Breaking it down - describe the Femme that you are

[pinkajl]

I am an old-fashioned femme who likes my doors opened for me, especially when we're in the midst of an argument because it helps to ground me back to the root of the dance.

I am self-sufficient. When the plumbing needs to be done or the drywall needs to be repaired, I have no problem getting the tools and doing the job myself, if no one else is available.

I am a nurturer. I've been told I'm a good cook and I like to bring people together to feed them and help develop community.

I am wicked smart but I don't equate level of education with level of intelligence. Illogical arguments irritate me. I have much respect for the person who can simply say, "I don't know" rather than think they can bluff their way through a conversation.

I am a Mamma Bear. Mess with my children, my butch, or a dear friend and there will be consequences. Mess with me and chances are I will just ignore you.

I am a fighter for justice, yet I'm not motivated by money. I will take a case pro-bono if I feel as though you are clearly the underdog and justice has yet to serve you well.

I am somewhat crunchy granola and very aware of my carbon footprint. I believe very strongly in living gently upon the Earth and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

I am a difficult person to live with. My life has been what it is and while I try to laugh and continue to be committed to self-improvement, I still have my triggers.

I am fiercely loyal to the people I trust.

I am budget conscious and insist on living within my means, with minimal to no debt. At the same time, I like nice clothes and shoes. Since I get a kick out of thrift shops and yard sales for the best bargain, I satisfy my need for fashion finds without blowing my budget.

I am a woman through and through. I know who I am, yet my identity is invisible to most people I come in contact with. I gain my strength by proudly standing next to my butch, who has faced hardships that I will never have in my life. Together, we nurture one another to be the best possible people we can be.

[sofimichi]

I am very self-conscious.
I have an eating disorder.
I have low self esteem.

I have a fiance who makes me happy, but no one else knows me like she does.
I sometimes struggle to tell her the truth about everything.
I like to keep quiet so people can't read my emotions.

I feel that everyone needs to hate me, and when they don't, I think they are stupid.
I love to take care of people.
I work with people every day, and it is okay for me.

I am very independent, but seek a life of dependency.
I am very boring.

[Londen]

I'm super femmy!

I prefer to have doors held for me and chairs pulled out, I'd rather not wear the pants in the relationship although I could but it would deffinatly rub me the wrong way deffintaly wouldn't work out. I feel that people think that being femme is a style as if it depends on how much makeup you wear or how high your heels are, to me it's a feeling it's literally who I am
You can take away my heels and makeup and whatever else and I'll still feel the same. I'll still like florals and lace and still want someone else to carry the heavy bags. That doesn't mean I won't do it for myself I mean I'm a kurvy girl and I've been raised by a bunch of guys, people tend to think that just because I'm bigger that it makes me more masculine and it really offends me :/ like deeply :/
I like getting my nails done and spending hours in sephora ^^ I'm kind of old fashioned I guess, I like cooking and baking and for some reason I find cleaning satisfying ^^ I'm into crafting and home making, super eco friendly! ^^ I love reading a good book and I enjoy writing, I've been told I'm good but who knows?
I'd honestly rather someone else take the reins, maybe it's because I've never had that happen, like I said people assume that because I rock an affro occasionaly and I'm a size 16 and I don't wear heels all the time that I'm not femme? Like since when has that defined us? or me for that matter. I'm ranting yes, don't judge me lol. I suppose I'm into classic roles you know? I prefer to do the cooking and the cleaning for some odd reason I like housework? lol Although I'd still want to keep my job ^^ er my future job lol

I used to feel SUPER guilty that I prefer women more masculine than myself (i.e. Butches,stone butches,deisal dykes, ect.) my friends (my "friends" in the community) tried to convince me when I was just coming out that what I really wanted was a man like ugh no thanks I'm so glad I'm over that. How is this relevant to the topic? well I feel like if I didn't like masculine women that I wouldn't be as feminine?

I'm into entertaining ^^ I love cooking for people goodness forbid if you tell me your hungry lol I am pretty self sufficiant, I can stand on my own 2 feet I've only been doing is since I was like 8. I have a big personality ^^ Except when it comes to relationships then I can be pretty submissive, well I prefer to be, It makes me happy? I know that must sound super strange but it does make me happy to please others especially my mate in which ever way they require:}

My home is literally my castle, it's always been a dream of mine to be a princess since I was little ^^ but yes my home is my castle I spend hours organzinng, cleaning, primping and pressing until it's perfect for myself and my mate and my family :}

I just got out of the habit of wearing makeup, (althogh I am getting back into it just because I like it, especially eye makeup!!! ^^) I used to wear it to hide or to "fit in" because I was misinformed that that's what being a femme is all about and because that's what I thought people wanted, that it made me "prettier" and it may be true but if you want to be with me, well I don't wake up with flawless skin and cat eyes so get used to the natural me, that's the truly femenine part :}

I suffer from PCOS which can be a very debilitating blow to your femininity :/ the symptoms are so hard to deal with, you grow hair in places you don't want, you gain weight you don't want, you can become infertile and theres absolutly no cure :/ :{ which makes my femininity THAT much more important to me. I literally have to fight for it in every aspect of my life.

Idk anyway I'm a flower power, little black dress wearing, cake baking, pink fuzzy slipper toting, yet still has no problem getting her hands dirty kurvy brown little femme :}

[Lady Pamela]

I just wanted to bump this thread because of how wonderful and insightful and raw it is. Many others have posted here and I wanted to bring it upfront so the amazing things they have said can be seen.
Also, in hopes of seeing others post as well...similes

[GeeGina]

I originally struggled with being so very femme. When I first came out in college, my understanding that we must reject what was described to me as the "paternistic/cisgendered" idea of what a woman ought to be. Problem was, that while I rocked my flannel and shapeless jeans, I missed my pedicures and ached for the feel of a sundress on a warm July day.

Then I met someone who simply said "be the woman you want to be with no apologies" and leave it to the world to figure it out. That advice made perfect sense because just as I won't make excuses for my preference, neither will for how I express myself.

That said, I still like to shave my head in the summer and will occasionally smoke a very big cigar. Beyond that, I'm that chick - a word I never object to - who likes to dress up for a date and will endlessly try on shoes while you hold my bags. I'll spend hours preparing great meals and I'm that girl who walks in the room at just the right time with a giant tray of homemade snacks during Sunday football.

I will wear lingerie and old and oversized concert/college t-shirts to bed. I will take my time getting ready for a date and I will sneak out of bed early to brush my teeth if it looks like my partner is an early riser.

I enjoy the chase and while I value a partner who's up for the pursuit, I don't play too hard to get. I'm mostly a bottom, but take pride in being able to please my partner and see to their needs just as well as they see to mine.

I take care of myself and make my own way in the world, but I still like it when my partner makes me feel safe, secure, and maybe a little spoiled too.

I'm always finding - and occasionally blurring - the fine line between indulgence and discipline. I work out and stay fit, but will eat ice cream right out of the container when I surrender to impulse.

I'm not a bitch - but I'm not a pushover, either. Don't mess with my spice rack, my heart, or my people. Do that, and you get the fangs and claws.

I'm outgoing and make really good first impressions, plus I try really hard to be arm candy for the right occasions.

I like dating people who are older than me. Some of my best dates began with "I don't normally date women your age, but..."

I am a loving daughter and doting auntie...but I'm not sure motherhood is for me.

I like it when you hold the door for me...or surprise me in the shower.

I purr...and I roar.

[Selenay]

I'm a femme.
Except when I don't feel like being a femme.
But don't you dare ever say that I'm not.

[silkepus]

I’ve struggled for some time with my femme identity. I wasn’t sure I was even a lesbian until I stumbled upon butches/studs/bois/masculine of center lesbians and something in me just went- yes, yes please.

So at first I thought I had to be femme because, I was attracted to butches. But that kind of annoyed me. I don’t want to take on an identity that’s only based on who I fancy. So I’ve read up a lot on butch/femme dynamics and identities, but I have yet to find a clear reason to why, apart from my butchfancies I should label myself a femme.

I know who I am as a person. I'm bookish and kind of nerdy. I like some girly things like dresses and baking and adorable things as well as using the word adorable (a lot). But I also like traditionally masculine things, like camping and fishing. I prefer blue to pink, I prefer barefoot to heels.

There isn’t anything especially about me that would stand out as femme or feminine, I look like your average 23 soon to be 24 year old.

I think the reason I identify as femme is simply because it sits right with me. When I heard the word and found out about it all, something just felt right.

I read somewhere, although I don’t remember quite where, that femme is finding a way to be a girl that doesn’t hurt. Something about that really gets me.

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by silkepus

I’ve struggled for some time with my femme identity. I wasn’t sure I was even a lesbian until I stumbled upon butches/studs/bois/masculine of center lesbians and something in me just went- yes, yes please.

So at first I thought I had to be femme because, I was attracted to butches. But that kind of annoyed me. I don’t want to take on an identity that’s only based on who I fancy. So I’ve read up a lot on butch/femme dynamics and identities, but I have yet to find a clear reason to why, apart from my butchfancies I should label myself a femme.

I know who I am as a person. I'm bookish and kind of nerdy. I like some girly things like dresses and baking and adorable things as well as using the word adorable (a lot). But I also like traditionally masculine things, like camping and fishing. I prefer blue to pink, I prefer barefoot to heels.

There isn’t anything especially about me that would stand out as femme or feminine, I look like your average 23 soon to be 24 year old.

I think the reason I identify as femme is simply because it sits right with me. When I heard the word and found out about it all, something just felt right.

I read somewhere, although I don’t remember quite where, that femme is finding a way to be a girl that doesn’t hurt. Something about that really gets me.

Let me tell u that just cause u lime t camp or fish or whatever else that DOESN'T mean ur less femme then the next femme

How U see yourself is ALL that matters. You don't have to have a reason or find one. U r who u R

[Erryl]

I'm a laid back, occasional-femme.

I'm a stay at home mom to our daughter who is 12. Most days I'm in pajamas/comfy clothes all day. On days my beautiful occasional-butch wife takes us out I usually dress up. Jeans and a tee to pencil skirt and pumps kinda wardrobe going on here. If I'm in a skirt or dress, I'm in makeup.

There's no real roles in our house. We all do girly home-spa days and makeovers. My wife is the cook. I'm the clean. We are both kinda in the middle of the butch-femme scale, the wife is just slightly farther on the butch side and I'm slightly farther on the femme side. I totally just pictured us standing on a scale.. ew. scales and chubs like me don't mix.

[Chinajewelry]

I am a pink loving femme. I love gel nail polish, putting makeup on everyday, yet I wear sweat pants almost everyday! I feel awesome when I flip my long hair over my shoulder... I do as much as I can to further animal liberation and their rights. I'm a vegetarian. I know the earth is sacred. Nature is beautiful. I recycle, but I should do so much more. I'm the femme who loves to bake but can't really cook. I'm the femme who plays Mario 64 as much as possible ! I don't wear leather but I love the look and have several faux leather pieces of clothing including a pink motorcycle jacket! I love spikes and metal and useful things like braids, rope and carabiners! And I love to smoke reefer But i also love cosmos and dresses and heels and especially earrings. My brass knuckle pair is my favorite

[vagina]

I am not sure exactly what makes me or anyone for that matter Femme. In historical context, Femme means that I dress in skirts and heels to attract Butches. I feel that what makes me Femme is that I am a lesbian and prefer women with certain features and characteristics that are Butch. Being Femme to me means that I can change oil and balance the tires; I can snowboard better than the guys, while my Butch can cook and sew me under the table. Femme means that my seduction game is completely different from the Butch. My confidence comes from being able to seduce with tinted red lips and the swing of my hips. Femme means that I can spot a Butch from a mile away! Femme for me means that I like for Butch to be the lead in dancing... just long enough for us to figure out a way to let me take the lead. Femme means that I have memories of wanting to dress in silk nighties and wanting to be seductive. It means that I have memories of seeing women's breasts and desiring to feel them. Femme means that I desire the Butch women exactly for their walk and the signals that they send out. Femme means that to the outside world it will always seem that it is the Butch who protects me, yet in our hearts we both know that we protect each other.

[Words]

Originally Posted by vagina

Femme means that to the outside world it will always seem that it is the Butch who protects me, yet in our hearts we both know that we protect each other.

I love this. Thank you!

[QueenofSmirks]

I'm a badass queer femme. I'm extremely independent and I don't take shit from anyone. My usual style of dress is not frilly; I'm more comfortable in capri's and tshirts, however, I can, and do wear a dress/skirt/lingerie and heels when the mood strikes me. My nails are always polished and I wear a moderate amount of makeup on a regular basis. I like motorcycles, tattoos, and I play a mean game of poker.

[SirenManda]

I'm extroverted and typical scarlet southern type.

I love animals, I find compassion and love for all things.
Netflix and baking are my favorite pass times.
Football is a big deal to me, where I'm from it's a religion.
I can be hard on myself, I always feel like I can do better. Even if I'm the best at something there's that feeling I can do more.
I rarely open myself to others, once I feel I can't trust you my emotional wall becomes the only emotion I show.
When I get angry, my accent gets thicker.

[Christina]

I am a Stonefemme who caters to the needs & desires of a Stonebutch… Lipstick, high-heeled, femininely polished look at all times, yet who enjoys a deep flushed tangled haired sweat that only a butch can induce within me…

A femme whose heart skips a beat for all the wonders in life, who sees a part of me in other sister-femmes… no matter where they identify on the spectrum…

A femme who appreciates the gift that has been bestowed upon me… having the ability to see a butch through their self-vision, to respect boundaries, encompass mindsets, embracing their need to be whole… whether strapped or not…

But mostly importantly I am a femme who has learned to not lose sight of myself in love and in life…

Resonating…

[Vivacious1]

I just wanted to say that I started reading this thread tonight and couldn't stop! It amazes me that there are so many wonderful women here. While some of the stories seem so intense, the courage and strength is amazing. Proud to be femme! Go girls.

[thedreamerin]

If there was ever anyone born in the wrong era it is me.
What sort of femme am I?
The kind that loves to dance barefoot in the rain.
I am the kind of femme that will had you the hammer so you can get the nail in, because no matter how hard I try I always get it crooked. I'm the kind that will fix you dinner because it pleases me, not because I feel like I have too.
I bake to relieve stress.
I occasionally wear jeans.
I adore my long skirts.
Sometimes I dress vintage with a minimal amount of makeup... The style is often described as pin up girl I believe... Other times I look like I come straight from the sixties. Flower power!
I am the type to hug a tree just because I feel about it. I hate grocery shopping, but I love window shopping.
I don't like see through clothing for myself, though I admire some of the more tasteful ensembles on other people.
I'm the type of femme that has no problems sitting with my feet crossed under me while on the couch, just watching an occasional western.
I have such a hunger for knowledge that you can talk to me about anything, but I warn you, if it has too much to do with a car you've already lost me with the first sentence, but I will keep listening because I am absolutely charmed with the way you talk.
I'm crafty, but I can't follow instructions to save my life, so I find my own way.
I'm the type of femme that thinks it be perfectly okay to sleep in her shirt... and nothing else.
I'd absolutely be tickled pink if you get the door for me, but I wouldn't expect it.
I'll buy my own.
I'll kill the spider, or shoo it out the house, but if there is a mouse? I'm done. LOL
I sing in the shower, while I'm cleaning, and sometimes if you're lucky I'll serenade you.
random facts ****
Loves unicorns
is a dork
loves kittens
loves puppies
love love loves bunnies
and yes, chickens
fantasizes about fixing an old vw bug bus and maybe seeing different parts of the country
Im the type that believes relationships are meant to be even leveled. What you give I will give equivalently. We're meant to be partners and I refuse to be handled with kid gloves... except when I am at a low point and just want you to hold me.

Finally, I'm the type of femme that can't be placed in a box, because for me just like MacGyver I'm going to find about a million ways to escape it.
I am also a nurture type... hence why I work with kids.

[catlady]

I am the lady who loves a cat on her lap while I sip tea and read a book. I love books on nature, witchcraft, occult, science, philosophy, and especially about cats. When I'm not reading, I love creating. I love writing poetry, stories, and even educational papers. I love making crafty cute pretty items.

I go for natural beauty--no make up. I love wearing cute dresses, combat boots, and gladiator sandals. No high heels for me. Cute handbags are an addiction to me, I can never have too many bags.

I also love beautiful instrumental music. Playing my violin makes me feel magical.

[Shystonefem]

I had to think about this...

I am a stone.

I am playful.

I spend hours every week taking care of myself (working out, hair, nails, etc) because that is what makes me feel sexy and I want the person I am with to be proud of me.

I can melt a butch's heart with who I am but I can turn ICE COLD if I am hurt ...

I don't like games, cheats or liars.

I am beyond protective.... and need to feel protected too.

I don't care if someone opens the car door for me or not. I do care about opening an entry door (that is called manners).

If I want someone, I want them. I don't need them.

I am a vegetarian who cares very much about animals and the environment.

I have a huge heart and always sides (and fights) for the underdog.

I wear dresses, skirts, jeans, heels, sneakers, boots... my clothing is fairly eclectic. As long as I feel good, I'll wear it.

I despise arguing and would much rather talk things out. It takes a lot to make me yell....

I need passion in all parts of my life....

I don't fall fast but, when I fall, I fall hard.

I am attracted to strong and sexy. A butch who is confident but not cocky. There has to be that sexy vibe. The sexy vibe is easy to spot, even on here with just posts and chat. Funny is always good too.

I hate it when people think they are better than others. Nobody is better, just different.

I am extremely shy until I feel comfortable. If I am at a party, I am the one talking in a small group and not the one talking to everyone.

I am spiritual and more eclectic Pagan than anything else. Religion is a non-issue with a partner.

I have this wall..... friends have told me that they can almost see the wall go up.

I can't hide my feelings, I am pretty transparent.

Idk... I am just me

[l'Cie]

I am a Femme. Albeit a delayed one.
I am independent. Self-sufficient. Worthy. No I don't always feel that way but in the darkest part of my soul...I just know.
I am fiercely loyal. If I care about you, then I will always care about you. Even if my back bears the scars of your betrayal. Be warned though...when you stab me, I will come at you with a machete and carry on caring afterwards.
When I hurt, I hurt deeply. But my heart is ever-forgiving nonetheless.
I'm a dork. A nerd. A geek. And awfully proud of it.
I prefer a couch and cuddles to a party and love nature and all it's wonder. Except spiders. And locusts. And frogs. The trees. I like nature's trees.
I sing when I bake. I sing when I'm sad. I sing when I sketch. I love sketching. I don't know where it comes from or how it got there. But I love it.
I still use frequent hand gestures when explaining something that excites me and still make grabby hands when I see something that excites me even more (stuffies! I'm a stuffie hoarder. And games.)
I am a Gemini. Which with me, means an idea is usually followed by an even better idea (eg Take a nap...noooo let's have a cookie or four first before that nap) and laughter at inappropriate times
Exercise calms me. So does killing a hoard of demons in Diablo 3 and writing.
I love helping others. It makes me so happy. Being nice to someone just because I've been given another day to do so.

I am a totally weird introvert who's just working hard at being me