Is Marriage for you?

[Orema]

I'm not getting married again. I was married to a man for a very long time and lived with a woman for a number of years and I don't want those kinds of relationships again.

Living on opposite sides of the park, lake or city is what I want, or even different cities would work for me. Spend a few days at her place, a few at mine, then off on our own. I like exclusive and monogamous relationships, but I need my own space and want time on my own.

[RockOn]

Is marriage for me?
Never!!

[CherylNYC]

Marriage? Perhaps... well, maybe. Not really sure.

I've never been married although I was handfasted to my long-ago ex. We also got domestic partnership, which was the only government sponsored relationship validation available to us at the time. My ex regarded our relationship as a marriage, but I did not. She was narcissistic and very difficult. I would not have gotten married to her had that been available to us, but we had all the trappings of marriage except shared bank accounts, thank the Goddess.

I very likely could have eventually gotten married to my late partner, but it wasn't available and we were only together four years before her accident. Four years just isn't long enough for me to make that choice. I would have to know and trust a person for a very, very long time before I took such a drastic step.

Now I just don't feel as if there's a life partner for me somewhere out in our small world. If I were to meet her... oh, I don't know.

Maybe.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Of course I would only marry someone who blew my socks off and I knew for years, we travelled well together, we were sexually great together, had similar goals and values, and both of us fit the not living together dynamic I mentioned.

I didn't get married to six out of seven of my long term relationships. Of course they would have to be someone I wanted to be with through thick and thin.

I'm baffled that anyone would get married for anything less than someone who blew them out of the water and to someone who fit extremely well within your life. Isn't that why you wait at least five years before marrying someone? I know people who have waited 12 years.

Who is running off and getting married less than three years with someone? That's not the fault of marriage. That's the fault of letting romance get in the way of being well matched. Most of the reasons I see for people not wanting to get married (aside from political reasons) have to do with an asshole or bizarre expectations being involved, not that they found the practice of ritual public bonding to be at fault.

I understand political reasons.

But really, it's your marriage. You can make it into any form you want.

It can be open or group or monogamous or living together or living in different suites in the same house or across town or in a different country. You can have kids, no kids, fur babies or foster. Have separate vacations, travel together as a way to live and be nomads. Have a marriage be polyandrous (many husbands). Be circus performers together.

Marriage is really individual. I'm not going to be living with someone. And although I want to take some of my vacations with them, there will be long weekends I take on my own. My space is *mine* and their space is theirs and I would love to be an adored guest in their space and them an adored guest in mine. I lived in a group vegan house with 7 other queers and genderqueers who were mostly poly when my exwife and I were first married.
Just make it up as you go along. Fuck convention.

[Stone-Butch]

I have never been married but after 10 yrs with my ex we had a union. No laws involved, just wanted to commit to each other. After 22 yrs I was committed to work and earn good money and she was lonely and fed up. I left her the house (not sell it to her), she got the trailer, the kids (two dogs and a cat) and all the furniture. These things mean nothing when your life falls apart, not to me anyway. Marriage? She would have to be super special and only after being together at least 5 yrs to even think about it.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My kasey and I were together for 2 months before she asked me to marry her...we were engaged on Christmas Eve 2002.

We had a Domestic partnership, as that was all that was available to us at the time...and I have to say we had our ups and downs (and even a brief break-up), but we have worked hard to make a very happy life together. We were married in July 2008 during the "summer of love", when marriage was legal for a short time here in California.

My Grandparents knew each other around 6 weeks before they married, had 5 children, and were married for 60 years when he passed away. I have friends that are a same-sex couple, have been together 22 years, will NOT get married, and have a committed relationship that is a joy to watch.

Married, unmarried, know you 12 years, met you two days ago....the only common thing that successful couples have, is the stubborn determination to stick it out no matter what.

Some people need the paper, but a lot of people don't. Whatever makes everyone happy.

[JDeere]

Probably no, I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be married.

I come from a long line of bad relationships and the family curse has hit me already.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by Orema

I'm not getting married again. I was married to a man for a very long time and lived with a woman for a number of years and I don't want those kinds of relationships again.

Living on opposite sides of the park, lake or city is what I want, or even different cities would work for me. Spend a few days at her place, a few at mine, then off on our own. I like exclusive and monogamous relationships, but I need my own space and want time on my own.

I always thought a duplex with a shared back yard would be a great solution.

[fever]

Originally Posted by Jane Bond

I always thought a duplex with a shared back yard would be a great solution.

This is a particularly good idea if your partner doesn't care much for children, and you have 4 grandchildren. Yes, I am about to become a grandma again and loving it!!!!!