How about butch and butch?

[JDeere]

Chat has me thinking about this again!

So I am bumping the thread, lets talk!

[ClintB]

I've been attracted to butches as well as femmes and in two LTRs with other butches

I think it totally can work IF both are comfortable with themselves. Unfortunately, in the last there seemed to be a discomfort in not having someone to "validate" their butchness. I was definitely the softer of the two of us, and I came to see they were ashamed of me. Hid me from friends and family, yelled at and punished me if I knew or did anything better than them in the "masculine" spectrum. Desired a certain bedroom dynamic that they then felt guilty for because it wasn't consistent with how they thought they should be.

I learned to hide. I would rejoice for time at home alone- I like to refurbish old hand tools and would throw a big old party for myself when they left.... then rush to hid everything in the back of the shed when they returned.

We always wanted to be able to enjoying the interests we shared.... hunting, fishing, driving off-road, camping...but the sense of competition killed it all.


Guess what I'm saying, is I get the attraction, but I know there can be some complicated dynamic. Put two healthy and secure butches together... oh the fun that be had lol

[JDeere]

I still stand by my original statement, I may have to go back and re read it. I am attracted to whoever I am attracted to, femme,butch,mtf, ftm. I refuse to discriminate but to each their own on things.

[ClintB]

Yikes, there is a lot of mud slinging going on here.

Look, a good portion of the human population are shitbags. Femme shitbags, butch shitbags, trans shitbags, cis shits bags, straight shitbags.... and it isn't your fault I feel you run into one. It IS your fault is your start generalizing from the few bad ones to the whole group.

And if it's happening consistently... I really question whose fault it is. If you don't want to be a doormat, DONT BE A DOORMAT. No, I'm serious, it actually is that simple. Plus I hate to say it, but a lot of people get off on being the victim. They seek out a certain position in life just to complain about it.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by ClintB

Yikes, there is a lot of mud slinging going on here.

Look, a good portion of the human population are shitbags. Femme shitbags, butch shitbags, trans shitbags, cis shits bags, straight shitbags.... and it isn't your fault I feel you run into one. It IS your fault is your start generalizing from the few bad ones to the whole group.

And if it's happening consistently... I really question whose fault it is. If you don't want to be a doormat, DONT BE A DOORMAT. No, I'm serious, it actually is that simple. Plus I hate to say it, but a lot of people get off on being the victim. They seek out a certain position in life just to complain about it.

No mud slinging at all, just opinions lol

I see the doormat, victim all the time from folks.

[Kätzchen]

Years ago, while I was earning my Bachelor's of Science degrees, I became good friends with a butch lesbian, who had just moved to Ashland from Las Vegas, where she spent many years as a sex worker. We're still very close friends to this day. We sometimes attended the same core classes, and we gravitated toward being study partners because in lots of our classes, She and I were known to take on really hard dialogues in group discussions, bantering back and forth, etc.

Anyhow, She eventually found herself in a relationship with another butch lesbian, and they were so incredibly right for each other. Cutest couple anyone ever did see.

Her partner died a couple years ago (though), but we still keep in touch. And I am glad for that because She was my best butch friend, ever. Anyhooo, all this to say that it shouldn't matter who a person is in an relationship with or how either individual identifies.

What matters, I think, especially in my best butch friends' case, was that both of them enjoyed each other immensely and it didn't matter to either one of them that they sort of shared an similar identity in being Butch. And any of us who knew each other were happy for them because it's kind of uncommonly rare when you find yourself well suited with the person you fall in love with and in an committed relationship with each other.

I thought they were absolutely adorable....and I counted myself very lucky to have been an chosen close friend.

[ClintB]

I've been in both dynamics. I used to think I preferred butches only... it took a while for femmes to turn my head. Usually, I am the "softer" of the two. I think other butches are amazing and unique. If they weren't butch they were usually gender queer. I think I was really attracted to the queer aesthetic.

Femmes... it's so strange because I'm not really one who is that attracted to conventional beauty. So while I do see their attractiveness it doesn't really impact me the same. But recently I've gone crazy for them, and I'll tell you why. They really are like goddesses... damn if it isn't hot to watch them crush the world beneath their feet. The bitchier the better (using that in the best sense possible)... I love seeing a strong woman own some ignorant asshole. Their presence and strength is inspiring. I feel like I relax for once, because they got this shit.

But they make me hella nervous. Another butch I can just be frank. I'm all shy and twitchy around femmes