What TO DO in a relationship.....

Tuff Stuff · 09-06-2015, 10:44 PM

Affection,loads of it..and she must be right most of the time if not all of the time.If she is not happy..you will not be happy.

I don't know,that's just my experience

JDeere · 09-07-2015, 02:40 AM

Always have communication!

Daisy Chain · 09-07-2015, 03:34 AM

Dont listen with your mouth listen with your ears and when you`ve listened repeat the point back so they know you have listened and understood. Then move forward from there. Always be sure to offer them the same as you would ask of them. Forgive and forget the little things and when they piss you off be sure to remember the stuff they do that makes you feel loved and valued as well.

Daisy

Venus007 · 09-07-2015, 06:38 AM

Remember especially when fighting that you love this person and want to build something moving forward.

Having to be right, nuclear anger, winning at any cost, emotional bullying, these tools may work in the moment to win the argument but those same tools can be the identical ones that disassemble your ongoing love and trust.

Temper your speech.

Chad · 09-07-2015, 08:20 AM

Respect, my sweetheart is my love and my best friend. I respect her for all of her gifts. Always respect your partner.

Virago · 09-07-2015, 12:15 PM

LOVE this thread!

Bèsame* · 09-07-2015, 12:37 PM

Let him use the ice chest for bait..lol

Put sunscreen on each other♡

imperfect_cupcake · 09-07-2015, 12:41 PM

Understand that respect, affection, and romance are all relative. That means what you find respectful, or affectionate or romantic I might find invasive, irritating and suffocating. You can't treat people like math formulas or IKEA furniture. We aren't all brought up by the same parents, have the same life expereince or live in the same community - our understandings of many things are not a given.

What I may find playful and funny and affectionate some people will *love* and some people will find offensive. What those people who find what I do offensive, I may find their version to be smothering, overly serious and controlling.

Talk. Be open. You might have a mad crush on someone but unless you've spent a long time with them, you actually don't know what they think is romance, or what they consider respect, or what they love as affection.

No one is "right" about those kinds of things. There is just what suits you and your personality and values.

I hear all kinds of crazy shit about how what I want in a relationship is me "not wanting commitment" or some other bullocks. I do want commitment. In fact I want a minimum of 35 years of commitment. That's why I'm a hard arse with compatibility and understanding each other. I want someone who won't make me promises they actually don't know if they can keep or not for 35 years. And there is very little I know I can promise to always do for the next 35 years.

I now what I can promise. And that's talk about it and try.

09-07-2015, 02:40 AM	#2
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Always have communication! __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

09-07-2015, 06:38 AM	#4
Venus007 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Serene Highness ;} Relationship Status: Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Houston area Posts: 1,362 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,417 Thanked 4,745 Times in 1,139 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Learn to Fight Fair Remember especially when fighting that you love this person and want to build something moving forward. Having to be right, nuclear anger, winning at any cost, emotional bullying, these tools may work in the moment to win the argument but those same tools can be the identical ones that disassemble your ongoing love and trust. Temper your speech. __________________ . "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary Last edited by Venus007; 09-07-2015 at 06:40 AM. Reason: forgot title

09-07-2015, 08:20 AM	#5
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,310 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Relationship Respect, my sweetheart is my love and my best friend. I respect her for all of her gifts. Always respect your partner.

09-07-2015, 12:37 PM	#7
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: loved by many Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 15,433 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,188 Thanked 41,035 Times in 10,778 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Let him use the ice chest for bait..lol Put sunscreen on each other♡ __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

09-06-2015, 10:44 PM	#1
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,315 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9408454	Affection,loads of it..and she must* be right most of the time if not all of the time.If she is not happy..you will not be happy.* I don't know,that's just my experience

09-07-2015, 03:34 AM	#3
Daisy Chain Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Hy calls me Hys Kitten Join Date: May 2015 Location: 2nd star to the right and straight on til morning Posts: 729 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,814 Thanked 1,809 Times in 447 Posts Rep Power: 0	Dont listen with your mouth listen with your ears and when you`ve listened repeat the point back so they know you have listened and understood. Then move forward from there. Always be sure to offer them the same as you would ask of them. Forgive and forget the little things and when they piss you off be sure to remember the stuff they do that makes you feel loved and valued as well. Daisy

09-07-2015, 12:15 PM	#6
Virago Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 387 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 404 Thanked 1,123 Times in 306 Posts Rep Power: 8364711	LOVE this thread!

09-07-2015, 12:41 PM	#8
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Understand that respect, affection, and romance are all relative. That means what you find respectful, or affectionate or romantic I might find invasive, irritating and suffocating. You can't treat people like math formulas or IKEA furniture. We aren't all brought up by the same parents, have the same life expereince or live in the same community - our understandings of many things are not a given. What I may find playful and funny and affectionate some people will love and some people will find offensive. What those people who find what I do offensive, I may find their version to be smothering, overly serious and controlling. Talk. Be open. You might have a mad crush on someone but unless you've spent a long time with them, you actually don't know what they think is romance, or what they consider respect, or what they love as affection. No one is "right" about those kinds of things. There is just what suits you and your personality and values. I hear all kinds of crazy shit about how what I want in a relationship is me "not wanting commitment" or some other bullocks. I do want commitment. In fact I want a minimum of 35 years of commitment. That's why I'm a hard arse with compatibility and understanding each other. I want someone who won't make me promises they actually don't know if they can keep or not for 35 years. And there is very little I know I can promise to always do for the next 35 years. I now what I can promise. And that's talk about it and try.