Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[imperfect_cupcake]

I wish I liked dating.

[thedreamerin]

I have never been on an official date... but here are some guidelines.
1.Be clean
2. Be you
3. Brownie points if you can get the door...

I am the kind of girl who fantasizes about slow dancing in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the car radio music. Maybe a nice picnic under the stars? Heck, I wouldn't even mind going on a hike for the first date (just give a warning to wear walking shoes)
I don't know why it has to be so hard. I just want to be treated with respect. I expect that if we are on a date you would be interested in me, so act like it. An occasional compliment goes a long way.
I think as a rule if you are the one that asked me on a date you should have thought about what you wanted to do. I am pretty open to trying new things, but if you want to take me somewhere to eat you should at least have an idea of what kind of foods I can't stand. For instance, taking me to a sushi bar would be problematic.
so yeah 4. Be prepared
I don't need flowers, but they are a sweet touch. I just need your honest presence and your willingness to show me who YOU are.

[BombsiteBoudicca]

Best date I had was going for hot dogs and knishes at katz's deli in NYC. I think it took my butch daddy a while to understand he didn't have to do the fancy dinner/candlelight/hearts and flowers thing. Just laughing and talking over some simple shared food is glorious. The most important thing is that we're spending relaxed time together. I mean...I love that he buys me expensive perfume too, don't get me wrong!! ; )

Worst date? My ex had a real knack of making me cry whenever we went out for dinner (hence EX). But one time we went to a pub, and they went to get us drinks at the bar....and came back to the table empty handed- they had been carded at the bar (they were 39 at the time but has a real baby face and was often mistaken for a teenage boy) 'Old lady' over here had to go to the bar and prove my butch girlfriend was actually not my underage son. SERIOUSLY.

[thedreamerin]

Good lord, lol that tickled me. Though I am sorry it was such a crummy date.

[storyspinner70]

Way late since you posted this, but here are my ideas anyway...lol...It's definitely different for everyone, and I think you get into trouble if you fall into this "one size fits all" dating idea. Good hygiene and a clean vehicle and house are fundamental and should be kind of a given, regardless of the interaction. But when you say, "I'm going to treat her like a lady", or "I'm going to open your doors", etc, that's probably not going to be a problem in general, but not everyone appreciates those things. I, for example, am not romantic. Romance makes me uncomfortable and on edge. Open my doors, profer your arm, but if it's early in our dating history, I'd rather not have a gift from you. It makes the playing field uneven and I don't like that. I don't care where we go to eat (as long as there's something besides seafood - allergic...lmao), or what we may choose to do, I'll diplomatically (usually - unless i really hate it, then i'll generally be charming about it but not so diplomatic...lol) tell you i wasn't fond of whatever it was. For me, I won't be judging on those things. I won't be counting how many times you said fuck or if you spread your napkin just so in your lap. I'll be gauging the sound of your voice and the way you speak to me. I'll be remembering how much I laughed and how we dealt with the awkwardness that will always accompany early dates. I'll think about how often you touched me and how much you used your eyes and mouth to flirt with me. I won't care if you call me the next day or text me that very same night, but will assume we were an ember not a spark if it takes a week. I will remember the effort you made to get to know me and how easy you made it for me to get to know you. I'll remember how you deal with my unfortuantely smart ass mouth and if your humor meshes with my perverse one. Ultimately, I won't remember trappings and gentile manners, but I'll remember how genuine you are. I'll judge you not by what you do for me, but how real you are with me. These things are what matter to me and the women like me. This ended up long af, sorry...lmao...but here you go anyway...lol

[MsTinkerbelly]

I have probably answered this before, but my needs have changed over the years so......

Treat me like I am the most important person in the world, and make me feel like there is no place you would rather be than out with me.

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I have probably answered this before, but my needs have changed over the years so......

Treat me like I am the most important person in the world, and make me feel like there is no place you would rather be than out with me.

Yes, thats pretty much it......and I in turn will do the same to you.

Daisy

[The_Lady_Snow]

Like a slut....

[Shystonefem]

How about.....

Staying at one or another's home watching a movie?

Buying a 6 pack and some nacho chips?

Actually listening to what we say?

Sitting on the beach (fried dough or beach pizza would be good too)

Coffee house?

Foliage ride (if available in your area) with a stop at little shops?

It is so easy but, for whatever reason, we feel like we have to have reservations at the best place in town in order to impress or be impressed.

I met someone years ago. We went to a coffee shop. She has an actual list of questions (she was cautious) and I went on a second and third and fourth, etc date with her.

My worst relationship ever was with someone who spent a boatload of money but wasn't nice in any other way.

There are so many fun things that are free or, at least , very inexpensive.

I know myself that, if someone asked me out and we went to the beach (with crackers and a 6 pack) I would love it.

Just sayin

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Like a slut....

WOOF.

That's only happened a few times and the sex after the date was mind bending (not the first date, we'd slept together before)

Sooooooo miss it.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

to be honest, I don't even know what wholesome actually means. As far as I understand, wholesome = whole wheat bread and home baked.

Ok, I looked it up.

The definition is:

whole·some (hōl′səm)
adj. whole·som·er, whole·som·est
1. Conducive to or indicative of good health or well-being; salutary: simple, wholesome food; a wholesome complexion. See Synonyms at healthy.
2. Conducive to or promoting social or moral well-being, especially in reflecting conventional moral values: wholesome entertainment; a politician with a wholesome public image.
[Middle English holsom, from Old English *hālsum; see kailo- in Indo-European roots.]
whole′some·ly adv.
whole′some·ness n.

If we are talking about conventionally moral in a white middle american kind of way (which is traditionally where it is used) then not in a billion years.
I'm ethical, not moral. Moral is the differentiation of action and thought between propper and impropper and has a religious/spiritual beliefs system behind it. Moral does not need reasoning and it's about everything being applied cross the board.

Ethical - being in accordance to the standards of practice within a system. Either within a group of people or within a scope of profession or culture. There is reasoning to why something is ethical or not. The same action might be ethical in this instance, but may not be ethical in that instance.


I do not consider myself moral. I'm ethical.
Ergo, I can't be wholesome.
Hey ho.

[VintageFemme]

I love reading this thread and everyone's answers, but here's the thing with me . . .

if I have to tell you how I want to be treated on a date, then I'm probably on the wrong date.

[The_Lady_Snow]

ETHICAL SLUT

*twirl"

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Ok, I looked it up.

The definition is:





If we are talking about conventionally moral in a white middle american kind of way (which is traditionally where it is used) then not in a billion years.
I'm ethical, not moral. Moral is the differentiation of action and thought between propper and impropper and has a religious/spiritual beliefs system behind it. Moral does not need reasoning and it's about everything being applied cross the board.

Ethical - being in accordance to the standards of practice within a system. Either within a group of people or within a scope of profession or culture. There is reasoning to why something is ethical or not. The same action might be ethical in this instance, but may not be ethical in that instance.


I do not consider myself moral. I'm ethical.
Ergo, I can't be wholesome.
Hey ho.

[FieryRedhead]

First of all, a DATE does not include a drive through window. However, toward the end of the date if coffee is necessery it may be ordered at the drive through. I expect to be treated like a lady at all times because I am going to make you feel like a King. You will have my full attention. My cell phone will remain in my purse because you would be the center of my attention as I hope I would be to you.

I like my date to smell nice. Cologne is sexy.

We all have ex's. I'm a big girl and I get that but it should not be a topic of conversation.

Surprises are fun! I adore them! For my date to take the time to put together a fun (or) romantic (or) low key evening for us shows me that this date with me means something to you and by taking your time to put it together you think highly of me.

Our date is not about the money spent, but being who you are and showing interest in our conversation. I love hamburgers and beer, seafood, prime rib, you name it. I'm easy to please and would want you to go home excited and already thinking about our second date!

[kittygrrl]

If you please, please don't put your phone on the table at dinner..put it on silent (in your pocket), and short of an emergency, do not interrupt our conversation to answer it.

[cinnamongrrl]

what is this "date" thing you speak of...?


<<<<rusty

[imperfect_cupcake]

Please don't date me. Let's just go hang out - no rules, no formal behaviours, no formulas to follow. Just hang out as friends and enjoy each other.
After we hang out for a while, we might wind up in bed together at some point.
If we do that again, and it's agreed it's fabulous for us both, *then* we can go on dates.
This is how I grew up dating in the straight world and with non North american Butch-femme queers.
This is what I feel most comfortable doing.

Thanks for asking!

[kittygrrl]

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

Annnnd... It takes me a month.

<<< Hence the status.

(I know, not a femme and not even the thread question, just struck me)