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03-21-2012, 11:01 AM
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#1 |
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Junior Member
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100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?:
Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status:
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Femme Invisibility?
I know this topic has probably been brought up time and time again, but, please, share with me ways how not to be invisible!
I've slapped a pride sticker on my car... -- CHECK √ I tell all my friends and family that I'm a lesbian... -- CHECK √ Go to gay bars/events -- CHECK √ Straight people think I'm straight. Gay people think I'm straight. What more can I possibly do besides tattoo on my forehead that I am, indeed, part of the "family"? It's so frustrating! I'd just like to hear how other femmes deal with this issue. Gracias, A Hopeless Femme  
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“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~ 
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03-21-2012, 11:15 AM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
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I deal with this all the time. I used to go to alt bars and the ONLY time I ever left with a number was when a gay guy gave it to me.
~hits head on desk~ All of my friends tell me that I am intimidating so that, combined with femme invisibility, really made it hard to meet anyone. Talk about frustrating! I never learned any "solutions" so I am looking forward to the replies posted. 
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There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 03-21-2012 at 11:24 AM. Reason: typo |
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03-21-2012, 11:17 AM
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#3 |
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Practically Lives Here
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I have had this problem so often, that at one point, I considered getting a tattoo on the back of my neck that looked like a clothing label with the word "Femme". Just because I got so tired of the conversation.
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03-21-2012, 11:42 AM
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#4 |
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Member
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Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?:
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It helps to ride a motorcycle. Then you can carry the rainbow sticker bedecked helmet around with you. It's my dyke badge.
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Cheryl |
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03-21-2012, 11:44 AM
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#5 |
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Member
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Ok, So I'm at the store yesterday shopping for a new dress.. (bought two!) I also had the added/welcome frustration of spying a very very hot butch doing something in the store that resembled putting up racks.. I don't know about you but I'm not going to walk up to someone and say hey sexy Im into what you've got to offer, wanna play?
What do we do?? how can we help our counterparts distinguish us in the crowd of soccer moms, dazzling beauties who are strickly dickly and well the curious janes who just wanna look and wouldnt know how to touch even with a manual attached? I have this tattoo on the back of my shoulder its a triangle of stone with the pride colors in the center radiating out like a pool of color, so it is my only distinquising mark of "Family" I mean honestly Ladies I get it..but not enough of it! And living in Michigan means... cold weather and I'm not baring shoulders for months on end. Flirting has its thrills but damn.
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03-21-2012, 11:46 AM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
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Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... 
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If I had a pound for every person that’s said I’m too straight acting to be gay, I’d be a millionaire! LOL!
I’ve even been told a few times that I’m ‘too nice a person’ to be gay! …What??? Once, I got so fed up with these statements that I said if the woman really wanted proof that I’m gay, then she might want to date me a while, then should things go well, the proof would be in the love making! It's not the most elegant comeback I’ve said, but, she got the message, lol!
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What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart... |
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03-21-2012, 11:49 AM
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#7 |
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Mentally Delicious
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Married to JD. 
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I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot
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03-21-2012, 12:18 PM
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#8 |
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Practically Lives Here
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Carry one of these in your purse...
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03-21-2012, 12:46 PM
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#9 | |
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Senior Member
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BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?:
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Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities...
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What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart... |
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03-21-2012, 12:51 PM
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#10 | |
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Junior Member
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100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?:
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Single
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“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~
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03-21-2012, 12:55 PM
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#11 |
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Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?:
Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status:
Single
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Maryland (Somewhere near Baltimore)
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I'm a bit shy, so approaching a butch is out of the question for me (unless I've had a few shots of vodka, that is). I have to admit, I'm excellent when it comes to looking "hetero". I've lived this way most of my life, until I finally realized that I wasn't.
I'm considering getting a little tattoo, but have no idea where. I'm thinking maybe my wrist. Could be covered up by my watch when need be. Any suggestions on tattoos?  Thanks ladies for your responses.
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“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~
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03-21-2012, 12:55 PM
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#12 | |
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Timed Out - TOS Drama
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I'm not trying to get noticed by anyone, but when I see other family members I try to go out of my way to make eye contact and smile, especially if I'm with my partner. Although, I do that with most everyone anyway, so 
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03-21-2012, 12:58 PM
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#13 |
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Infamous Member
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I do remember, in my single days, how this would frustrate me to no end!!!!!
Trying to catch their eyes so you could smile, the whole "I AM FEMME WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME" feeling. It really is hard to get butches/trans/FtMs attention out there in the real world. I went through a drive through yesterday and there was the cutest little baby butch at the window. OMG she was probably 17 or so. I SOOOOOOOOO bad wanted to say to her... "I'm family. Are you ok? Is your family accepting? Do you need a Momma to talk to or just a friend?" Someone should come up with something we can say and not just the rainbow thingy cause heck my granny used to have a rainbow wind catcher. That's not enough. We need a code word or something so that butches or any part of our family hears it and thinks...oh cool "she's" one of us. Or maybe a secret handshake. Something!!!
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~ I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou |
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03-21-2012, 01:00 PM
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#14 |
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Junior Member
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100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?:
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Single
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I mostly wear black and neutral colors and I'm not into bright colors, really. Can't imagine myself wearing a rainbow. Cool for others, but not my thing. Oh well, maybe I'll get a silver double Venus symbol charm and wear the hell out of it. Guess, I can't go wrong with that. LOLL.
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“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~
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03-21-2012, 01:02 PM
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#15 |
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Practically Lives Here
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i think that is the thing that most don't get about Femme Invisibility. i am not about trying to catch a butch, it's about outing yourself as being family!
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03-21-2012, 01:05 PM
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#16 |
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Member
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I coped really well, but then I never expected to be acknowledged in the street.
I : Live in gay areas Used to have stickers on my car Didn't wear earrings or too much colour Didn't wear much jewellery at all Didn't hang out with gay men or straight women in gay places Didn't put pretty things in my hair Didn't giggle unless I was drunk Didn't humor straight men at. all. Would complain to my friends about invisibility so they'd feel obliged to step in if someone misidentified me Would dress down (slightly) or drag (queen) up when going to a gay venue or anywhere with majority gay. It sounds sucky but it wasn't for me. It took away from a heteronormative appearance, so lesbians would pick up that I wasn't straight and men would think twice before hitting on me. Now that I'm married and not worried about pulling women, I've noticed a difference. My style has become more tomboyish, yet lesbians are starting to ID me as straight. I'm convinced this is because I'm starting to break all of my own rules.
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It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. |
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03-21-2012, 01:07 PM
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#17 | |||
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Practically Lives Here
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The only people I care about feeling invisible to are butches and transguys (my sisters see me more easily than they do), but I would still have to get close enough to them without sending out 'creepy girl sneaking up on me' vibes out before they could read it.
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03-21-2012, 01:10 PM
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#18 | |
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Practically Lives Here
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Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM'
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Maybe I should carry one of those boards..... 
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03-21-2012, 01:14 PM
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#19 |
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Practically Lives Here
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dee Relationship Status:
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 Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME" |
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03-21-2012, 01:16 PM
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#20 | |
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Infamous Member
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~ I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou |
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