Same Sex Marriage and Divorce

[JDeere]

I personally am 50 50 on the marriage deal, 50% says yes and 50% says no because I know what a divorce entails and I am not ready to deal with that.

It's bad enough when you break up but to have to mess with a judge,lawyers, etc just doesn't appeal to me in the least bit.

[TL1]

I am for it under the right circumstances. there are "if's and but's" however but it comes down to yes for me. Not something I sit around craving but with the right person I might.
Not a decision to be taken lightly by any means. I see too many people making this decision on a whim. Trying to keep someone and not using their brains. I think taking the time and really looking at things and really knowing someone..being sure this is someone you are willing to work with and fight for and it can work.
Also I think most marriages don't work... so that's why the seriousness of the situation needs to be in place by both people.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by JDeere

I personally am 50 50 on the marriage deal, 50% says yes and 50% says no because I know what a divorce entails and I am not ready to deal with that.

It's bad enough when you break up but to have to mess with a judge,lawyers, etc just doesn't appeal to me in the least bit.

I was in a relationship where it took me three years to fully understand that the other person was completely delusional, so I would say not to get married until after 3 years

In a LDR/relocation situation I wouldn't even start that clock until a year after the move.

I'm all for long engagements, though. A significant rock can go a long way towards incentivizing patience in situations where one partner may feel more ready than the other-- it worked on me for 2.5 years, and it wouldn't have taken a lawyer to undo if things had gone south

[weatherboi]

She still hasn't put a ring on it. Not sure what is holding her back.

[*Anya*]

For the longest time, I wanted to get married again. When I thought about it, it was more of the fantasy of my GF asking me to marry her (probably not on bended knee-it would be hard to get up after knee surgery), being given the engagement ring and having the wedding with a white dress and a veil, with friends and family all around.

When I was a kid, my friends and I would practice "Wedding" all the time, even if the veil was a towel.

Then I got older and got married at 18, basically to escape my parents. Marriage to him was not as fun as how I imagined it as a child.

Though he left two kids later, he refused to pay for the divorce.

California has had no-fault divorce since around 1970. I just wanted child support (which he only paid for a year- $200 per month) so eventually, I found a lawyer that would file the papers for a really low fee and we divorced.

My ideal of a fantasy wedding has faded over time. My love for her has not faded but it scares me to think of really doing it. I don't know why but I know that having any fear, irrational or not, is a red flag for marrying.

I think I will keep it as it is.

I do want to say that I was as happy as I ever have been the day the Supreme Court stated that the Constitution guaranteed the right to equal marriage.

I also still love to go to weddings.

[~ocean]

I have been married since 1992 ~ we exchanged our vows in Provincetown, Ma. and we are legally registered there ~ then we got legally married in 2004 ~ we do not live together but we are still married and very close ~ I believe in marriage with my whole heart ~ love prevails when it is true love ~ as far as divorce goes ~ well lets just say my wife sings this song lol

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

I have been married since 1992 ~ we exchanged our vows in Provincetown, Ma. and we are legally registered there ~ then we got legally married in 2004 ~ we do not live together but we are still married and very close ~ I believe in marriage with my whole heart ~ love prevails when it is true love ~ as far as divorce goes ~ well lets just say my wife sings this song lol

i have often said my ideal marriage is one where I have my own place. I don't think I am easy to live with. I like my own space a little too much I guess.

[storyspinner70]

I've been married in the past. Once to a complete and total asshole and once to a good guy with a lot of issues. A LOT. Bless his heart, he is 44 and has had a lot of physical and mental illnesses we found in his late 20s/30s. We're still married and he lives with me, mostly because his only family is a sister that's more mentally ill than he is. For all intents and purposes, he is my adopted brother now. He has a girlfriend and so do I.

My butch and I are long distance. When that changes, and should she ever want to get married (or, for that matter, if he wanted to marry his gf and I felt she could really take care of him), obviously I'd divorce him, though the logistics of taking care of him would be a bit tricky if I moved. I have no children so that does make it easier.

So, I have been married for a long time, but it hasn't been a marriage in a long long time, if that makes sense. lol I like marriage. I'd marry my butch in a heartbeat, but I'm not sure she's into marriage at this point in her life. She's settled into her "old dykedom". lol...She's had a committment ceremony before, so it's not that she's never liked it, and we will definitely live together when it all works out, just not sure if it'll be as wife and wife.

As for divorce, if it's not working (barring abuse, cheating, etc. whatever your limits are) and you really try to make it work (actually, really try), then there's a certain point you just call it. You say, "I love you. I'll always love you. But this isn't working. Keep in touch and let me know how it's going." lol

[Greyson]

Before legal same sex marriage became a reality I like many had various live in, long term partners. Yes the break ups were at times emotionally and psychologically painful but we could go our separate ways without having to go through the legal fight.

For me all of that changed when I bought a home with a partner. We saved money together and put in equal amounts and after moving to the SF Bay Area from my hometown of Los Angeles, I was a home owner for the first time in my life.

When it came time for the inevitable break up, it was nasty. Owning property with someone puts a whole new spin on things. We were not legally married but we did have a home and a small investment together. After that, I would never buy a big ticket item again with a "partner" unless we were legally married.

The irony of it all is now I am married and as a Grad student I cannot afford to buy a home or make long term financial investments. I admit it left me jaded a bit. I have to remember marriage for me, is not about a financial strategy of some sort.

[introverted1]

I am now one full year (+) out of my divorce.

I honestly don't know how people move on to eventually marry again. The legal disentangling from a woman I adored, after sixteen plus years of togetherness was hands down the most soul killing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

I truly can't imagine taking that leap of faith on another, ever again.

The lawyers, judges, harsh words and cruelty were way too much for me to ever think about doing that again.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by introverted1

I am now one full year (+) out of my divorce.

I honestly don't know how people move on to eventually marry again. The legal disentangling from a woman I adored, after sixteen plus years of togetherness was hands down the most soul killing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

I truly can't imagine taking that leap of faith on another, ever again.

The lawyers, judges, harsh words and cruelty were way too much for me to ever think about doing that again.

i could have written this. Big hugs..

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I was in a relationship where it took me three years to fully understand that the other person was completely delusional, so I would say not to get married until after 3 years

In a LDR/relocation situation I wouldn't even start that clock until a year after the move.

I'm all for long engagements, though. A significant rock can go a long way towards incentivizing patience in situations where one partner may feel more ready than the other-- it worked on me for 2.5 years, and it wouldn't have taken a lawyer to undo if things had gone south

We are only on our one year right now, I just take it day to day but somethings need to change on her end before I even think about getting married to her. My relationships don't last very long anyways so this too may pass.

[JDeere]

BUMP BUMP BUMPITY BUMP!