Dating and Race

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

Yes I have been enjoying our time very much. But no I haven't agreed to a date yet like you say my speed is to get to know someone dating is saying you want more than friends. As for the race issue, I considered asking her but before I had a chance I learned the race of some of her past partners and a few things came up while we were hanging out at a club that showed me we are on the same page in spite of our area and some of our peers. If I could go back to the convo we had about what's your "type" I would have just asked then what she experienced in our area. I just felt rude or worried its not the same as gender and sexuality and offend her. Thanks for adding your viewpoint! The more the better regardless of where I am in the relationship others may wonder how they should approach the topic with a stranger.

Ps we like each other A LOT but aren't in a rush to get " romantic" dating too fast and have amazing convo!

Good for you! Take as long as you feel you need while the two of you are enjoying yourselves learning more about the other. And, if you think to, pop back in here from time to time to let us know how it's going for you.

[Dragonfly]

So here is my sign that either a) I am a complete dating "dummy" or b) she is a genius! I'm going with b cause its kinder to myself... So anyway I was saying here on this thread how we have been "getting to know each other" and "hanging out" and I got comfortable enough that I could say yes let's start dating, you know have a goal or purpose to be "more than friends" and for me the whole process is stressful and scary enough pre "date" so I have almost dreaded moving forward to the "dating" stage trying not to trigger my panic attacks and paranoia. How amazing to find someone so brilliant that they would be able to move me into "dating" so smoothly that I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE they were "dates"! So... CORRECTION: I have been dating this amazing woman, only she could know its better to just sneak it up on me like that, just wanted to share that laugh with you all. And its going even better than I'd hoped.

[tuffboi29]

Hope you don't mind me dropping bye...


I read the first post you made Dragonfly, and it reminded me very much of this ya'fa girl I had crushed on so bad in my teen years.

I was raised in...(not an out an out) racist family, but growing up I heard more than enough. As I grew older and met this girl I would get so nervous about my background...afraid something would slip or the issue of race would come up and I would be exposed as the bigots who quietly hated as they raised me. Their views and mine were not one in the same but how can one explain away the actions and comments of their family?

It took me forever to ask this young lady out. And much to my surprise and relief race was the last thing either of us thought about.
We ended up in some very comfortable discussions (about race..ect..) that naturally progressed as we went along.

Glad to see things went well for you!!

[Dragonfly]

Thanks for stopping by! I can relate to your experience in a big way. Racism is a brutal cycle that has brainwashing effects in childhood. Our first group outing with her friends we had something come up. Though it was her friend I winced for her, and as she handled it in her own way so did I for that situation. Had it been my friend I would have acted differently. Instead of confronting her and dragging her inside to right her wrong... I walked away and made it right with my own money. When my "date" and I next spoke we had our first convo about racism, her experience and way to handle things and such matters that I will keep personal. Suffice to say that we may be different but we handle these obstacles similarly, with the same attitude.

[Two-spirit]

Hello,
I just wanted to put my two cents in. I'm a 100% Native American woman (softbutch).I've mostly dated white woman,mostly because the areas I lived and grew up in,has mostly had a majority of white people there.
I've also dated blacks and a mexican..I had no problems dating or having others date me.My family has no problem dating other nationalities what so ever .They just want me to be happy...

[Angeltoes]

I'm very confused about this discussion. What is the thread about? Interracial dating? I definitely would as long as that person didn't expect me to start acting like them. Honestly,a lot about me screams 'total white girl.' I'm not interested in changing myself, the way I dress or the music I listen to. If we had mutual interests then color is no big deal to me.

[imperfect_cupcake]

It was a discussion of sept 2012 where a white girl with social anxiety wanted to ask a poc if she dated white girls but since she has social anxiety couldn't really bring herself to the point of asking if she dated white girls (aka round about way of asking if she would be rejected before she asked).

It all ended well. She found out they had already been dating and she hadn't realized it so she didn't have to go through he agony of of possible rejection if she let her desires be known.

The end.

[job]

It seemed like she was asking when they should discuss their racial differences?.... though I didn't read the whole thing.
I personally have dated more non white than white folks and have never sat any of them down and said, let's talk about this. Obviously we're different colors, I'm super white, (as in don't really tan).
I can only think of two times that it even came up.
One was in high school when I was hanging out with this guy, (not out yet,) who had racist parents, which I wasn't used to. I mean I was used to racist parents because mine were VERY racist, but I wasn't used to talking to someone with racist parents. The problem in the situation was, where do we hang out or go to relax because neither could take the other home.
The second time was my very first girlfriend. She wanted to meet my grandparents so bad. I told her I don't think that's a good idea. (I don't speak to most of my family. Including the ones who raised me: the grandparents.) She absolutely insisted. She was so excited, "I'm going to wear a dress,"... and be like this and do that....so I said ok, set it up, and she met them. She had an awesome southern drawl and talked so sweet. I, personally thought she was so cute that day. But, they were just like, whatever. Grandpa was the real racist and didn't say one word to her. Grandma would ask her little questions and smile when she answered, but remained pretty aloof. In the end we were like, fuck 'em and that was it. I told her I thought it was really cool of her to care enough to try.
Other than those two times, there's never been an issue.

[angelface]

But I only date one type of race and that's the HUMAN race!

Obviously I have a preference for the adult female gender of the species, who rock very well the femme identity but that where my discrimination stops.
Yes there are certain likes and dislikes with reference to their character that may or may not be appealing, but to make my decision on whether to date someone solely based on their pigmentation is as shallow as the colour (aka color) on the skin.

Actually call me an International Lover

I understand the original purpose of the thread was to ascertain whether two different skin tones would date, so I say if two people are attracted to one another...go for it!

[l'Cie]

Oh how I wish the ladies over here had your outlook Angelface.

I get overlooked totally because of my skin colour. Or maybe it's just me that's off-putting. Either way, it's actually quite disheartening to say the least

[Orema]

Originally Posted by l'Cie

Oh how I wish the ladies over here had your outlook Angelface.

I get overlooked totally because of my skin colour. Or maybe it's just me that's off-putting. Either way, it's actually quite disheartening to say the least

You don't get overlooked because of your skin colour. You're overlooked because of the way others look at your skin colour.

Some call this semantics. I call it shifting the responsibility where it belongs.

[l'Cie]

Love me some semantics in the morning =p

Awesome spin on how to look at it. I thank you