Can a poly/mono work?

The_Lady_Snow · 08-20-2012, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period.

i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here?
----------------

I like to view my world as poly-dementional. Poly being the key word, this could mean:

A- is monogamous to B not because A is not allowed to not be in other dynamics but because A feels and decides that B is fulfilling all needs. Even though A is mono now it doesn't mean A has to stay that way, A has consent and there's an understanding A can find X if they choose to.

The_Lady_Snow · 08-20-2012, 04:32 PM

There are also scenarios where A & B are both seeing other Alphabet characters outside of their dynamic:

A has a relationship with LMN

B may only have a relationship with Z

Z may be involved with W who happens to not be kinky/a foodie/ a person who likes travels so W is totally fine with Z finding U and doing those things with them.

Poly relationships are as different as the people involved the key is transparency.

PS

I meant to say dimensional not dementianal in post 62 I can't fucking correct it on my damn iPhone so sorry for the misspelling

The_Lady_Snow · 08-20-2012, 04:38 PM

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

QueenofSmirks · 08-20-2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

Yes, and we don't often think of them that way, and almost never discuss it. I'll pull out my annoying definition once again of "loving more than one"... A sexual component is not required.

Mel C. · 08-20-2012, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

Yes, and we don't often think of them that way, and almost never discuss it. I'll pull out my annoying definition once again of "loving more than one"... A sexual component is not required.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

I agree! If I could still edit my post, I'd add the disclaimer that the question specified "lovers" which I interpreted to be sexual but it may not have been meant that way.

girl_dee · 08-20-2012, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

Exactly! The boi and other boi that have been part of Syr's leather family are not connected sexually to any of us.

Rook · 10-02-2012, 10:21 AM

I think as long as both can commit to their emotion for each other, and the monogamous individual is genuinely sincere in their decision in accepting their poly companions other needs, or desires...and on that same token the poly individual respects their monogamous companions feelings and listens to any concerns{and even slight jealousies, which could happen..they're both human}, it's possible...
I'm even curious as to the opinion on perhaps Asexual Polysensuality..negating the sexual side...but the attraction's there, on a different level...

I think essentially it's a matter of how each person views their relationship should or could work best once emotion is invested enough to know u can Trust your better half.

Arwen · 10-02-2012, 10:26 AM

For me personally? No. And yes, I've tried it. More than once. Every time was a colossal failure.

Why? Partly my own insecurity but also my poly partner's seeming need to always find someone else, someone new. As if the current group wasn't enough. I couldn't handle it at all.

Then my partner (who claimed to have given up poly for me even though I never asked her to do that) asked if she could "be friends" with someone. I lost it. Ballistic and sick with rage, I self-destructed and ruined that relationship.

I will never (and yes, I mean never) do poly or any form of it again.

That having been said, I personally know at least two poly families. One of them has been together for more than 15 years so I know it can work. Just takes the right people with some damned strong self-confidence. In my opinion.

girl_dee · 10-02-2012, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rook

I think as long as both can commit to their emotion for each other, and the monogamous individual is genuinely sincere in their decision in accepting their poly companions other needs, or desires...and on that same token the poly individual respects their monogamous companions feelings and listens to any concerns{and even slight jealousies, which could happen..they're both human}, it's possible...
I'm even curious as to the opinion on perhaps Asexual Polysensuality..negating the sexual side...but the attraction's there, on a different level...

I think essentially it's a matter of how each person views their relationship should or could work best once emotion is invested enough to know u can Trust your better half.

i would need a definition of asexual polysensuality before i could comment.

Insecurity and jealousy are human, but they don't have to be a dealbreaker.
Having a partner who has behaviors that are not 100% honest and sincere are dealbreakers. i trust until i have a reason not to, one little untruth is a big ole dealbreaker for me.

girl_dee · 10-03-2012, 07:54 PM

Although i am not sure what exactly you are curious about Rook, i will say that i think problems arise when two people go into a relationship that are not matched on the sexual scale, or rather are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

For ME for example, Sex is not at the top of the list. *All else* is up there. Sex is what happens after all the *all else* has taken place.

For others sex is most important, then the *all else* happens.

For me, if you want to have sex with me on Friday, things need to be good since Monday. i can't turn it on and off. i have been in relationships where things were good any my partner was not interested in sex, my going out to get another lover would not have fixed that.

i feel the ONLY way poly can work is if that first relationship is rock solid. If there is resentment and unhappiness around sex, getting another partner isn't going to fix that.

08-20-2012, 04:25 PM	#1
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,079 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Originally Posted by Cajun_dee Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period. i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here? ---------------- I like to view my world as poly-dementional. Poly being the key word, this could mean: A- is monogamous to B not because A is not allowed to not be in other dynamics but because A feels and decides that B is fulfilling all needs. Even though A is mono now it doesn't mean A has to stay that way, A has consent and there's an understanding A can find X if they choose to. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

08-20-2012, 04:32 PM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,079 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	There are also scenarios where A & B are both seeing other Alphabet characters outside of their dynamic: A has a relationship with LMN B may only have a relationship with Z Z may be involved with W who happens to not be kinky/a foodie/ a person who likes travels so W is totally fine with Z finding U and doing those things with them. Poly relationships are as different as the people involved the key is transparency. PS I meant to say dimensional not dementianal in post 62 I can't fucking correct it on my damn iPhone so sorry for the misspelling __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

08-20-2012, 04:38 PM	#3
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,079 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	More thoughts One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

10-02-2012, 10:21 AM	#7
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I think as long as both can commit to their emotion for each other, and the monogamous individual is genuinely sincere in their decision in accepting their poly companions other needs, or desires...and on that same token the poly individual respects their monogamous companions feelings and listens to any concerns{and even slight jealousies, which could happen..they're both human}, it's possible... I'm even curious as to the opinion on perhaps Asexual Polysensuality..negating the sexual side...but the attraction's there, on a different level... I think essentially it's a matter of how each person views their relationship should or could work best once emotion is invested enough to know u can Trust your better half. __________________

10-02-2012, 10:26 AM	#8
Arwen Joy Seeker How Do You Identify?: Smartly-Flavored Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Mrs. Syzygy 1/9/14 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Joyville, NM (aka Land of Enchantment) Posts: 10,140 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,636 Thanked 28,119 Times in 6,414 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	For me personally? No. And yes, I've tried it. More than once. Every time was a colossal failure. Why? Partly my own insecurity but also my poly partner's seeming need to always find someone else, someone new. As if the current group wasn't enough. I couldn't handle it at all. Then my partner (who claimed to have given up poly for me even though I never asked her to do that) asked if she could "be friends" with someone. I lost it. Ballistic and sick with rage, I self-destructed and ruined that relationship. I will never (and yes, I mean never) do poly or any form of it again. That having been said, I personally know at least two poly families. One of them has been together for more than 15 years so I know it can work. Just takes the right people with some damned strong self-confidence. In my opinion. __________________ I wrote a book, y'all! *FREE* Tarotscopes Seek Joy, y'all. Eschew hate. 9Words: A Poetry Challenge \| Do you like me?

10-03-2012, 07:54 PM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Although i am not sure what exactly you are curious about Rook, i will say that i think problems arise when two people go into a relationship that are not matched on the sexual scale, or rather are on opposite ends of the spectrum. For ME for example, Sex is not at the top of the list. All else is up there. Sex is what happens after all the all else has taken place. For others sex is most important, then the all else happens. For me, if you want to have sex with me on Friday, things need to be good since Monday. i can't turn it on and off. i have been in relationships where things were good any my partner was not interested in sex, my going out to get another lover would not have fixed that. i feel the ONLY way poly can work is if that first relationship is rock solid. If there is resentment and unhappiness around sex, getting another partner isn't going to fix that.

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