What Should We Do To Effect Change?

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

On a related note, personally it always bugged me when people talked of "mother" earth (Alice Walker included), but it's human nature to personify things so we can understand them.

Love this statement, so true.

[meridiantoo]

I know I'm going to step on some toes when I say this, so I apologize in advance.

It seems that it is masculine-centered norms that are destroying our earth, not to the exclusion of the feminine participating in that destruction, but I think by far, it's masculine-dominant thinking, as our society has defined it, that contributes the most to how we live.

So, how do we (especially as lesbians/Trans/Queer/Non-bio male) address a straight white bio-male dominated societal mentality?

1) I try to look at what we can personally do first, and that illuminates to me to focus on raising boys. Mothers in our society help to form the very disgusting gender-bashing and idea that males are the entitled sex and deserve different/biased treatment. I see it all the time in parent/child dynamics.

2) I think we have to get bolder in our (the GLTB community) views and work through action.

3) For God's sake, VOTE!

This is where I get stumped and would love to hear what others have to say.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I know I'm going to step on some toes when I say this, so I apologize in advance.

It seems that it is masculine-centered norms that are destroying our earth, not to the exclusion of the feminine participating in that destruction, but I think by far, it's masculine-dominant thinking, as our society has defined it, that contributes the most to how we live.

So, how do we (especially as lesbians/Trans/Queer/Non-bio male) address a straight white bio-male dominated societal mentality?

1) I try to look at what we can personally do first, and that illuminates to me to focus on raising boys. Mothers in our society help to form the very disgusting gender-bashing and idea that males are the entitled sex and deserve different/biased treatment. I see it all the time in parent/child dynamics.

2) I think we have to get bolder in our (the GLTB community) views and work through action.

3) For God's sake, VOTE!

This is where I get stumped and would love to hear what others have to say.

Well I'm not a mom and I had a really hard time being a stepmom (my partner didn't want me to use that word, but I don't know what else to call it except I was that lady that lived in the house for a while).

So my views on raising boys are based on 1) my own miserable experience of living with a boy for over two years; and 2) my observations of lesbian moms—I'm thinking of five women whose homes I've been in and whose kids I've met.

I'm mulling over whether they raised entitled brats or responsible non-sexist men.

But you know what, the mom is not the only factor in how a kid turns out, powerful as moms are. Society and culture and peers and the economy and DNA are such huge factors in a kid's development. The mom does her best, is a huge, huge influence—but the kid also lives in a big world outside the family.

You're right, we can do our best to raise nice humans. But we're not totally to "blame" if they don't turn out that way, IMO.

(Said the non-parenting femme, who was a miserable failure as a "stepmom.")

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Well I'm not a mom and I had a really hard time being a stepmom (my partner didn't want me to use that word, but I don't know what else to call it except I was that lady that lived in the house for a while).

So my views on raising boys are based on 1) my own miserable experience of living with a boy for over two years; and 2) my observations of lesbian moms—I'm thinking of five women whose homes I've been in and whose kids I've met.

I'm mulling over whether they raised entitled brats or responsible non-sexist men.

But you know what, the mom is not the whole equation. Society and culture and peers and the economy and their own DNA is such a huge factor in a kid's development. The mom does her best, is a huge, huge influence—but the kid also lives in a big world outside the family.

You're right, we can do our best to raise nice humans. But we're not totally to "blame" if they don't turn out that way, IMO.

(Said the non-parenting femme, who was a miserable failure as a "stepmom.")

Well said.

I don't mean to imply it's all on the mom, but I think parents have to start there, where the mythology begins to form. I did make that statement biased toward those who identify as female/feminine, and I apologize. Fathers are just as needed/responsible and capable. And it takes a village to raise a child - so many influences and factors that contribute. But, I think parents have the most impact.

I see a trend with the Baby-Boomer generation that will dissolve as that group passes out of the "changers and money-makers" realm - the mentality that the father is bread-winner and the strong sex and the woman is the stay-at-home domestic goddess where she belongs. People now raise their daughters to be strong, independent, smart, and make good choices that affect their futures. This was not always so. But, no one seems to focus on the boys, other than to teach them to be a responsible, productive member of society as well as the usuals (protect and never hit women, women are the weaker of the of two sexes). I think the newer generations will see a more balanced view between the sexes just as they are more accepting of the GLTB community.

Just as an aside, if your partner did not even recognize you as a step-parent in the relationship (this is me speaking with no knowledge of your relationship nor any of the parameters) then it stands to reason that you would fail as a step-parent. You were set-up to fail. You cannot be an effective parent where the other parent/partner devalues your role, mirrors to the child that you are just a temporary, non-parental fixture, and I hope that you don't judge yourself so harshly for that. I've dated 2 women long-term with children (I do not have children of my own). I understand, or at least think I do, many of the facets of this, but I still think, in the end, if you are not given shared responsibility and parental role authority in the relationship, then you will not be anything other than "the current one my parent sleeps with". This is fine for some and best for temporary, passing relationships. This is a whole other topic and thread, but I wanted to say this to you because I struggled with feeling like a failure also until I understood better what was really happening.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

Just as an aside, if your partner did not even recognize you as a step-parent in the relationship (this is me speaking with no knowledge of your relationship nor any of the parameters) then it stands to reason that you would fail as a step-parent. You were set-up to fail. You cannot be an effective parent where the other parent/partner devalues your role, mirrors to the child that you are just a temporary, non-parental fixture, and I hope that you don't judge yourself so harshly for that.

Thanks for that validation. I failed for a lot of other reasons too, but yeah, you're dead-on right about that part. Sorry to derail. I'll stay on track now.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Thanks for that validation. I failed for a lot of other reasons too, but yeah, you're dead-on right about that part. Sorry to derail. I'll stay on track now.

No worries with the derail part. I could have gone on and on, but I thought maybe it would best not to.

This would be a great thread to start, I think.

[AmazonWoman1]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I know I'm going to step on some toes when I say this, so I apologize in advance.

It seems that it is masculine-centered norms that are destroying our earth, not to the exclusion of the feminine participating in that destruction, but I think by far, it's masculine-dominant thinking, as our society has defined it, that contributes the most to how we live.

So, how do we (especially as lesbians/Trans/Queer/Non-bio male) address a straight white bio-male dominated societal mentality?

1) I try to look at what we can personally do first, and that illuminates to me to focus on raising boys. Mothers in our society help to form the very disgusting gender-bashing and idea that males are the entitled sex and deserve different/biased treatment. I see it all the time in parent/child dynamics.

2) I think we have to get bolder in our (the GLTB community) views and work through action.

3) For God's sake, VOTE!

This is where I get stumped and would love to hear what others have to say.

That teaching of entitlement to small boys does bring about the thinking that is destroying Everything.Even Ensler has planned an earth day to tie it inhttp://www.care2.com/causes/eve-ensler-goes-ecofeminist.html

I just really want to know how do we break the chains of this mindset to become more aware & less unhappy.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by AmazonWoman1

I just really want to know how do we break the chains of this mindset to become more aware & less unhappy.

I think the root of it is capitalism, I really do. It's the foundation of our socio-political structure that is to blame. But, how can this be changed?

[femmeInterrupted]

This just came across my path. Thought of this conversation.

http://dgrnewsservice.org/2013/03/01...the-sociopath/

[meridiantoo]

Great article.


Quoting from the above article: "Humans don’t destroy landbases. Civilized humans destroy landbases, and they have been doing so since the beginning of civilization." ~ Derrick Jensen

It seems this revolves around the transition from agrarian to civilized societies. When people are in touch with the earth, literally and thus psychologically, they lose respect for and connection with the land, I think.

Our focus changed when industrialization spread here and that changed the "American Dream" concept from owning your own land and living off of its bounty to how much money can I make to place myself in a higher socio-economic bracket.

However, the rape and pillaging of the land that happens is not a recent development. It merely changed from women/animals/whomever is considered an enemy (less than myself) as the main target to land as the main target. I think of the Roman Empire and their barbaric society. I think of Lord/Feudal systems in Europe and I am not convinced that it is a purely "type of man" problem as much as it is a "human man" problem. While these are examples of civilized societies, there is recorded evidence of the same type of behavior/mentality since recorded history began. We just did not have the tools/weapons of mass destruction/capability to induce such catastrophic damage on such a large scale in such a short time period.

This leads me back to the idea of stewardship that Arwen introduced. I think this still applies as the best answer, but it still seems to me that the more masculine/male/yang characteristics/qualities are the overall perpetrators in the destruction of land/people/animals.

Thoughts? Opinions? Perspectives?