What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 69

cinnamongrrl · 03-12-2016, 11:23 AM

I passed a plumbing truck while driving home and the name on it was T.P Howards....

I about guffawed at the irony....OK I did guffaw....

cinnamongrrl · 04-10-2016, 01:52 PM

Recounting my horrific earth fair happening to my daughter. I was able to laugh since she about died laughing herself...

Here's my story:

I'm very interested in beekeeping. I stopped at a bee booth and was talking to the vendor. I asked why the bees were. All packed in one spot. He explained that he had sugar water for them AND the queen was in a box in the hive but it was sealed by a candied wax.

I had seen on PBS recently about this and got very excited. I said, "ohhh yeah. She's in the box and they have to eat her out!" I was so super proud of my knowledge that I didn't even think about the wordage.

Where's. A big ol hole in the ground when you really need one?? At least my kid got a good laugh out of it..

PaPa · 04-10-2016, 01:56 PM

This was actually a couple of days ago but I thought it was funny.

I made homemade chili for lunch with cast iron skillet cornbread. I proudly set it on the table and got my elderly parents seated and my father asked what it was. I exclaimed, "Chili!" to which he then responded, "Where are the beans?". I looked in the pot and said, "Oh my God I forgot the beans!" He laughed and said, "Well as they used to say, 'you wouldn't know the beans if the bag was open'" LOL!!

cinnamongrrl · 04-10-2016, 03:02 PM

Don't feel bad. One year at thanksgiving dinner my mom forgot the stuffing...another year my cousin was playing with the lock on the stove and locked the biscuits in the oven. It wouldn't open til the oven cooled off and. By then the biscuits were plenty crispy lol

QUOTE=PaPa;1059479]This was actually a couple of days ago but I thought it was funny.

I made homemade chili for lunch with cast iron skillet cornbread. I proudly set it on the table and got my elderly parents seated and my father asked what it was. I exclaimed, "Chili!" to which he then responded, "Where are the beans?". I looked in the pot and said, "Oh my God I forgot the beans!" He laughed and said, "Well as they used to say, 'you wouldn't know the beans if the bag was open'" LOL!![/QUOTE]

Blade · 04-10-2016, 05:28 PM

Normally I strike out on the weekend days expecting fun excitement something new. Just different stuff....As a rule I'm driving home going well that was anticlimatic..lol

Today I ventured out expecting nothing. Go pick up a huge aquarium, off of Craigslist, for Speedy. WOW what a trip! I would call today climatic.

So that is what cracked me up...I expected nothing and ended up having a climatic day after all.

FireSignFemme · 04-18-2016, 10:41 PM

Reading the Accidents, Mishaps and Injuries During sex Thread. Too funny.

Kenna · 05-24-2016, 12:02 AM

My much loved Aunt's response to my 10am text question...
I tend to forget she lives in another time zone and that she's not a morning person, she worked night shift for 20 years.
When I asked if she was busy? She responded YES....then a few minutes later she sent "Give me a min. I'm still asleep." ....then sent "NO, I meant no I'm not busy. I'm never busy since I retired and my brain still only functions on night shift. I can only get one eye open, the other is still asleep. Best you call instead of text."

I love her to pieces, she always makes time for me...and she has always cracked me up even when I didn't feel like laughing.

Blade · 05-27-2016, 07:02 PM

Mom came by to visit me today.

When she got ready to leave, she jumped in the car turned the key and the car wouldn't crank. I walked out there and ask her if she had it in park, yes..do you have your foot on the break, yes...hmmm

I told her I'd move the steering wheel and for her to turn the key. Nothing no buzzing nothing.

I happened to glance at her hand on the key. I said Mom does your car key have a white tab on it?(knowing it didn't)..she said NO, and looked at the key and said, that's my dern house key no wonder it wouldn't crank.

I laughed all the way back to the house. She's had the same house key for 22 yrs and the same car key for 13 yrs. I don't know what she was thinking

bright_arrow · 05-28-2016, 12:52 PM

Watching GloZell videos on YouTube

Blade · 05-30-2016, 01:11 PM

Squirrel Porn! Never seen it before. Dang if she wasn't rough with him. He finally gave up lol. Poor little guy.

Bèsame* · 05-31-2016, 08:23 PM

Sonic commercials

Kenna · 06-05-2016, 10:25 PM

How funny my best friend is...They crack me up when I least expect it.

Blade · 06-15-2016, 08:15 AM

While skimming over facebook, I realized my Mom had posted some things on FB that were way out of character for her. Later while I was visiting her, I told her I was gonna take her FB priviledges away from her if she continued to post ugly stuff.

She said she hadn't posted anything ugly. I said Mom when you post a picture sometimes it will post everything on the page you lifted it from. So she says right sassy, well what did it say that was so ugly. I said, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, or WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN....not wtf really the words.

ROFL, her eyes got big and her mouth flew open and on facebook she went looking for her posts. Then of course she didn't know how to get them off, I deleted them for her.

After all the excitement she says I hope my cousin (minister) didn't see that he will be calling you to come check on me...Then she said well actually I hope nobody that knows me saw those posts. DUH...Mom have we ever met before?

Blade · 06-15-2016, 04:05 PM

Watching the news nust now cracked me up. During the night some thugs broke into a high end jewelry store in Charlotte. They busted the glass out of several cases. This is the same store that insulted my intelligence by offering me $500 for my Rolex. Here is the part that cracks me up...of all the things in a jewelry store to steal that are valuable, they stole Citizen watches and Fossil watches, not gold or gems or Rolex.

grenade · 06-15-2016, 06:02 PM

I got sick last night and my throat was on fire. Water didn't help. Found some lozenges and as long as I had one in my mouth I was ok. I texted in this morning and stayed in bed all day. About 3 pm I texted my daughter to come snuggle. We snuggled for a while and then I got up. As I passed the mirror I noticed something weird on my front shoulder/side chest area where my daughter layed her head. Upon further inspection it was a lozenge adhered to my dress. She wasn't as amused as I was.

Kenna · 06-18-2016, 08:30 PM

While the three of us were enjoying an awesome homecooked dinner of ham-n-green beans with baby potatoes and other fresh veggies, one of my free range pet chickens tried to let herself in the livingroom by climbing the screen door. It made everyone jump then laugh. Then Mawmaw blurted out "if she keeps that up, we'll just put her in a pot and have extra meat for dinner."

That poor chicken survived a Racoon attack when she was still a little thing, but she met her match in Mawmaw.

RockOn · 06-18-2016, 09:51 PM

This little carseat preschooler singing a Barry Manilow song. He is too adorable!

https://youtu.be/CnHa52lpSIk

cinnamongrrl · 06-19-2016, 05:10 AM

It's a delayed reaction since it was 4am when it happened...

I got up at that hour to go potty. I made a loud noise as I got my robe off its hook. When I got in the hall my girls are standing in the living room immediately to my right and Liz (the youngest) has a broomstick handle in her hands raised like a spear...

I asked her what the hell she was doing and she says "preparing!". Clarissa peeks around the corner and laughs. Apparently they thought I was someone breaking in lol

The way they leave doors unlocked, no one would ever have to break in through a window...

grenade · 06-20-2016, 05:38 PM

I moved a chair in my office and found a lifeless baby snake. I picked it up with a Kleenex and took it up front to scare people. There's always one or two in a group that freak out. I was successful and then some. Turns out the snake was playing dead. I released it in the field behind my work.

CherryWine · 06-21-2016, 04:42 PM

I get tongue-tied often and seem to excel at stumbling my way through voice messages.

Today I was leaving a voicemail message for someone when a colleague stepped into my office to ask something. As I was leaving the message, I stated that the "patient had presented with shortness of breasts." When I tried to correct myself and say breath, I said breasts again. My buddy started cracking up at me which got me tickled, and I managed to laugh my way through the rest of the message. Unfortunately it was not one where you could re-record your message!

When he returned my call, I apologized for the awkwardness, and we both got a good laugh out of it.

Apparently I have breasts on the brain today.

03-12-2016, 11:23 AM	#1361
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,232 Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I passed a plumbing truck while driving home and the name on it was T.P Howards.... I about guffawed at the irony....OK I did guffaw.... __________________

04-10-2016, 01:52 PM	#1362
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,232 Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Recounting my horrific earth fair happening to my daughter. I was able to laugh since she about died laughing herself... Here's my story: I'm very interested in beekeeping. I stopped at a bee booth and was talking to the vendor. I asked why the bees were. All packed in one spot. He explained that he had sugar water for them AND the queen was in a box in the hive but it was sealed by a candied wax. I had seen on PBS recently about this and got very excited. I said, "ohhh yeah. She's in the box and they have to eat her out!" I was so super proud of my knowledge that I didn't even think about the wordage. Where's. A big ol hole in the ground when you really need one?? At least my kid got a good laugh out of it.. __________________

04-10-2016, 03:02 PM	#1364
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,232 Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Don't feel bad. One year at thanksgiving dinner my mom forgot the stuffing...another year my cousin was playing with the lock on the stove and locked the biscuits in the oven. It wouldn't open til the oven cooled off and. By then the biscuits were plenty crispy lol QUOTE=PaPa;1059479]This was actually a couple of days ago but I thought it was funny. I made homemade chili for lunch with cast iron skillet cornbread. I proudly set it on the table and got my elderly parents seated and my father asked what it was. I exclaimed, "Chili!" to which he then responded, "Where are the beans?". I looked in the pot and said, "Oh my God I forgot the beans!" He laughed and said, "Well as they used to say, 'you wouldn't know the beans if the bag was open'" LOL!![/QUOTE] __________________

04-10-2016, 05:28 PM	#1365
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Normally I strike out on the weekend days expecting fun excitement something new. Just different stuff....As a rule I'm driving home going well that was anticlimatic..lol Today I ventured out expecting nothing. Go pick up a huge aquarium, off of Craigslist, for Speedy. WOW what a trip! I would call today climatic. So that is what cracked me up...I expected nothing and ended up having a climatic day after all. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

05-24-2016, 12:02 AM	#1367
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My much loved Aunt's response to my 10am text question... I tend to forget she lives in another time zone and that she's not a morning person, she worked night shift for 20 years. When I asked if she was busy? She responded YES....then a few minutes later she sent "Give me a min. I'm still asleep." ....then sent "NO, I meant no I'm not busy. I'm never busy since I retired and my brain still only functions on night shift. I can only get one eye open, the other is still asleep. Best you call instead of text." I love her to pieces, she always makes time for me...and she has always cracked me up even when I didn't feel like laughing. __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

04-10-2016, 01:56 PM	#1363
PaPa Senior Member How Do You Identify?: GQ Butch Daddy Relationship Status: A Very Protective BIG Daddy... Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 2,657 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,597 Thanked 5,871 Times in 1,530 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	This was actually a couple of days ago but I thought it was funny. I made homemade chili for lunch with cast iron skillet cornbread. I proudly set it on the table and got my elderly parents seated and my father asked what it was. I exclaimed, "Chili!" to which he then responded, "Where are the beans?". I looked in the pot and said, "Oh my God I forgot the beans!" He laughed and said, "Well as they used to say, 'you wouldn't know the beans if the bag was open'" LOL!!

04-18-2016, 10:41 PM	#1366
FireSignFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: N/A Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: WA Posts: 4,434 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37,962 Thanked 10,293 Times in 3,147 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Reading the Accidents, Mishaps and Injuries During sex Thread. Too funny.

05-27-2016, 07:02 PM	#1368
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Mom came by to visit me today. When she got ready to leave, she jumped in the car turned the key and the car wouldn't crank. I walked out there and ask her if she had it in park, yes..do you have your foot on the break, yes...hmmm I told her I'd move the steering wheel and for her to turn the key. Nothing no buzzing nothing. I happened to glance at her hand on the key. I said Mom does your car key have a white tab on it?(knowing it didn't)..she said NO, and looked at the key and said, that's my dern house key no wonder it wouldn't crank. I laughed all the way back to the house. She's had the same house key for 22 yrs and the same car key for 13 yrs. I don't know what she was thinking __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

05-28-2016, 12:52 PM	#1369
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Watching GloZell videos on YouTube

05-30-2016, 01:11 PM	#1370
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Squirrel Porn! Never seen it before. Dang if she wasn't rough with him. He finally gave up lol. Poor little guy. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

05-31-2016, 08:23 PM	#1371
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: loved by many Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 15,383 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,120 Thanked 40,947 Times in 10,734 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	Sonic commercials __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

06-05-2016, 10:25 PM	#1372
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	How funny my best friend is...They crack me up when I least expect it. __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

06-15-2016, 08:15 AM	#1373
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	While skimming over facebook, I realized my Mom had posted some things on FB that were way out of character for her. Later while I was visiting her, I told her I was gonna take her FB priviledges away from her if she continued to post ugly stuff. She said she hadn't posted anything ugly. I said Mom when you post a picture sometimes it will post everything on the page you lifted it from. So she says right sassy, well what did it say that was so ugly. I said, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, or WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN....not wtf really the words. ROFL, her eyes got big and her mouth flew open and on facebook she went looking for her posts. Then of course she didn't know how to get them off, I deleted them for her. After all the excitement she says I hope my cousin (minister) didn't see that he will be calling you to come check on me...Then she said well actually I hope nobody that knows me saw those posts. DUH...Mom have we ever met before? __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

06-15-2016, 04:05 PM	#1374
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Watching the news nust now cracked me up. During the night some thugs broke into a high end jewelry store in Charlotte. They busted the glass out of several cases. This is the same store that insulted my intelligence by offering me $500 for my Rolex. Here is the part that cracks me up...of all the things in a jewelry store to steal that are valuable, they stole Citizen watches and Fossil watches, not gold or gems or Rolex. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

06-15-2016, 06:02 PM	#1375
grenade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Full Flavor Femme Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,929 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,925 Thanked 8,058 Times in 2,121 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I got sick last night and my throat was on fire. Water didn't help. Found some lozenges and as long as I had one in my mouth I was ok. I texted in this morning and stayed in bed all day. About 3 pm I texted my daughter to come snuggle. We snuggled for a while and then I got up. As I passed the mirror I noticed something weird on my front shoulder/side chest area where my daughter layed her head. Upon further inspection it was a lozenge adhered to my dress. She wasn't as amused as I was.

06-18-2016, 08:30 PM	#1376
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	While the three of us were enjoying an awesome homecooked dinner of ham-n-green beans with baby potatoes and other fresh veggies, one of my free range pet chickens tried to let herself in the livingroom by climbing the screen door. It made everyone jump then laugh. Then Mawmaw blurted out "if she keeps that up, we'll just put her in a pot and have extra meat for dinner." That poor chicken survived a Racoon attack when she was still a little thing, but she met her match in Mawmaw. __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

06-18-2016, 09:51 PM	#1377
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Here is one thing that really cracked me up today .... This little carseat preschooler singing a Barry Manilow song. He is too adorable! https://youtu.be/CnHa52lpSIk

06-19-2016, 05:10 AM	#1378
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,232 Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	It's a delayed reaction since it was 4am when it happened... I got up at that hour to go potty. I made a loud noise as I got my robe off its hook. When I got in the hall my girls are standing in the living room immediately to my right and Liz (the youngest) has a broomstick handle in her hands raised like a spear... I asked her what the hell she was doing and she says "preparing!". Clarissa peeks around the corner and laughs. Apparently they thought I was someone breaking in lol The way they leave doors unlocked, no one would ever have to break in through a window... __________________

06-20-2016, 05:38 PM	#1379
grenade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Full Flavor Femme Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,929 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,925 Thanked 8,058 Times in 2,121 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I moved a chair in my office and found a lifeless baby snake. I picked it up with a Kleenex and took it up front to scare people. There's always one or two in a group that freak out. I was successful and then some. Turns out the snake was playing dead. I released it in the field behind my work.

06-21-2016, 04:42 PM	#1380
CherryWine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian femme Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The Deep South Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,060 Thanked 10,007 Times in 2,182 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	I get tongue-tied often and seem to excel at stumbling my way through voice messages. Today I was leaving a voicemail message for someone when a colleague stepped into my office to ask something. As I was leaving the message, I stated that the "patient had presented with shortness of breasts." When I tried to correct myself and say breath, I said breasts again. My buddy started cracking up at me which got me tickled, and I managed to laugh my way through the rest of the message. Unfortunately it was not one where you could re-record your message! When he returned my call, I apologized for the awkwardness, and we both got a good laugh out of it. Apparently I have breasts on the brain today.