Living Apart, Together (LAT) A Support Thread

Glenn · 01-16-2016, 12:17 PM

Wow... sorry to hear about your lats difficulties and all that. But I do understand. I have the same problems with my ten cats about understanding lats. They are totally against it. I just can't seem to take that final step. I hope you have a lot of fun times, and things to do together, when you all Are finially together, though.

Gemme · 01-16-2016, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glenn

...*snip* I hope you have a lot of fun times, and things to do together, when you all Are finially together, though.

This defeats the purpose of a LAT. The destination is not to move in together. A LAT is an anti-cohabitation relationship. There is never a 'finally together' point. The partners live separately in their own spaces but they do love together. It's like dating forever, to put it very simply.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-17-2016, 04:13 AM

It's the non-domestic form of commitment. I would very happily get married and commit myself fully to one person for the rest of my life in the deepest of respect, love, loyalty and partnership. But I don't want to share my private me time with them. Everyone wants time to themselves. People who wants LATs just need more of it. More control over their home environment and personal space. I'm t doesn't mean they love anyone any less. We love just and deeply, intensely, and desire connection just as much. But we also desire our personal freedoms around our personal space and environment probably a bit more than most.
I literally get mentally ill if I don't have my freedoms and space. All of my colour goes. The world becomes a big box of grey crayons. If you can love a flower for growing on its own bush without needing it to be cut and put in a vase inside your house, where it will wither and die, then you are capable of understanding why some people need LATs.

Kätzchen · 04-09-2017, 11:01 AM

I definitely like having my own home, my own place. I don't ever foresee giving up my own residence. It's my quiet place where I can retreat from life and take care of me, in ways that add toward feeling good. Especially so, for me, because even though my children are young adults, I want to keep my family life separate from my romantic life. I just feel better when I've got my own place. I'm definitely the type of person who likes living alone, yet apart when dating or in an relationship (together) .

girl_dee · 08-16-2017, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

I definitely like having my own home, my own place. I don't ever foresee giving up my own residence. It's my quiet place where I can retreat from life and take care of me, in ways that add toward feeling good. Especially so, for me, because even though my children are young adults, I want to keep my family life separate from my romantic life. I just feel better when I've got my own place. I'm definitely the type of person who likes living alone, yet apart when dating or in an relationship (together) .

i totally relate and do this too! i LOVE my family but i don't want them in my personal relationships. And they can get their own friends!

Teddybear · 08-16-2017, 05:28 PM

In my last relationship we had talked about this and agreed that it could work for us. We laid the ground rules that we both AGREE upon.

It worked for awhile then of course life happened and things changed. I was willing to keep my end of the agreement however she was unable to handle the changes and I totally understand that.

When life throws us a curve sometimes it can be too overwhelming to ask someone to accept that the time you were giving them is now going to be limited. Not that it is what either of you want however you cant stop giving someone undivided attention. It isnt fair.

No matter how i feel about her she deserves more then i can give her now or in the near future. I pray that someone comes along and gives her everything she deserves and then some.

I think this will work best for me in the future if and when I am able to give any time to someone. First my circumstances must change

04-09-2017, 11:01 AM	#4
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a Brick House (Femme) Relationship Status: Busy (involved with a special someone here at home) Join Date: May 2010 Location: In a small community Posts: 16,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,370 Thanked 33,633 Times in 10,725 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	I definitely like having my own home, my own place. I don't ever foresee giving up my own residence. It's my quiet place where I can retreat from life and take care of me, in ways that add toward feeling good. Especially so, for me, because even though my children are young adults, I want to keep my family life separate from my romantic life. I just feel better when I've got my own place. I'm definitely the type of person who likes living alone, yet apart when dating or in an relationship (together) . __________________ “The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth: It’s a reflection of their emotional capacity,” — Jillian Turecki. ”Without justice, democracy dies,” — Jess Michaels (Epstein survivor). Please join the greater efforts of everyday American’s in boycotting billionaire business and news agencies until all contents of the Epstein Files are revealed and the entire collection of corrupt officials face justice for their Un-American acts endangering us and others globally.

08-16-2017, 05:28 PM	#6
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,233 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	In my last relationship we had talked about this and agreed that it could work for us. We laid the ground rules that we both AGREE upon. It worked for awhile then of course life happened and things changed. I was willing to keep my end of the agreement however she was unable to handle the changes and I totally understand that. When life throws us a curve sometimes it can be too overwhelming to ask someone to accept that the time you were giving them is now going to be limited. Not that it is what either of you want however you cant stop giving someone undivided attention. It isnt fair. No matter how i feel about her she deserves more then i can give her now or in the near future. I pray that someone comes along and gives her everything she deserves and then some. I think this will work best for me in the future if and when I am able to give any time to someone. First my circumstances must change __________________ I am ME take me as I am or leave me be..

01-16-2016, 12:17 PM	#1
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Wow... sorry to hear about your lats difficulties and all that. But I do understand. I have the same problems with my ten cats about understanding lats. They are totally against it. I just can't seem to take that final step. I hope you have a lot of fun times, and things to do together, when you all Are finially together, though.

01-17-2016, 04:13 AM	#3
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	It's the non-domestic form of commitment. I would very happily get married and commit myself fully to one person for the rest of my life in the deepest of respect, love, loyalty and partnership. But I don't want to share my private me time with them. Everyone wants time to themselves. People who wants LATs just need more of it. More control over their home environment and personal space. I'm t doesn't mean they love anyone any less. We love just and deeply, intensely, and desire connection just as much. But we also desire our personal freedoms around our personal space and environment probably a bit more than most. I literally get mentally ill if I don't have my freedoms and space. All of my colour goes. The world becomes a big box of grey crayons. If you can love a flower for growing on its own bush without needing it to be cut and put in a vase inside your house, where it will wither and die, then you are capable of understanding why some people need LATs.