How we grieve

[Bèsame*]

I think the hardest part for me was last weekend. I had to say goodbye to just my Mom when I left. As I was packing up the car with some of my father things, I was crying. I had to go into the house and say, I have to go Mom, or I'm going to keep on crying. We both were crying by then and that broke my heart. Her story to her friends that week, her breaking point was picking up my Dad's ashes. I broke when I opened the hutch and saw his ashes. But what really killed me was leaving. I cried for 4 hours, and I had a 10 hour drive ahead of me.

when I got home, I just wasn't the same. It took me a few days to find myself and come back into our love story. Things are getting better, however I'm still watching the calendar. And I won't be able to share with him what's going on.

[Demure]

What emotive and powerful posts, thank you for sharing them.

I've been very lucky for those who have passed away have visited me in dreams ... my step dad twice (he has been dead 2 years now) and this has given me comfort etc

The only time I had an issue with a death was my granny's when I was 12 and being half Irish the wake means folk get drunk and celebrate their life. At the time I didn't understand that and shouted at everyone how could they be having a party when she had only just been buried.

But recently I struggled with a different kind of grief which happened when my best mate's best mate committed suicide and I had to be there for my best mate but deal with the issues that the suicide brought up too. We are a year on and I still watch my best mate struggle daily and sometimes I hug her, others I let her cry, and the rest we talk and laugh and remember.

Time is the healer but it's having the patience to go through the whole process until the pain becomes bearable

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

This is a difficult post for me to write but I felt I had to after reading all the other posts.
It isn't April for me. For me it begins in September when 40 years ago some drunk 16 year old was out hotrodding and T-boned my mothers side of the car she was in. She spent the next month lying in a hospital bed in a comma until she died from phenomena. During that month her children weren't allowed to see her.
Yes, I was 9 years old when it happened and 40 years later I am still grieving. Some of the reason for that is simply I was 9 when I lost my main caregiver. However, in all honesty it was like a snowball effect that started with a 9 years old believing that my mom just took off. How could I think any different when my father did it all the time and none of the adults gave me anything in reality to hold on to.
As the eldest of 5 my hands were full taking care of them including the one year old to even think about grieving. When my mom passed late in Oct again her children weren't allowed to attend anything. So in my mind no proof just more lies from adults whose only talent was harming children. My father stayed around until Jan of 1977 when he summarily told me (the oldest) that we were being split up the next day. So I packed up what I coukd for my siblings and the next day I sat and watched as each were picked up by a different aunt, I of course was the last to go. Ironically I was put with the aunt that was driving that night. The person I blamed more then the 16 year old she didn't even have to spend the night at the hospital, guess alcohol makes you more resistant to energy. She was drunk too. Bitter party of one even after 40 years.
If I can give anyone advice on this. Don't shelter children from reality. They don't need gorey details obviously but without a touch of reality their imagination will take over. Prolonging their grieving process.
Yes even 40 years later I still get sad, even to the point of depression.
I was an adult when I lost my father and honestly all I felt was anger. There is a long history there that doesn't belong in this thread. However, I did have to let go of my anger over him being burried with military honors before I could grief him.