Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

[Katniss]

I suppose I look at pre-nups a bit differently than some of the other posters here. To me a pre-nup would be honoring a commitment I made before I met my future spouse. My daughter is 13 and as soon as I became pregnant with her I made a commitment. (Goodbye Diet Coke and and crappy eating for 9 months). Part of that commitment is to see to her financial well-being at least until she is an adult. I have every intention of paying for her college. I worked my way through college by waiting tables, working at the student cafeteria and holding a work-study position. All at the same time. Because of this I had to decline some research opportunities that had no or little pay. To this day I have very few regrets however having to bypass the opportunity to study wild dolphins off the coast is at the top of the list. I want her to be able to take the opportunities that arise and make the most of them. Like it or not money helps in this regard. When I was married I put my spouse through school. He didn't have to work at all and was a full-time student. I have also helped finance cars, pay off debts, etc. I have no regrets about this nor am I bitter. But I was younger. I'm 49 now and the "Katniss Scholarship Program for Wayward Adults" is closed. If I were to marry again (insert maniacal laughter here) I would not leave the new spouse out in the cold, but my financial past (401K, real estate holdings, etc.) is spoken for.

I also have 2 friends who were together (before the legalization of gay marriage) for 12 years. Long story short there was cheating and an eventual end to the relationship. After the dust had settled and they were on speaking terms again they had the dilemma of what to do with a beach house they co-owned. Neither could afford to buy the other out (prices had skyrocketed), and neither wanted to sell. They came up with a truce where they both still co-own the property and alternate weekends and holidays on who gets use. In their wills they have each left the other with their share of the house. They also agreed in a notarized document that should either marry then that person would have a pre-nup regarding the beach house not being communal property. This makes sense to me because the pre-nup has nothing to do with trust or lack thereof in a new spouse, and everything to do with honoring a previous commitment to someone they had at one time cared for a great deal. While a will can accomplish distribution of property a pre-nup is added insurance.

It's interesting to read the different responses. I suppose my greatest hope is that those contemplating marriage at some point sit down and have discussions about finances, debt, financial planning, etc. If a pre-nup makes the couple feel safe and cared for then I don't think anyone else should believe that marriage is less trusting or loving or "all in" than a couple that eschews a pre-nup.

Katniss~~

[TL1]

It's sad that this is in fact a necessity. At the beginning everything is all lalala great and that person would never do anything to hurt you in such a way. WRong.... By the end That person you thought you knew no longer exists and they just want to take from you. Besides what's the harm in it? If you're not wanting to ef someone over then there's no reason not to.

[imperfect_cupcake]

If a pre-nup makes the couple feel safe and cared for then I don't think anyone else should believe that marriage is less trusting or loving or "all in" than a couple that eschews a pre-nup.

Thank you.

I don't think that people who don't do prenup are foolish. Tinkerbelly's reasons are fantastic for her.

And anyone saying that me asking for a pre-nup is because I don't trust partners or its all business or I am self destructing a relationship can sit and spin.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Thank you.

I don't think that people who don't do prenup are foolish. Tinkerbelly's reasons are fantastic for her.

And anyone saying that me asking for a pre-nup is because I don't trust partners or its all business or I am self destructing a relationship can sit and spin.

I only ever say what works for me, and try to give the thought that went into the decision.

Your experience (general your) may vary, and is just as valid for you.

I'm not a judge of anyone but myself.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Exactly. That is how I was seeing it when I wrote the first post. I saw/see it as a way to protect my wife and also as a way to make things easy and less stressful if we ended. I would actually see it as me being a good husband and doing something "for us", by initiating the process for the two of us.

Originally Posted by Katniss

If a pre-nup makes the couple feel safe and cared for then I don't think anyone else should believe that marriage is less trusting or loving or "all in" than a couple that eschews a pre-nup.

Katniss~~

Exactly. That is where I was going with my post.

[clay]

My sentments exactly!

It is interesting to read all the differing views, and no one view is "right" or "wrong"...it is all part of our diversity/adversity!!!

Thanks, K!!!

Originally Posted by Katniss

I suppose I look at pre-nups a bit differently than some of the other posters here. To me a pre-nup would be honoring a commitment I made before I met my future spouse. My daughter is 13 and as soon as I became pregnant with her I made a commitment. (Goodbye Diet Coke and and crappy eating for 9 months). Part of that commitment is to see to her financial well-being at least until she is an adult. I have every intention of paying for her college. I worked my way through college by waiting tables, working at the student cafeteria and holding a work-study position. All at the same time. Because of this I had to decline some research opportunities that had no or little pay. To this day I have very few regrets however having to bypass the opportunity to study wild dolphins off the coast is at the top of the list. I want her to be able to take the opportunities that arise and make the most of them. Like it or not money helps in this regard. When I was married I put my spouse through school. He didn't have to work at all and was a full-time student. I have also helped finance cars, pay off debts, etc. I have no regrets about this nor am I bitter. But I was younger. I'm 49 now and the "Katniss Scholarship Program for Wayward Adults" is closed. If I were to marry again (insert maniacal laughter here) I would not leave the new spouse out in the cold, but my financial past (401K, real estate holdings, etc.) is spoken for.

I also have 2 friends who were together (before the legalization of gay marriage) for 12 years. Long story short there was cheating and an eventual end to the relationship. After the dust had settled and they were on speaking terms again they had the dilemma of what to do with a beach house they co-owned. Neither could afford to buy the other out (prices had skyrocketed), and neither wanted to sell. They came up with a truce where they both still co-own the property and alternate weekends and holidays on who gets use. In their wills they have each left the other with their share of the house. They also agreed in a notarized document that should either marry then that person would have a pre-nup regarding the beach house not being communal property. This makes sense to me because the pre-nup has nothing to do with trust or lack thereof in a new spouse, and everything to do with honoring a previous commitment to someone they had at one time cared for a great deal. While a will can accomplish distribution of property a pre-nup is added insurance.

It's interesting to read the different responses. I suppose my greatest hope is that those contemplating marriage at some point sit down and have discussions about finances, debt, financial planning, etc. If a pre-nup makes the couple feel safe and cared for then I don't think anyone else should believe that marriage is less trusting or loving or "all in" than a couple that eschews a pre-nup.

Katniss~~