The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[The_Lady_Snow]

I love to participate in cunnulingus, I do, I have heard from my peers this makes me not so femme..

I say the hell with that..

oh and yes I said cunnulingus and no I have no gender preference when it comes down to it..

<cleaning gear on in case

[Apocalipstic]

When I think of High Femme, it involves Mary Jane and Cookies.

I don't even know ANY women who wear nylons and pencil skirts 24/7. Zero.
It cracks me up when someone says they are looking for a Femme like that, cause that search is going to lead to dissapointing results!

[ravfem]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

When I think of High Femme, it involves Mary Jane and Cookies.

I don't even know ANY women who wear nylons and pencil skirts 24/7. Zero.
It cracks me up when someone says they are looking for a Femme like that, cause that search is going to lead to dissapointing results!

Wait...i wear mary janes and like cookies....omg, i'm a high femme?! Who knew??

[Martina]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I love to participate in cunnulingus, I do, I have heard from my peers this makes me not so femme..

I say the hell with that..

oh and yes I said cunnulingus and no I have no gender preference when it comes down to it..

<cleaning gear on in case

Thinking of those femmes missing out. Unless this is a true sexual boundary (one just can't imagine doing it), it's amazing to me that anyone would give up all this good stuff up for no better reason than it's not femme????

How sadly self-punishing of someone not to try out something to see if they really like it, but to obey some internalized sexist rule. Boy, that's a case where our gender categories sure aren't liberating. What's next, femme purdah?

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I love to participate in cunnulingus, I do, I have heard from my peers this makes me not so femme..

I say the hell with that..

oh and yes I said cunnulingus and no I have no gender preference when it comes down to it..

<cleaning gear on in case

Me too!

I think it hurts me the most when the shock & awe comes from other Femmes. I tend to keep quiet during gatherings when the convo turns to sexual stuff. Which is kind of sad.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Me too!

I think it hurts me the most when the shock & awe comes from other Femmes. I tend to keep quiet during gatherings when the convo turns to sexual stuff. Which is kind of sad.

Me too and Mee too.

Exept sometimes I just like to spurt out exactly what all I like to do in bed and watch the green foam ooze from their ears.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Me too and Mee too.

Exept sometimes I just like to spurt out exactly what all I like to do in bed and watch the green foam ooze from their ears.

This made me crack up. Green foam even. teehee

[Nat]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Me too and Mee too.

Exept sometimes I just like to spurt out exactly what all I like to do in bed and watch the green foam ooze from their ears.

I don't know anyone in person who has the green foam reaction

I do remember my talking to a close straight woman friend about my first experience strapping.

I was like, "OMG I cannot believe I didn't do that sooner, and I was so stressed about it, and then it was so natural and I had access to this part of myself I never knew existed and to a part of her that was so unbelievable and I just felt so *given to* in that moment."

My friend just said she never imagined that the f*cker would feel *given to* and that surprised her. She said as a f*ckee-only, she feels like she's stealing all the energy.

I don't really hang out with prudes though - maybe green foam is a biproduct of prudery? I talked to a femme friend just the other day about it, and even though her preferences don't run the same gamut mine do, she was charming and funny and insightful and fully accepting when the conversation turned for a few moments to sex.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Martina I want to address what you said I just need time to chew on it for a bit.. The reason being is there are folks out there who do not participate in this particular sexual activity due to boundaries their partners have set and such.



On another note..

Being a femme who enjoys having her cock sucked, has brought the *value* of my femme into questions by both gender spectrums....

[Emmy]

This is a great discussion. I'm relatively newly out- about 3 years- so perhaps my perspective just stems from inexperience. I can honestly say, though, that I've never personally been made to feel inferior, or "not femme enough" by another femme, not once. The femmes I've met have been unfailingly gracious, welcoming me to the club

Online, I suppose I have seen a fair amount 'ewwww'-ing going on about any sort of sexual interest, on the part of either butches or femmes, that doesn't quite adhere to gender stereotypes. Perhaps, though, this is improving over time? I'm not certain of it, but I get the sense that maybe this was a bit more common a few years ago than it is today, thank goodness- probably thanks to folks' speaking up about it in threads like this.

[Beau]

I'm here to show support for all femmes of all flavors.

Yeah, cunnilingus got my attention.

But then, so does cock sucking.

Equal opportunity orgasms for all are wonderful. Stating that any sexual act is the province of gender is just "fucking" ridiculous.

[TenderKnight]

Hello!

Great thread (and yes, I actually did thread stalk someone here.. and found myself actually LEARNING something!). I just want to put in my experience, not as a femme, but as a transguy who knows and has loved many femmes, both as friends and as lovers..

I will admit that I still have a pretty binary brain when it comes to femmes and butches.. And I am going to use the term "butches" here, just because I don't want to have to type: butches/Stones/TG identified/transgender/transsexual people every other line.. That being said

When I first learned the term "butch" and "femme", I was 18 and I was in a chat room.. There were stereotypes all around and I was learned by other butches on how to treat a femme.. I was shown how a femme *should* behave and act and dress.. I ate it up and ran with it.. 14 years later, I am unlearning a good bit.. lol Not all of it, for sure, I mean, your partner should be shown respect, always.. But do I have to open the door everytime? No, not if it means it turns into a lil awkward moment when both of you are reaching for the door like it's a race.. lol This has happened..

I can't relate to femme invisablity, but I can relate to being a transguy and feeling like I am not accepted in the queer realm.. I actually have to out myself at times, which is interesting, to say the least.. I can also relate to being one of those butches that assumed that certain things are true about a woman because she is femme.. Guilty.

I was in a situation not too long ago where a femme mentioned using a strap on.. Not on me, per se, but just in general, and allll kinds of crap came up for me. Since that time, I have had a lot of time to think about this reaction.. Would it be diffrent if it were just a one night hook-up? Would it change if I were in a relationship with this woman? Why?

I don't have the answers for that, but I am going to try in the future to keep that experience and some of the things said in this thread in mind.. Thank you to those that have posted, I have enjoyed reading and will continue to quietly stalk this thread.. Thank you

-Tony

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Beau

I'm here to show support for all femmes of all flavors.

Yeah, cunnilingus got my attention.

But then, so does cock sucking.

Equal opportunity orgasms for all are wonderful. Stating that any sexual act is the province of gender is just "fucking" ridiculous.

Count me in on that support! How the hell did stuff like any sexual act is the province of gender get started, anyway!!! FeFruckSake... pun, intended!

OK, I'll shut-up and listen!

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Emmy

This is a great discussion. I'm relatively newly out- about 3 years- so perhaps my perspective just stems from inexperience. I can honestly say, though, that I've never personally been made to feel inferior, or "not femme enough" by another femme, not once. The femmes I've met have been unfailingly gracious, welcoming me to the club

Online, I suppose I have seen a fair amount 'ewwww'-ing going on about any sort of sexual interest, on the part of either butches or femmes, that doesn't quite adhere to gender stereotypes. Perhaps, though, this is improving over time? I'm not certain of it, but I get the sense that maybe this was a bit more common a few years ago than it is today, thank goodness- probably thanks to folks' speaking up about it in threads like this.

Interestingly enough, I have had little, if any, feedback from femmes that I am not "femme enough" or made to feel inferior in terms of my IDing as Femme...but I also appear very feminine and I have heard from friends who are not as femme appearing that they have had some crappy experiences.

I have felt competition from other femmes, in terms of attention from butches...and we all know how small the community is...I've seen some serious cat fights. Luckily I avoid that crap as much as possible.

I'd like to think I have really good boundaries and I try not to let the "femme enough" crap affect me, even if from afar.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

Interestingly enough, I have had little, if any, feedback from femmes that I am not "femme enough" or made to feel inferior in terms of my IDing as Femme...but I also appear very feminine and I have heard from friends who are not as femme appearing that they have had some crappy experiences.

I have felt competition from other femmes, in terms of attention from butches...and we all know how small the community is...I've seen some serious cat fights. Luckily I avoid that crap as much as possible.

I'd like to think I have really good boundaries and I try not to let the "femme enough" crap affect me, even if from afar.

If I may ask, do you think that the association of "femme" is done purely based on looks, very similar to butches based on how "macho" they are?



Side comment: Maybe the idea that one shouldn't be judging a book by its cover has been pretty much tossed out by the community in a general sense?

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Linus

If I may ask, do you think that the association of "femme" is done purely based on looks, very similar to butches based on how "macho" they are?



Side comment: Maybe the idea that one shouldn't be judging a book by its cover has been pretty much tossed out by the community in a general sense?

Yes, absolutely. I know a few femmes who are not as "feminine" as I am or others, as in the stereotypical make-up, heels, dresses, etc. So, they have heard the "not femme enough" many times.

And yes. Femme is a personal ID. Every Femme has their own personal definition. It sucks that we as a community label each other based in appearances. Considering we face so much of it in the world, you'd think we'd learn from that

[ravfem]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I love to participate in cunnulingus, I do, I have heard from my peers this makes me not so femme..

I say the hell with that..

oh and yes I said cunnulingus and no I have no gender preference when it comes down to it..

<cleaning gear on in case

i have to admit i buy into some "femme roles" as well as some "butch roles",
but oral sex has never been one of them! i mean, hello!!

What's gender/personal identity got to do with enjoying any form of sex?

i will admit that i personally have little experience with cunnulingus, mainly because the majority of my partners have been stone. But....i'm um....beginning to expand my horizons with Daddy, and omg the thought just sends me!! and i cannot believe i am admitting this for the world to see! i'm a prude, really.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Nat

I don't know anyone in person who has the green foam reaction

I do remember my talking to a close straight woman friend about my first experience strapping.

I was like, "OMG I cannot believe I didn't do that sooner, and I was so stressed about it, and then it was so natural and I had access to this part of myself I never knew existed and to a part of her that was so unbelievable and I just felt so *given to* in that moment."

My friend just said she never imagined that the f*cker would feel *given to* and that surprised her. She said as a f*ckee-only, she feels like she's stealing all the energy.

I don't really hang out with prudes though - maybe green foam is a biproduct of prudery? I talked to a femme friend just the other day about it, and even though her preferences don't run the same gamut mine do, she was charming and funny and insightful and fully accepting when the conversation turned for a few moments to sex.

For the record, I usually don't choose to hang out with prudes either, but when forced to...why not shock them?

None of my staright friends are prudes just people we sometimes meeet in the Queer community. And the people to whom I was refering would not see themselves as prudes, just very set in their gender stereotype ideas.

I feel somehow it is my duty to bust up some Femme stereotypes.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

For the record, I usually don't choose to hang out with prudes either, but when forced to...why not shock them?

None of my staright friends are prudes just people we sometimes meeet in the Queer community. And the people to whom I was refering would not see themselves as prudes, just very set in their gender stereotype ideas.

I feel somehow it is my duty to bust up some Femme stereotypes.

you do an excellent job of representing.

I realized I have rather prudish feelings when I encounter Christian fundamentalism. I had a lady tell me the other day that she feels sorry for anybody who doesn't believe in Jesus because god is going to torture us for 7 years before we burn in hell. And then last night in class some guy told me he was going to pray for me because I am not a Christian and I just got up and moved. So I guess I'm easily shocked in that way and kind of a prude in a way.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Nat

you do an excellent job of representing.

I realized I have rather prudish feelings when I encounter Christian fundamentalism. I had a lady tell me the other day that she feels sorry for anybody who doesn't believe in Jesus because god is going to torture us for 7 years before we burn in hell. And then last night in class some guy told me he was going to pray for me because I am not a Christian and I just got up and moved. So I guess I'm kindof a prude in a way.

Ummm, I don't think you are a prude, I think they are crazy. and, if we are dead and don't have a body how are we going to feel the torture and flames?

ehhhhhh.

Another thread?