Is Marriage for you?

theoddz · 11-11-2015, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

It's not that I'm not romantic. It's that I get sick and depressed if I don't get my own space and alone time. Some of us don't need it. I do for my mental health. Even from my most favorite people.

And here I thought I was the only one like this!!!

Is there a name for this thing, perhaps???

Don't worry, CC, you don't bear this burden alone. We shall name it and call it "ours".

~Theo~

gotoseagrl · 11-11-2015, 12:39 PM

I don't think living together and being married means you have to be around your partner 24/7. Personal space and alone time can still be achieved & honored. So can agreeing on what's fair for each person to do for the household. I don't think living apart completely eliminates the "burden" of having to agree on how things are done or having to care about each other's personal needs. You're still sharing your life with someone. And I definitely prefer to do it within the same household where sharing talks, laughs, meals, and reassuring hugs & kisses don't have to be penciled in. Though I wasn't aware that wanting separate arrangements was so popular these days. Interesting ... and it is understandable, especially for those with certain health requirements.

Though living together in marriage should still allow separate hobbies, interests, preferences, going out and times people should be able to be alone and do whatever they want or need. To me, the idea of being married doesn't mean independence or personal space has to fly out the window or that we start becoming suffocated.

On the contrary, it's a union that makes all the time and things shared even more enjoyable & meaningful - such as one place to sleep together, one home crafted together over time and much more. I guess that glass is half full in my eyes. While I can see how sharing the same space can be overwhelming for others, being as close as possible to my partner provides me with a sense of freedom, comfort, peace and extra cushion for the blows that life can bring unexpectedly, especially when you are apart.

C0LLETTE · 11-11-2015, 12:39 PM

I have a rather undeveloped theory about the advantages of marriage/civil unions/contractual partnerships...I see them as a financial, medical, retirement plan...from the perspective of an "old" woman.

I also accept that there is lots of anecdotal evidence to contradict me and many anomalies.

Nevertheless, here are some random thoughts, in no particular order:

1. "Love/Romance" plays a very small part in my theory. It's actually a very recent concept and amongst the least reliable predictors of success.

2. I understand that unless there is remarkable coincidence or co-suicide, one partner will eventually be left alone. That is a given that you just can't get around.

3. As you age it's really better to have someone there to notice you've fallen and broken your hip than trying to crawl around the kitchen floor looking for your "$25per month emergency call button.

4. Many people, particularly "single" women just won't have the individual resources to avoid a slide in their living conditions as they age.

5.Not too many people are tough enough to get old "alone"

6. Having friends, family, extended family, is wonderful but none of it comes close to having a shared interconnected relationship where multiplatform mutual security is primary.

7. Risk-taking is great for the young where there is plenty of time to correct mistakes. When you're older, you better have a plan and that plan will likely serve you much better if it's a closely shared plan.

8. Sure there are lots of trade-offs but there are no free lunches and I'd still rather share a grocery bill and sit across from my partner having some lunch.

Warning: No rigorous thought went into these opinions.

View Poll Results: What is your ststus?
I am unmarried in my State or Country	103	58.52%
I am married in my State or Country	27	15.34%
I have had an alternate joining which is not legally marriage	18	10.23%
I wouldn't get married if they paid me!	28	15.91%
Voters: 176. You may not vote on this poll

11-11-2015, 12:39 PM	#2
gotoseagrl Senior Member How Do You Identify?: old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl Preferred Pronoun?: mermaid, very lucky babygirl Relationship Status: Saltwater mermaid ♡ Join Date: May 2010 Location: CA Posts: 2,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,192 Thanked 6,103 Times in 1,727 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I don't think living together and being married means you have to be around your partner 24/7. Personal space and alone time can still be achieved & honored. So can agreeing on what's fair for each person to do for the household. I don't think living apart completely eliminates the "burden" of having to agree on how things are done or having to care about each other's personal needs. You're still sharing your life with someone. And I definitely prefer to do it within the same household where sharing talks, laughs, meals, and reassuring hugs & kisses don't have to be penciled in. Though I wasn't aware that wanting separate arrangements was so popular these days. Interesting ... and it is understandable, especially for those with certain health requirements. Though living together in marriage should still allow separate hobbies, interests, preferences, going out and times people should be able to be alone and do whatever they want or need. To me, the idea of being married doesn't mean independence or personal space has to fly out the window or that we start becoming suffocated. On the contrary, it's a union that makes all the time and things shared even more enjoyable & meaningful - such as one place to sleep together, one home crafted together over time and much more. I guess that glass is half full in my eyes. While I can see how sharing the same space can be overwhelming for others, being as close as possible to my partner provides me with a sense of freedom, comfort, peace and extra cushion for the blows that life can bring unexpectedly, especially when you are apart. __________________ Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence

11-11-2015, 12:39 PM	#3
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,170 Times in 4,339 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I have a rather undeveloped theory about the advantages of marriage/civil unions/contractual partnerships...I see them as a financial, medical, retirement plan...from the perspective of an "old" woman. I also accept that there is lots of anecdotal evidence to contradict me and many anomalies. Nevertheless, here are some random thoughts, in no particular order: 1. "Love/Romance" plays a very small part in my theory. It's actually a very recent concept and amongst the least reliable predictors of success. 2. I understand that unless there is remarkable coincidence or co-suicide, one partner will eventually be left alone. That is a given that you just can't get around. 3. As you age it's really better to have someone there to notice you've fallen and broken your hip than trying to crawl around the kitchen floor looking for your "$25per month emergency call button. 4. Many people, particularly "single" women just won't have the individual resources to avoid a slide in their living conditions as they age. 5.Not too many people are tough enough to get old "alone" 6. Having friends, family, extended family, is wonderful but none of it comes close to having a shared interconnected relationship where multiplatform mutual security is primary. 7. Risk-taking is great for the young where there is plenty of time to correct mistakes. When you're older, you better have a plan and that plan will likely serve you much better if it's a closely shared plan. 8. Sure there are lots of trade-offs but there are no free lunches and I'd still rather share a grocery bill and sit across from my partner having some lunch. Warning: No rigorous thought went into these opinions.