What do you do for closure?

[Hominid]

The wild swing to, "maybe it's because she loves me so much and is hurt?" -
Self delusion is such a mind fuck!!

[starryeyes]

I learned that we don't really need closure. I thought I did, and did some really self destructive things trying to obtain it, and never really got it. After I started working on myself, I realized the only thing I could control was myself... And the "closure" wasn't necessary. What was that closure going to give me? Was it going to make me feel better?? Was it going to close the gaping wound in my heart (or tear it back open??). The only thing trying to get closure gave me was more grief and despair.

From someone who has been there, and back.... Take it from me. Move on, find things you enjoy and live your life. It's the only thing that will relieve what you are feeling and IT DOES GET BETTER (I promise)

<3

[Hominid]

Originally Posted by homoe

Sometimes one never gets closure! One just has to trudge forward and hope for the best. I watched friends as they 'parted ways' and the thing that always baffled me was the fighting over possessions. That I will NEVER understand! When my relationship ended, I mourned that, NOT the lost of any possession! You can always buy another set of sheets, CD, DVD, or towel, a new relationship, not so much!

Yes, I admit that adds to the hurt - I'm trying to deal with a very intense love and responses are about materialism. Not necessarily evil (again trying to find the elusive sunny side) - maybe the feelings were long gone. But I suppose I would care about the feelings of anyone, whether I loved them anymore or not.

[~ocean]

This might seem far fetched to comprehend ~ closure comes with the next "Hello" between you both ~ time does heal wounds ~ enjoy your life ! after all it is for the living

[TruTexan]

I'm NOT going to waste my head space in trying to figure it all out, Just move on forward and don't look backwards. Keep on keeping on, my own sanity is what is most important to me and in keeping my head sane in thoughts, then I must let go of all that has passed, including the material things I can replace.

[The JD]

I once made a "break-up" diorama with Lego people to help with closure, or at least to turn the anger over such a ridiculous break-up into ridiculous art.

The healing for me always comes when I'm too busy being engaged in my own life to think about it. I've had a break-up where I felt like the healing would happen when she acknowledged the ways in which she hurt me. I imagined the kind of Hollywood scene where people suddenly grow up and see the harm they've done and take responsibility for it. And amazingly, I even got that moment several years later. But I didn't need it, because I'd already healed on my own. What's more, had she given me that acknowledgment and apology before I was healed, it wouldn't have healed me or given me closure. That's something I can only give to myself.

I know I've got closure when I can feel compassion again, instead of anger or disgust. That doesn't mean I always reach out when I feel it, though. I need to have compassion for myself too, and that sometimes means leaving the past in the past.

[JDeere]

Delete all pictures, emails, voicemails, etc off everything electronic device I own.

And just delete them from life.

[Hominid]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Delete all pictures, emails, voicemails, etc off everything electronic device I own.

And just delete them from life.

For me, that requires a level of disregard I can't summon for someone I care(d) for so much, and made promises to honor. Just because she can forego promises, I don't have to be that person.

Then again, most everyone I know wants to smack me in the head.