Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[cinnamongrrl]

what is this "date" thing you speak of...?


<<<<rusty

[imperfect_cupcake]

Please don't date me. Let's just go hang out - no rules, no formal behaviours, no formulas to follow. Just hang out as friends and enjoy each other.
After we hang out for a while, we might wind up in bed together at some point.
If we do that again, and it's agreed it's fabulous for us both, *then* we can go on dates.
This is how I grew up dating in the straight world and with non North american Butch-femme queers.
This is what I feel most comfortable doing.

Thanks for asking!

[kittygrrl]

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

Annnnd... It takes me a month.

<<< Hence the status.

(I know, not a femme and not even the thread question, just struck me)

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Annnnd... It takes me a month.

<<< Hence the status.

Yeah, you're even slower than me...when it comes to the "maybes". The "maybes" always trip me up. As I've gotten older I have put more newly met people into "maybes" because I thought maybe (ha) I was judging people (as a non-match), too quickly.

I am feeling retired too when it comes to relationships. At least at the moment and the foreseeable future.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Please don't date me. Let's just go hang out - no rules, no formal behaviours, no formulas to follow. Just hang out as friends and enjoy each other.
After we hang out for a while, we might wind up in bed together at some point.
If we do that again, and it's agreed it's fabulous for us both, *then* we can go on dates.
This is how I grew up dating in the straight world and with non North american Butch-femme queers.
This is what I feel most comfortable doing.

Thanks for asking!

One of these days I am moving to Canada.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

Gemme, I never knew you were so superficial!

Is that just deciding a "no" or can you also decide a "yes" to dating the person in two minutes?

I need probably 5 minutes for a no (in some cases), but more time to determine if it is a yes (to dating).

[Angeltoes]

I like museums, plays, picnics, etc. It might be fun to go apple picking or to a pumpkin patch. Chivalry is nice to a point as long as we keep it real. Mostly I enjoy spending time with someone who makes me laugh and has something interesting to say. If they have that much going on, then it doesn’t really matter where we go.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

One of these days I am moving to Canada.

Gemme, I never knew you were so superficial!

Is that just deciding a "no" or can you also decide a "yes" to dating the person in two minutes?

I need probably 5 minutes for a no (in some cases), but more time to determine if it is a yes (to dating).

Superficial? Nah.

“It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone... but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.”

― Kahlil Gibran

But, seriously.....

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.

Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

• • 55% is through body language
• • 38% is the tone and speed of their voice
• • Only 7% is through what they say

[C0LLETTE]

[imperfect_cupcake]

It takes me several times of hanging out to make up my mind. I often don't feel any chemistry for a the first few times. I'm a slow "feeler". If you ask me how I feel about something it make take me a few days to get back to you.

So the whole " one meet up date for two hours" make a yes or no decision... Doesn't work for me. Unless it's a huge no. I usually just feel "um. Maybe? Can't tell. Gotta hang out at least a few more times and have several more conversations. And if thats ok, its still I-dont-know till we've had sex a few times. Then I'll know."

It takes me a hella long time to judge something.

Those psychologist haven't spent time in my head. It really does take me a long time.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

It takes me several times of hanging out to make up my mind. I often don't feel any chemistry for a the first few times. I'm a slow "feeler". If you ask me how I feel about something it make take me a few days to get back to you.

So the whole " one meet up date for two hours" make a yes or no decision... Doesn't work for me. Unless it's a huge no. I usually just feel "um. Maybe? Can't tell. Gotta hang out at least a few more times and have several more conversations. And if thats ok, its still I-dont-know till we've had sex a few times. Then I'll know."

It takes me a hella long time to judge something.

Those psychologist haven't spent time in my head. It really does take me a long time.

You are one of my favorite anomalies.

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

It takes me several times of hanging out to make up my mind. I often don't feel any chemistry for a the first few times. I'm a slow "feeler". If you ask me how I feel about something it make take me a few days to get back to you.

So the whole " one meet up date for two hours" make a yes or no decision... Doesn't work for me. Unless it's a huge no. I usually just feel "um. Maybe? Can't tell. Gotta hang out at least a few more times and have several more conversations. And if thats ok, its still I-dont-know till we've had sex a few times. Then I'll know."

It takes me a hella long time to judge something.

Those psychologist haven't spent time in my head. It really does take me a long time.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I can make that decision in less than 2 minutes.

Originally Posted by Gemme

Superficial? Nah.

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.

Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

• • 55% is through body language
• • 38% is the tone and speed of their voice
• • Only 7% is through what they say

Although I'm not femme and I don't date anymore, I found this interesting cause it seems to work opposite for me. It's not that I don't know in 90 seconds to 4 minutes if I fancy someone, it is that I learned over time that the person I initially fancy in 2 to 4 minutes is not likely to be the person I end up interested in.

I mean if there is zero or less than zero chemistry, then that is not likely to change over time, but as for anything other than a complete no go, I never knew for sure. Apparently what I was attracted to wasn't really what I was looking for.

Imagine my surprise.

Again and again.

Until I figured out that quirk I have.

Thank goodness all that is over. I haven't had to be puzzled by my lack of interest in what initially attracts me in over 13 years.

The good news for me is that I knew my wife for a year before I ever met her and we were not in a long distance relationship, we were not dating, we were just friends. But knowing her for that length of time made the initial attraction I felt when I met her to be something I could trust because it was also combined with the things I already knew and liked about her.

Anyway, sorry for the compulsion to add my 2 cents but those posts spoke to me and made me think about how weird this dating thing worked for me.

[kittygrrl]

scientific evidence to suggest it boils down to smell..i think initially that makes a lot of sense although in the long run not so much..chemistry definitely makes it interesting in the beginning, but it's not enough to bring truly synergy..to keep you together through the years..it's friendship, it's sacrifice, it's shared values and humor..and so many things you lose count...but they all count.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

scientific evidence to suggest it boils down to smell..i think initially that makes a lot of sense although in the long run not so much..chemistry definitely makes it interesting in the beginning, but it's not enough to bring truly synergy..to keep you together through the years..it's friendship, it's sacrifice, it's shared values and humor..and so many things you lose count...but they all count.

Word.

I don't care how good you smell or how sexy you are. If you can't hold a conversation with me, sometimes even using big words and abstract concepts, then any initial attraction goes down the drain real fast. I like handsome faces and bodies, but if your brain isn't working on all cylinders, that's a big no from me.

Obviously, as I've grown older and wiser, different things tick off different boxes for me. Now, it's less about the butch, FTM or TG version of the Mustang with a Hemi motor and more about the fun but reliable SUV version of a butch, TG or FTM guy.

Sometimes a girl likes to take her time getting to where she's going and likes to know that she'll get there in one piece and without a stopover in jail.

[cassiopeia67]

I just asked to be treated with the same kindness, respect and warmth that I will extend to you.

[kittygrrl]

like a fine piece of Irish Waterford crystal