Femme Invisibility?

[YBFemme]

Be yourself. Butch women will know. Trust me. And those who do not, meh.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by YBFemme

Be yourself. Butch women will know. Trust me. And those who do not, meh.

Very good advice.

[Gemme]

That personally hasn't been experience.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Gemme

That personally hasn't been experience.

Mine either.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by YBFemme

Be yourself. Butch women will know. Trust me. And those who do not, meh.

I apologize beforehand if butches aren't allowed to post in the femme zone, but I take umbrage at the "And those who do not, meh"!

There have been a few times I did not know, and I would hate to think someone would blow me off or deem me unworthy simply based on that.

[akiza]

it can be frustrating i don't know if it's because i give a cold exterior or i'm too much weird/analytical or straight i swear boys can tell stupid things when they're interessed it's 'cause of one of them i've been nice and haven't insulted him maybe a little that i met my first soft butch and her sister who want to have a go with me but they have a bond and i'm afraid to cause problems why encounter always come with hetero guys! breves i'd try some clothes once i travel in the capital maybe it'll work

[Slow breath]

A year ago, an 11 year relationship I was in abruptly ended. I was devastated, and one of the first things I did was cut my waist length hair off. I felt like I had removed my femme veil. I have not changed my personal style, but having an asymmetrical feminine haircut made me more visible than I've ever been.

So it has made me wonder, how much of our identity as femme is in our hair style?

I, like many, always passed as a heterosexual female. My new hair, not so much. I get the nods, the strangers chatting me up at public events, etc. that did NOT happen before, unless the look/glance/energies collided. My single self is enjoying the attention. But has made me very reflective on just how invisible I was as a femme with long hair.

As I am currently dating, I also wonder, and often ask my butch dates, their opinion on hair. Lol. Seems as though it's a non issue, because femme is femme, or so I am told, but I still currently feel as though my hair was a huge part of my identity.

Still loving my shorter hairstyle, btw.

[Wiccanfemme]

This is something that I constantly struggle with. I feel as though if I don't have rainbow jewelry clearly visible or a pride shirt on that everyone just assumes that I am straight. I hate hearing the dismissive oh she just hasn't found the right guy yet. I think I am very obvious when there is a butch around. That energy draws me like a magnet, I can't seem to drag my eyes away and any friends that I happen to be with instantly see my attraction. I think I must turn all shades of red and get so flustered. I don't know if the butches really see me though. Sometimes I worry that my look lingering a little too long might be taken the wrong way and they might feel like I'm judging them or looking at them in disapproval even though that is definitely not the case. I think that I stood out more when my hair was shorter and a violet red color, it was a feminine hairstyle but much shorter than it is now. I think it made me look a little more punkish instead of girl next door with my longer dark hair now. Sometimes I'm at a loss and wish I could just go up and tap the butch on the shoulder and say hello do you see me? I think you're hot! Lol. So not appropriate but what's a girl to do?

[gotoseagrl]

I have sort of the opposite reaction. When I see one, especially when I can somehow sense they might be trans, I turn red hot too, but I avoid all eye contact as much as possible. There was one who was cashier the other day and I couldn't really raise my head to eye level, and I felt bad about after I left, which was of course quickly cause apparently I don't know to act right lol. So this either makes it even more obvious or makes me appear to be offensive or just nuts. If they only knew, which hopefully they don't, in the moment.

Originally Posted by Wiccanfemme

This is something that I constantly struggle with. I feel as though if I don't have rainbow jewelry clearly visible or a pride shirt on that everyone just assumes that I am straight. I hate hearing the dismissive oh she just hasn't found the right guy yet. I think I am very obvious when there is a butch around. That energy draws me like a magnet, I can't seem to drag my eyes away and any friends that I happen to be with instantly see my attraction. I think I must turn all shades of red and get so flustered. I don't know if the butches really see me though.

[gotoseagrl]

I've had shorter hair before, but nothing above the shoulders much. I was, as I am now, very girlie, so it didn't make me feel or present as any less femme. But now my hair is longer than it's ever been and while I keep thinking of cutting it again, I can't seem to let it go. It annoys me sometimes, but for some reason I like it too. I think it does make me feel even more feminine, if that's possible. Maybe the mermaid in me.

Originally Posted by Slow breath

A year ago, an 11 year relationship I was in abruptly ended. I was devastated, and one of the first things I did was cut my waist length hair off. I felt like I had removed my femme veil. I have not changed my personal style, but having an asymmetrical feminine haircut made me more visible than I've ever been.

So it has made me wonder, how much of our identity as femme is in our hair style?

I, like many, always passed as a heterosexual female. My new hair, not so much. I get the nods, the strangers chatting me up at public events, etc. that did NOT happen before, unless the look/glance/energies collided. My single self is enjoying the attention. But has made me very reflective on just how invisible I was as a femme with long hair.

As I am currently dating, I also wonder, and often ask my butch dates, their opinion on hair. Lol. Seems as though it's a non issue, because femme is femme, or so I am told, but I still currently feel as though my hair was a huge part of my identity.

Still loving my shorter hairstyle, btw.

[*Anya*]

Hair.

I have pretty much always had long hair.

When I was a little girl, my mom would set my hair in strips of rags so I would have long, Shirley Temple ringlets.

One time, in the late 90's, I wanted to try short hair for the first time in my life. I went to Vidal Sassoon. It was a terrific haircut and I got a lot of compliments.

It did not help me in the femme visibility department. I did not get any butch or femme head nods as though I was suddenly recognizable. (The only thing that has ever made a difference in terms of recognition, has been when I have been out and about with a butch girlfriend).

I did not like my short hair. I felt like a boy. I really felt different. I did not feel like me when I looked in the mirror.

I grew it out and never have had really short hair since. Not the kind of hair where my ears showed or my neck would show (different than if I put it in a bun or in a ponytail).

It's not that I think femmes need long hair, I do not. Femmes are Femmes no matter our length of hair.

This particular femme feels "normal" and it feels right for me to have long hair.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Slow breath

A year ago, an 11 year relationship I was in abruptly ended. I was devastated, and one of the first things I did was cut my waist length hair off. I felt like I had removed my femme veil. I have not changed my personal style, but having an asymmetrical feminine haircut made me more visible than I've ever been.

So it has made me wonder, how much of our identity as femme is in our hair style?

I, like many, always passed as a heterosexual female. My new hair, not so much. I get the nods, the strangers chatting me up at public events, etc. that did NOT happen before, unless the look/glance/energies collided. My single self is enjoying the attention. But has made me very reflective on just how invisible I was as a femme with long hair.

As I am currently dating, I also wonder, and often ask my butch dates, their opinion on hair. Lol. Seems as though it's a non issue, because femme is femme, or so I am told, but I still currently feel as though my hair was a huge part of my identity.

Still loving my shorter hairstyle, btw.

Is it the chicken or the egg?

Did your confidence come from your hair cut or did your hair cut come from the confidence in being free and desire to try new things?

I would love to rock a pixie cut but I do not have the shape of face that can pull it off. I'm with Anya in the longer hair club, but mostly because it's how I hide my face when I feel the need. And I like the whispery brush of it against my bare lower back.

Shorter hair would cut down on my salon bills, though. Massively.

[dark_crystal]

I was thinking about this yesterday.

I never was comfortable with "the closet" and have always disclosed my ID to virtually everyone, even in the late 80s and early 90s

And my straight family and friends would be like "god it's nobody's business why do you keep putting it out there people don't care about your sex life"

But the fact is this is only true for butches. When you're a femme, esp a 20-something blonde with DDs, every man is interested in your sex life, and being coy about it is no safer than being open.

And i could never stand being closeted around my female peers either, at work or school, because a lot of times people would start bonding with you and start saying how nice it would be to go shopping or whatever and i always needed to make them aware of my status before we became friends.

Because what if we did go shopping and do lunch and mani pedis or whatever and you didn't find out until months later and then felt betrayed and/or denounced me to everyone we knew?

So there were people who felt i was "hung up" or "in your face" about my sexuality because i talked about and none of their other gay friends did that.

Yes but all of your other gay friends are either androgynous females or effeminate boys, they don't HAVE to talk about it.

And if you are an attractive femme who has been open about her orientation at work and then you find yourself sexually harrassed? Two different managers told me i brought it on myself by letting these men find out i was gay

It sounds so easy to straight people-- just don't say anything. Like work at a place for years and years and just avoid giving direct answers to any relationship questions and don't participate in conversations about relationships. How hard could that be?

[Femmewench]

[QUOTE=Slow breath;1145828]...one of the first things I did was cut my waist length hair off. I felt like I had removed my femme veil. I have not changed my personal style, but having an asymmetrical feminine haircut made me more visible than I've ever been.

So it has made me wonder, how much of our identity as femme is in our hair style?

...But has made me very reflective on just how invisible I was as a femme with long hair.
_________________________________________________

My hair has been short since I had it cut from waist length to pixie length in my early twenties. About 8 years ago I asked my hair dresser why my previously straight-as-straw hair had developed a wave. She asked me if I'd had chemo. No. She then told me I was going into menopause. She was right.

The gift of menopause is wavy hair which only becomes apparent once it's shoulder length. Since I'm in love with the wave, I'm growing it out for the first time in a long time just for me. I'm rediscovering the sensuous feel of my hair brushing against my back and shoulders. Long hair or short, I'm femme. Longer just ups the power in femme for me; that was a pleasant surprise.