and tend to date people that are very active. This is not to say older folks aren't active, some are but in the circles I traveled they were not. I guess I'm also attracted to innocence even if it's all in my head. I am often approached by very young butches, however the youngest I'll date at this stage of my life is 38. I think it's that dommie mommy thing that intrigues them. I don't notice anyone treating me different because I'm older. Then again I probably wouldnt care. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

02-01-2012, 07:31 AM	#2
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I know for a fact that John Shaft digs older chicks. Just saying.

02-01-2012, 09:28 AM	#4
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,617 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I am an older woman with AARP credentials. I prefer being with and around people from my own era. Younger people are cool too but I find them to be exhausting. LOL. And, older femmes, to me, have beauty that just defies words. More often than not, they know exactly who they are, what they want, where they are going, and who is likely to be a good companion for the trip. Life experience brings with it a wisdom and settledness that is both grounding and exhilarating. Besides, I like when someone knows exactly what I mean when I say the spirit is willing but the body is not.

02-02-2012, 01:48 AM	#6
SugarFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Southwest Posts: 1,029 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 650 Thanked 4,458 Times in 854 Posts Rep Power*: 21474851	When I joined the ranks of AARP last year, I had no issue with it. For me, each year that I grow older, is another year that I have grown wiser, gotten more comfortable in my own skin and have beaten death.

02-04-2012, 12:10 AM	#8
SweetJane Member How Do You Identify?: stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: always solo Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 368 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 380 Thanked 815 Times in 198 Posts Rep Power: 4309958	Sachita, I agree with you about younger companions. They do keep you feeling young. I think, for me, it was covering music for so long that I feel that way. Though I've interviewed music icons, it's the younger emerging musicians who had found their way musically into a sort of energetic maturity that were my inspiration. I tend to relate to that youthful creative vigor. I hope that I carry that into my daily walk, but balance it with some wisdom along the way.

02-04-2012, 01:00 AM	#9
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I have certainly experienced ageism as an older butch here- but usually it has been due to quite a bit younger folks just not even being close to thinking about aging. That, I have not felt was some put down as such. And with some pointing out of things like age stereotyping and discussion, I usually have felt that there has been a positive exchange. However, I have gotten a bit ticked in threads such as crushing ones wherein pics seem to always be 20 & 30 some things- usually of the celebrity variety, including butch pics posted. and it seems like every time a butch calendar is put together there are few, if any "hot" (which could mean many different things) older butches in them. And to be honest, I feel that some of the threads like this seem to me (speaking for myself) to be far more often ageist toward femmes. Just feels that way. Also, older femmes that are my friends have said this to me. I have found that I in those kinds of threads, I will post a pic of an older woman. Yes, there are celeb women I think are attractive, but I have just developed a sensitivity about this on the B-F websites (used to be on the old site). I have always felt comfortable within varying age groups. part of this might be due to having a teaching background although I certainly have/have had community college and university students from the late teens to over 60. With dating and relationships, I have tended to stay within 5 years either way of my own age. Most people think I am younger than I am (although, lately, I don't know- have had a couple of rough years in which I feel I have aged). I have never sought out someone a lot younger than myself and my cut off age is my son's age (44). LOL, that feels a lot younger to me! In real time, I have a close femme friend that is 32 and she is a very wise and mature woman. I have a close man friend in his mid seventies, too. I am an active person- although I do have some severe arthritis- always have been as physically active as possible- so I do tend to hang with more active people. Some with physical challenges, some not. Yes, people with disabilities can be quite active! Yes, in real-time, I see far too many examples of ageism!