I have a question re: "Man talk"

[Quintease]

It's something my hubby and I have been talking about a lot recently.

You all obviously learned how to talk to men on their own level, probably most of you were doing it for most of your lives. But how did you learn to talk about sex with cis-gendered men if they don't know you're trans?

I'm genuinely interested in your answers. My hubby has always worked with men, but now that he's gone stealth he's really struggling due to a lack of practical knowledge about boy's bits. He's not bi so I can't even send him out for a lesson or two

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Quintease

It's something my hubby and I have been talking about a lot recently.

You all obviously learned how to talk to men on their own level, probably most of you were doing it for most of your lives. But how did you learn to talk about sex with cis-gendered men if they don't know you're trans?

I'm genuinely interested in your answers. My hubby has always worked with men, but now that he's gone stealth he's really struggling due to a lack of practical knowledge about boy's bits. He's not bi so I can't even send him out for a lesson or two

I'm confused. What is it exactly are you looking for? He has questions about sexual intimacy due to the change in his genitals (clitoris growth), as a function of taking testosterone?

Or did he get bottom surgery and has a question there?

I am just trying to understand how this relates to sex that cismen can help him with?

[Apocalipstic]

Maybe porn?

[Liam]

Originally Posted by Quintease

But how did you learn to talk about sex with cis-gendered men if they don't know you're trans?

I learned not to talk about sex with cis-gendered men. I can not recall one serious conversation about sex with any of my cis-gendered men friends or acquaintances. It is something that is joked about, a topic that generates endless teasing, but in my experience, not something to be discussed seriously.

Constipation, diarrhea, painful urination, blood in the urine, "funny red spots on my penis," these are the subjects of a more intimate nature, which I have discussed with my cis-gendered men friends.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Quintease

I'm genuinely interested in your answers. My hubby has always worked with men, but now that he's gone stealth he's really struggling due to a lack of practical knowledge about boy's bits. He's not bi so I can't even send him out for a lesson or two

In the states most companies have rules against talking about your genitalia in the workplace. Unless your husband works in porn, as Apocalipstic suggested, where it's bound to be a topic of conversation, it's probably a good idea to avoid the topic, in general.

[ButchEire]

I get the impression that the OP's husband is already engaged in conversations with bio-men that he doesn't necessarily feel comfortable engaging in. Men will be men and from my personal perspective of knowing mostly bio-men, they don't think twice about talking about their parts. It's not necessarily sexual, it's just what men will do sometimes and they probably just expect the OP's husband to join in. Not sure how you would go about "learning" how to engage in that kind of conversation though. I've always been around men, so it's never been a problem to talk like them and not think anything of it. Maybe being a good listener would help OP's husband to understand the "rules of engagement?"

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Liam

I learned not to talk about sex with cis-gendered men. I can not recall one serious conversation about sex with any of my cis-gendered men friends or acquaintances. It is something that is joked about, a topic that generates endless teasing, but in my experience, not something to be discussed seriously.

Constipation, diarrhea, painful urination, blood in the urine, "funny red spots on my penis," these are the subjects of a more intimate nature, which I have discussed with my cis-gendered men friends.

Originally Posted by ButchEire

I get the impression that the OP's husband is already engaged in conversations with bio-men that he doesn't necessarily feel comfortable engaging in. Men will be men and from my personal perspective of knowing mostly bio-men, they don't think twice about talking about their parts. It's not necessarily sexual, it's just what men will do sometimes and they probably just expect the OP's husband to join in. Not sure how you would go about "learning" how to engage in that kind of conversation though. I've always been around men, so it's never been a problem to talk like them and not think anything of it. Maybe being a good listener would help OP's husband to understand the "rules of engagement?"

This makes more sense to me than a question about wanting to discuss sex with cismen.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by ButchEire

I get the impression that the OP's husband is already engaged in conversations with bio-men that he doesn't necessarily feel comfortable engaging in. Men will be men and from my personal perspective of knowing mostly bio-men, they don't think twice about talking about their parts. It's not necessarily sexual, it's just what men will do sometimes and they probably just expect the OP's husband to join in.

That, though I wasn't entirely sure how to word it. They do indeed like to talk about their parts, as well as expecting him to join in. He was openly trans in his last position so this is a new experience for him.

Did none of you ever worry when you found yourself in his position? I'm confused why you're confused, unless it's me not making any sense!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Quintease

It's something my hubby and I have been talking about a lot recently.

You all obviously learned how to talk to men on their own level, probably most of you were doing it for most of your lives. But how did you learn to talk about sex with cis-gendered men if they don't know you're trans?
I'm genuinely interested in your answers. My hubby has always worked with men, but now that he's gone stealth he's really struggling due to a lack of practical knowledge about boy's bits. He's not bi so I can't even send him out for a lesson or two

Originally Posted by Quintease

That, though I wasn't entirely sure how to word it. They do indeed like to talk about their parts, as well as expecting him to join in. He was openly trans in his last position so this is a new experience for him.

Did none of you ever worry when you found yourself in his position? I'm confused why you're confused, unless it's me not making any sense!

It was the bolded part that confused me. You said talking about sex. You didn't say talking about genitals.

[ButchEire]

I haven't ever been in that position. My bio-male friends have always just treated me as one of the guys without reservation. I think if nothing else, this is a testament to the bio-men's level of comfort with your husband. They apparently don't know, or if they do, they don't care and treat him simply as one of the guys. I think listening to conversations that include bio-men may help him get acquainted with the way they communicate.

Originally Posted by Quintease

That, though I wasn't entirely sure how to word it. They do indeed like to talk about their parts, as well as expecting him to join in. He was openly trans in his last position so this is a new experience for him.

Did none of you ever worry when you found yourself in his position? I'm confused why you're confused, unless it's me not making any sense!

[Nadeest]

I never really bonded with men all that much, when I was living as a male. However, if you would like, I could tell him a few things about 'boy's bits', especially as i have had sex with both men and women, when i was living as a male.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Nadeest

I never really bonded with men all that much, when I was living as a male. However, if you would like, I could tell him a few things about 'boy's bits', especially as i have had sex with both men and women, when i was living as a male.

Thank you. I'll ask him. I have already asked him why he didn't talk to one of his gay male friends, only he gave me the 'look'. I shut up then

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by apretty

In the states most companies have rules against talking about your genitalia in the workplace. Unless your husband works in porn, as Apocalipstic suggested, where it's bound to be a topic of conversation, it's probably a good idea to avoid the topic, in general.

Unfortunately in work places with lots of men they (uhh ok we) have a tendency to act like overgrown boys. It is common to hear dick jokes and what not.

In that case I just try to laugh at the jokes and not make to many comments. If the situation gets too awkward I usually just pretend to get bored and go back to work.