Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

RockOn · 04-07-2017, 08:20 PM

I do not have any relationship fears. The reason is because I intend to stay single the rest of my life. I am not missing out on a thing. Seriously!

It may sound like a cop out to some ... maybe it is, I do not know. I do know I gave the issue considerable thought before I reached this iron-clad decision.

What a freedom!

JDeere · 04-07-2017, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockOn

I do not have any relationship fears. The reason is because I intend to stay single the rest of my life. I am not missing out on a thing. Seriously!

What do you think you are not missing out on? I am curious to know.

Soft*Silver · 04-07-2017, 09:39 PM

wow, this is a good topic!I too have (r) PTSD....

my fears..

being left because I am frail. I have had a couple serious accidents, and some health problems that have stolen my physical strength. But I only want to be loved for who I am, and am not. This is my reality.

sharing finances. I wont ever do that again.

Infidelity is a former fear. It doesnt worry me any longer. I use to be possessive but I have since come to a conclusion that going beyond your relationship, if consensual, is not a deal breaker. My husband and I are in an open relationship. And if we ever find a third, we are open to that as well. I no longer need sole rights to my person.

not being put first..letting another have a space that should be mine. I had a HORRIBLE experience with this and its probably the single most traumatic relationship issue I ever encountered. It will never happen to me again. Since then, I have asserted myself and made sure I was the chosen one, and if I wasnt, I moved on immediately.

I think my fears were all addressed and resolved in this current relationship between me and my husband. I honestly didnt think I would ever get into another relationship. My track record wasnt very good and I was a wreck, physically and emotionally, when I met my husband. We started out as friends and he became my physical caretaker after my first surgery. He refused to let me stay by myself and slept on the couch while I healed. Not for long...his kindness, and compassion, his ability to love and soothe me, manifested such a love within me. Time and a good person, heals all wounds, and fears...

cathexis · 04-08-2017, 01:09 AM

Seems like I'm in the same boat at several others here.

Have big time fear of abandonment issues. Sometimes my Partner must take

measures to quell lashing out and panic. Thankfully, She has a strong Alpha

personality.

AmazonDC · 04-08-2017, 03:30 AM

Hearing her but not being enough to calm the storm left from time..

*Anya* · 04-08-2017, 09:17 AM

I keep thinking about what I would really like to put in an online profile.

You know, the truly real one but it would be negative because it would have all the things that I sm still angry about with my recent (gosh, now 6-months) ex.

This you will never see in any profile in the universe but here. Of course, I probably share too much but my ex would never in a million years look for or find this site, so really: no worries there. She sticks to her financial matters, FB and emails.

You may say say to yourself: gee, I did not realize that Anya was an angry person.

Since I dealt with my now ex for almost 4 years and since every day I read about another Trump atrocity, yes, I have felt pretty pissed off lately.

Scars? Yep.

Here goes, the (too) honest dating profile, not well-written, not in any particular order so I would never in a million years post it:

I am looking for a butch lesbian that loves to give oral sex as much as she loves to receive it (and I do love to give it).

For real.

Someone that understands that good sex and the connection that it brings can be the glue that can hold us together through all of the hard times.

Don't make me beg for sex. It hurts me and makes me feel rejected. It is so simple to say, "I don't feel well right now, can we snuggle instead?"

I love to snuggle. It is truly loving to communicate honestly. It is the most loving thing that you can do.

A butch lesbian that understands that butch does not equal dominant and femme does not equal submissive.

A butch that accepts that I am not a submissive.

It doesn't mean that I would not like a strong (when life calls for it) and loving daddi.

I am not a slave and never will be one.

A butch that does know how to communicate feelings, both positive and negative.

If talking about feelings is hard for you, that is fine as long as you are able to tell me that it is difficult for you. If I heard a butch that I was in an intimate relationship with admit that-I would sink to my knees in joy.

Don't shut down. Don't stonewall me. Don't leave me to try to figure out for hours what the hell I said or did wrong. Don't silently punish me.

Conversely, don't say unkind or hurtful things that you can never take back.

They build a wall around my heart.

Reading this reminds me of a Planet member that put on her relationship status:

Too angry to date.

I guess that I am or I am just still too hurt.

I accept that there is a big part of me that must, ok, does; feel that I don't deserve to be treated with loving kindness.

I accept that it is sad that on some level, that it felt right or normal to be treated badly and to keep trying to make it work.

That is the most important scar to heal and I honestly do not know how to do that anymore.

Chad · 04-08-2017, 09:35 AM

A couple of decades ago I was in a committed relationship with a femme that was very violent and abusive. It was my first relationship like that so I was blind sided. She was diagnosed with a illness that I had never heard of and will not name here but later found out that it may have contributed to my experience.

I was bullied, threatened, held hostage, and abused both physically and emotionally. Since I had no experience with that type of behavior I had no tools to deal with it. My family finally saved me from her but not before the damage was done. It took years to recover from those scars but I did. I am still leary of that specific illness but I understand that there are a lot of variations of it.

I fight a lot harder for myself now.

RockOn · 04-08-2017, 12:46 PM

JDeere, I do not believe I am missing out or being shorted of anything by not seeking a relationship. I am content being single. I feel good about it too.

Course sometimes I look, see and get lustful but it does not drive me like it did when I was younger ... so very thankful for that!

Hope that answered your question.

04-07-2017, 09:39 PM	#3
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,906 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	wow, this is a good topic!I too have (r) PTSD.... my fears.. being left because I am frail. I have had a couple serious accidents, and some health problems that have stolen my physical strength. But I only want to be loved for who I am, and am not. This is my reality. sharing finances. I wont ever do that again. Infidelity is a former fear. It doesnt worry me any longer. I use to be possessive but I have since come to a conclusion that going beyond your relationship, if consensual, is not a deal breaker. My husband and I are in an open relationship. And if we ever find a third, we are open to that as well. I no longer need sole rights to my person. not being put first..letting another have a space that should be mine. I had a HORRIBLE experience with this and its probably the single most traumatic relationship issue I ever encountered. It will never happen to me again. Since then, I have asserted myself and made sure I was the chosen one, and if I wasnt, I moved on immediately. I think my fears were all addressed and resolved in this current relationship between me and my husband. I honestly didnt think I would ever get into another relationship. My track record wasnt very good and I was a wreck, physically and emotionally, when I met my husband. We started out as friends and he became my physical caretaker after my first surgery. He refused to let me stay by myself and slept on the couch while I healed. Not for long...his kindness, and compassion, his ability to love and soothe me, manifested such a love within me. Time and a good person, heals all wounds, and fears... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

04-08-2017, 01:09 AM	#4
cathexis Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Trotskyist, Anarcho-syndicalist Preferred Pronoun?: They, Them, Their, Sir Bitch Relationship Status: open Join Date: Sep 2016 Location: Great White North! Posts: 4,332 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,812 Thanked 4,706 Times in 1,604 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Seems like I'm in the same boat at several others here. Have big time fear of abandonment issues. Sometimes my Partner must take measures to quell lashing out and panic. Thankfully, She has a strong Alpha personality. __________________ Insurrection is an art, and like all arts has its own laws. -----Leon Trotsky

04-08-2017, 09:17 AM	#6
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,455 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I keep thinking about what I would really like to put in an online profile. You know, the truly real one but it would be negative because it would have all the things that I sm still angry about with my recent (gosh, now 6-months) ex. This you will never see in any profile in the universe but here. Of course, I probably share too much but my ex would never in a million years look for or find this site, so really: no worries there. She sticks to her financial matters, FB and emails. You may say say to yourself: gee, I did not realize that Anya was an angry person. Since I dealt with my now ex for almost 4 years and since every day I read about another Trump atrocity, yes, I have felt pretty pissed off lately. Scars? Yep. Here goes, the (too) honest dating profile, not well-written, not in any particular order so I would never in a million years post it: I am looking for a butch lesbian that loves to give oral sex as much as she loves to receive it (and I do love to give it). For real. Someone that understands that good sex and the connection that it brings can be the glue that can hold us together through all of the hard times. Don't make me beg for sex. It hurts me and makes me feel rejected. It is so simple to say, "I don't feel well right now, can we snuggle instead?" I love to snuggle. It is truly loving to communicate honestly. It is the most loving thing that you can do. A butch lesbian that understands that butch does not equal dominant and femme does not equal submissive. A butch that accepts that I am not a submissive. It doesn't mean that I would not like a strong (when life calls for it) and loving daddi. I am not a slave and never will be one. A butch that does know how to communicate feelings, both positive and negative. If talking about feelings is hard for you, that is fine as long as you are able to tell me that it is difficult for you. If I heard a butch that I was in an intimate relationship with admit that-I would sink to my knees in joy. Don't shut down. Don't stonewall me. Don't leave me to try to figure out for hours what the hell I said or did wrong. Don't silently punish me. Conversely, don't say unkind or hurtful things that you can never take back. They build a wall around my heart. Reading this reminds me of a Planet member that put on her relationship status: Too angry to date. I guess that I am or I am just still too hurt. I accept that there is a big part of me that must, ok, does; feel that I don't deserve to be treated with loving kindness. I accept that it is sad that on some level, that it felt right or normal to be treated badly and to keep trying to make it work. That is the most important scar to heal and I honestly do not know how to do that anymore. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

04-08-2017, 09:35 AM	#7
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Scars A couple of decades ago I was in a committed relationship with a femme that was very violent and abusive. It was my first relationship like that so I was blind sided. She was diagnosed with a illness that I had never heard of and will not name here but later found out that it may have contributed to my experience. I was bullied, threatened, held hostage, and abused both physically and emotionally. Since I had no experience with that type of behavior I had no tools to deal with it. My family finally saved me from her but not before the damage was done. It took years to recover from those scars but I did. I am still leary of that specific illness but I understand that there are a lot of variations of it. I fight a lot harder for myself now.

04-08-2017, 12:46 PM	#8
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	answering JDeere's question JDeere, I do not believe I am missing out or being shorted of anything by not seeking a relationship. I am content being single. I feel good about it too. Course sometimes I look, see and get lustful but it does not drive me like it did when I was younger ... so very thankful for that! Hope that answered your question.

04-07-2017, 08:20 PM	#1
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I do not have any relationship fears. The reason is because I intend to stay single the rest of my life. I am not missing out on a thing. Seriously! It may sound like a cop out to some ... maybe it is, I do not know. I do know I gave the issue considerable thought before I reached this iron-clad decision. What a freedom!

04-08-2017, 03:30 AM	#5
AmazonDC Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: DC Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: colorado Posts: 499 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 346 Thanked 1,485 Times in 430 Posts Rep Power: 13453158	Hearing her but not being enough to calm the storm left from time..