Permission to propose

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

[Tony]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Tony

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.

This rings true for *me*, if The Pack says no, then no kinda long lasting relationship will form. That's a whole other thread...

[Tony]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This rings true for *me*, if The Pack says no, then no kinda long lasting relationship will form. That's a whole other thread...

Absolutely true dat! If kids ain't happy, mama ain't happy.
If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;-)

[stephfromMIT]

Lady-I'm not trans.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Lady-I'm not trans.

I know, I gathered this from what *you* told me.

butch=male

femme=female


I NEVER assign or assume gender roles, I go with what people tell me they are or how they live.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Tony

Absolutely true dat! If kids ain't happy, mama ain't happy.
If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. ;-)

I was raised in a very strong matriarchial family. Most of the women raised the family primarily on their own and worked. In my extended family you want to pass mustard with my mom, her sisters, and my twin sister.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by Greyson

I was raised in a very strong matriarchial family. Most of the women raised the family primarily on their own and worked. In my extended family you want to pass mustard with my mom, her sisters, and my twin sister.

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Fo' realz???


I identify with Greyson's dynamic, coming from a Latina/o Mexican/Chicana/o culture it's our women who say how
things roll..

[firegal]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Whats also wonderfull is women are also married to women in power!

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Tony

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

This isn't funny, having a vagina doesn't make you a passive aggressive communicator.

[bright_arrow]

This is a slight derail, but with the talk of religion and rituals and wedding and heterosexuality and such, I figured I may as well mention our wedding and how/why we did what we did, if there was even a reason.

We were legally married within an inter-faith church by a pagan priestess. We were given a blessing by a fellow pastor because he wanted to be there, and his religion would not allow him to marry us so that was the best gift he could give us.

The church we were married in is one of Bard's favorite places. It was not a matter of religion, or how it may be more acceptable to society - it was simply a place that was sacred to her. Mary, our priestess, was absolutely wonderful. We wanted more of a spiritual ceremony than religious. She spoke of the elements, the higher being, the union of our families - vague enough not to offend any of my Catholic family but enough to feel the love.

We had a unity sand with three vases to bring Bard's daughter into the ceremony with us, because it was not a bonding of not two but three. We were handfasted, then exchanged rings because as Mary put it: we can not be together physically all the time, so the rings are a representation of our bond and commitment towards each other.

I am her wife, and she is my husband, wife, husbutch - we have not settled on an exact term. Normally, she is just my wife. My father (lovingly) will refer to her as my husband, and she occasionally refers to herself as my hus(house)butch. There is fluidity in the pronouns, but we don't care. I wore a dress because I like dresses, and she wore a tux because she likes tuxes. It was not a matter of her representing the 'man' in the relationship. It's just how she dresses, and it is no different than her everyday wear.

Would our wedding fit the stereotypical heterosexual wedding? Yes. Do I care? Not in the least. I got married, our family and friends were there to celebrate it with us, and we put aside enough wedding money to come celebrate with you fine folks. Win, win!

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Ok I am twitching again.

In your eyes, women rule the world one way or another because we raised (and gave birth to btw) the men in power, and cuz we are married to the men in power. And, somehow more and more we are assuming that power and its not necessarily a bad thing.

Ok might be a back handed chauvinistic attempt at a compliment. Im not sure. Feels patronizing.

Have you even heard of the War on Women that is going on?

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Dear Tony,

I know you did not intend to offend anyone and were trying to be funny, but as a woman I feel extremely patronized by this post.

Sincerely,
Scout