Permission to propose

[Okiebug61]

What if her dad had said no?

[stephfromMIT]

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Do you mean "will marry" without their economic support? I thought the marriage was in the future. Just trying to keep the narrative straight, no pun intended.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

This is an interesting answer to Okie's question asking if you would have married without your partner's dad's approval.

[spritzerJ]

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

[Okiebug61]

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

Religion is only involved if the couple chooses to involve it. A marriage is just as valid in the eyes of the State without any religious involvement--hence the term civil marriage is used in the fight for marriage equality so people wont think we are demanding any of their church's participation or approval.

[Tcountry]

To me it is tradition& respect to ask the head of household ..or at least tell them, hey this is what I'd like to do...
its not about the response ..its about showing them the respect of asking.

Of course there are limits ...if she isn't close to family, if family has left this physical world, things like that....but traditionally, if possible...yes I would respect the head of household. But that's just me...& thats assuming I would be the one asking.

[Okiebug61]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Economic support, ah OK so this is very traditional. The parents of the bride are paying for the wedding. Are you paying for the honeymoon?

[Words]

I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct?

Words

[stephfromMIT]

Scout-You're right, the wedding hasn't happened. What I meant was: the wedding would happen, even without the economic support of my future in-laws.

[stephfromMIT]

Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

[Words]

Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband

Words

[BullDog]

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.


I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

[aishah]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.


I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks (heteronormative or not).

[Tony]

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

[Tony]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.