Is Marriage for you?

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Tink, thank you for keeping us posted on much of the same sex marriage news. I read it, always.

I know it has been argued that the LGBTQ Community has spent far too many resources on this particular human rights issue. I disagree with that it is too much. Yes, much of the collective resources are focused on same sex marriage and I believe this is also opening doors in general for the entire gambit of human rights for LGBTQ.

If we don't strike in the places that make them uncomfortable, that make them feel, then we can go back to being ignored and discriminated against...we have tried to get the same basic human rights as non queers for years, and what has that gotten us? IN most states we can lose our jobs, lose our homes, lose our KIDS!!! Fuck that! If we can't get our Civil rights by being nice, then we need to get in their faces where it makes them feel.

My own personal situation is that I now can get legally married in the USA because I have transitioned and legally I am now male. I consider this to be a clear cut example of hypocrisy. I have known all of my life I am a queer which is primarily expressed as masculine and born into a female body. Why does undergoing surgery, taking hormones, acquiring the "proper and needed documents" to transition change how the law now sees me? I am still the same on the inside. I still put my pants on one leg at a time. My resume is the same, my passions and hopes, unchanged.

I almost didn't marry my Kasey for some of the same reasons...if we can't all get married, then I shouldn't get married. BUT...if no one gets married then they think we don't want it after all!! they have to see that my marriage in no way impacts their marriage for minds to be changed.

Now I can get married legally, and I know on some level I hedge because it just does not seem right, that I can get married while others in my community cannot. This really annoys me. I am sure at some point I will get married for the first time in my life, and I hope it will be the last.

P.S. I know, I am such a romantic.

This! Me in Blue

[CABud]

You can say that it's the same - having the piece of paper and not having the piece of paper - but you won't know how different it is until you actually get to have the piece of paper. I used to say it was the same. It's not. And I have the piece of paper to prove it.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by CABud

You can say that it's the same - having the piece of paper and not having the piece of paper - but you won't know how different it is until you actually get to have the piece of paper. I used to say it was the same. It's not. And I have the piece of paper to prove it.

I respectful disagree. I understand how you may feel that way and others may. But, at least in my situation, and from my *me* space, it was the same feeling of marriage whether i had the certificate or i didn't. The only differences was getting all the legal stuff in order and missing out on company plan health insurance. It is more of an effort to get the legal stuff in order, but it can be done. For example, a Medical Power of Attorney. Whereas if you are married it automatically defaults to your spouse. But, a lot of these things can all be accomplished with the right lawyer. Again i say "almost all".

There are many ways to make sure you and your spouse are protected even down to the ownership of mutual belongings. You can have papers drawn up that if you ever split, everything is divided equally. Just about everything can be done legally...just takes a lot more time and effort and money.

IMO...that piece of paper only meant most of that stuff mentioned above was already done for me. Without that piece of paper it was on me to make sure everything was done that could be done legally. It's neater and tightier with the paper...that was the only diff for me.

A note of the heart: A piece of paper did not "make" me more married in my soul, it was the commitment.

With that said....i strongly STILL believe we all have the right to be married. It is way easier legally. BUT, IMO that is the only difference.

[MysticOceansFL]

When the right femme comes along. But no sooner!

[Mr Nice Guy]

If I met the right girl. Then maybe.

[CABud]

Sorry. Didn't realize I needed to add the part about my me place. *For me* it was very different. Much more different than I ever thought it would be and I had no idea how different it would be until I had the piece of paper in my hand.

*For me* it's not about health insurance or inheritance or any of those things you mentioned. Yes, all of those can be handled in some other way. But there is no other way to be legally married other than to be legally married. I didn't think it would matter to me. I didn't think I would feel different. But it did. *To me*.

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I respectful disagree. I understand how you may feel that way and others may. But, at least in my situation, and from my *me* space, it was the same feeling of marriage whether i had the certificate or i didn't. The only differences was getting all the legal stuff in order and missing out on company plan health insurance. It is more of an effort to get the legal stuff in order, but it can be done. For example, a Medical Power of Attorney. Whereas if you are married it automatically defaults to your spouse. But, a lot of these things can all be accomplished with the right lawyer. Again i say "almost all".

There are many ways to make sure you and your spouse are protected even down to the ownership of mutual belongings. You can have papers drawn up that if you ever split, everything is divided equally. Just about everything can be done legally...just takes a lot more time and effort and money.

IMO...that piece of paper only meant most of that stuff mentioned above was already done for me. Without that piece of paper it was on me to make sure everything was done that could be done legally. It's neater and tightier with the paper...that was the only diff for me.

A note of the heart: A piece of paper did not "make" me more married in my soul, it was the commitment.

With that said....i strongly STILL believe we all have the right to be married. It is way easier legally. BUT, IMO that is the only difference.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I respectful disagree. I understand how you may feel that way and others may. But, at least in my situation, and from my *me* space, it was the same feeling of marriage whether i had the certificate or i didn't. The only differences was getting all the legal stuff in order and missing out on company plan health insurance. It is more of an effort to get the legal stuff in order, but it can be done. For example, a Medical Power of Attorney. Whereas if you are married it automatically defaults to your spouse. But, a lot of these things can all be accomplished with the right lawyer. Again i say "almost all".

There are many ways to make sure you and your spouse are protected even down to the ownership of mutual belongings. You can have papers drawn up that if you ever split, everything is divided equally. Just about everything can be done legally...just takes a lot more time and effort and money.

IMO...that piece of paper only meant most of that stuff mentioned above was already done for me. Without that piece of paper it was on me to make sure everything was done that could be done legally. It's neater and tightier with the paper...that was the only diff for me.

A note of the heart: A piece of paper did not "make" me more married in my soul, it was the commitment.

With that said....i strongly STILL believe we all have the right to be married. It is way easier legally. BUT, IMO that is the only difference.

You are right when you say it is the commitment that matters..."most" people that are "married" whether legally by the State, or in another way, put that commitment behind their "vows". Maybe I would have felt the same with my Kasey if we had gone a different route...something to ponder!

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by CABud

Sorry. Didn't realize I needed to add the part about my me place. *For me* it was very different. Much more different than I ever thought it would be and I had no idea how different it would be until I had the piece of paper in my hand.

*For me* it's not about health insurance or inheritance or any of those things you mentioned. Yes, all of those can be handled in some other way. But there is no other way to be legally married other than to be legally married. I didn't think it would matter to me. I didn't think I would feel different. But it did. *To me*.

I hear you. We all have our own journeys for sure. I am glad that paper made a difference for you and yours. We all deserve that opportunity if we so desire for sure.

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

You are right when you say it is the commitment that matters..."most" people that are "married" whether legally by the State, or in another way, put that commitment behind their "vows". Maybe I would have felt the same with my Kasey if we had gone a different route...something to ponder!

Everyone is different. I just know for my two marriages, one legal and one was not, there was no difference in how i "felt" meaning felt "married". Nothing is gonna work, legal or otherwise, if the relationship goes south. That little piece of 10cent paper isn't gonna make it all better...IMO. Still hoping we have the right to have it though someday, when and if we (collective we) ever want it.

Great thread btw.