Making it work 24/7

[Chad]

Great subject Kittygrrl.

I hope to learn from others in this thread. I feel like I fall short a lot at making it work 24/7. I give so much of my energy to my work that I am exhausted when I get home at night with very little left for a partner.

Looks like I need to reflect and try harder.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Chad

Great subject Kittygrrl.

I hope to learn from others in this thread. I feel like I fall short a lot at making it work 24/7. I give so much of my energy to my work that I am exhausted when I get home at night with very little left for a partner.

Looks like I need to reflect and try harder.

even for a LDR? not as much energy needed for that, or maybe it take more i am not sure.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

even for a LDR? not as much energy needed for that, or maybe it take more i am not sure.

I actually do pretty well with LDR's. Time to focus on work and time to focus on her. Yep.

I am great at dating.

Thanks Dee.

[NavyButch]

Originally Posted by Chad

Great subject Kittygrrl.

I hope to learn from others in this thread. I feel like I fall short a lot at making it work 24/7. I give so much of my energy to my work that I am exhausted when I get home at night with very little left for a partner.

Looks like I need to reflect and try harder.

Hi Chad-

I think you hit the nail on the head with- "Looks like I need to reflect and try harder". Really more the reflection part. I think that when a relationship ends- any type really- even a friendship- it is necessary for us to look back at it all and try to figure out just went wrong. Like you said- was it because you give a lot of energy to your job and have nothing left over? If that was truly it- what can you do to change that? So often it is easier to just move on and not spend the time to look back at what happened. We just feel, "ok, it is over- going to dust myself off- and move on". I do not think it is where we should dwell on it for sure. But, I think self-reflection is always good no matter what the circumstances were in regards to the breakup. It is not about laying blame- it is about learning and making ourselves better for the next possibility.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by NavyButch

Hi Chad-

I think you hit the nail on the head with- "Looks like I need to reflect and try harder". Really more the reflection part. I think that when a relationship ends- any type really- even a friendship- it is necessary for us to look back at it all and try to figure out just went wrong. Like you said- was it because you give a lot of energy to your job and have nothing left over? If that was truly it- what can you do to change that? So often it is easier to just move on and not spend the time to look back at what happened. We just feel, "ok, it is over- going to dust myself off- and move on". I do not think it is where we should dwell on it for sure. But, I think self-reflection is always good no matter what the circumstances were in regards to the breakup. It is not about laying blame- it is about learning and making ourselves better for the next possibility.

Hi NavyButch,

Yes my work has been an issue for decades. I have sacrificed time with family, friends, and partners for my career. I have been pondering balance for a long time. My work is very important to my soul and I enjoy it.

I guess it all comes down to what is most important. That is very hard because my work is so important.

I think that I am a good match for a career femme that is passionate about her work then we could meet in the middle and have fun weekends.

Thank you for your input.

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by Chad

Great subject Kittygrrl.

I hope to learn from others in this thread. I feel like I fall short a lot at making it work 24/7. I give so much of my energy to my work that I am exhausted when I get home at night with very little left for a partner.

Looks like I need to reflect and try harder.

your spouse should show up w/ lunch and her as a snack ~

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

your spouse should show up w/ lunch and her as a snack ~

ocean, i'd rather be dessert j/s lol...but when your lover is tired or vexed...we femmes (meaning me, at least) take note and quietly try to make things as comfortable as possible...low key dinner w/soft music, then if he needs space float into my own private space...plan a nice Friday or Saturday...with no agenda...

[Chad]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

your spouse should show up w/ lunch and her as a snack ~

Haha ocean, when/if I get a spouse I will suggest this.

[kittygrrl]

"the best thing to hold onto in life is each other"

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

"the best thing to hold onto in life is each other"

this is the basis for a living a happy poly family 24/7 long distance lifestyle.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

this is the basis for a living a happy poly family 24/7 long distance lifestyle.

I agree...poly families can be amazing and beautiful

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I agree...poly families can be amazing and beautiful

Sure can! But It can be lots of work, especially for the HoH but if the result is Happy People it is worth it. ....

Making it work means everyone needs to be honest and my truth is i love my poly wiring.

Making it work 24/7 means you dont judge others in your fold for having emotions you just try to help them get through it with love and support

[hopelessromantic69]

Communication, honesty and the ability to compromise are things I feel are a must. Forgiveness and hope are helpful also

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by hopelessromantic69

Communication, honesty and the ability to compromise are things I feel are a must. Forgiveness and hope are helpful also

hope yes but when all hope is gone its time to move on...

i will compromise but i won't lose myself in the process..

[2qt]

Trust, no expectations to give more then you have or take more then you can't give, patience, tolerance, honesty, time & respect for each others boundaries & personal spaces, be on the same page together, communication, acceptance....

[AmazonDC]

Honesty,trust,flexability,respect,and remembering always why you love each other in the first place.. ability to give space when needed and never going to bed without a kiss ad hug ..

[kittygrrl]

I know it sounds like a given-but when you become a couple and the wild ride of court ship fades into a pleasant memory...if saying please and thank you isn't second nature, it's important to make it a part of your everyday consciousness-Letting our spouse/significant other know we appreciate the smallest thoughtful thing he or she does for us is important-It's easy to take for granted they know how grateful we are for their thoughtfulness but.......................even if they are--> say it anyway! It makes them feel good to have it verbalized. Try it! and you will see a smile. I guarantee it.

[Mel C.]

Let me start off by saying that I don't have a great track record with LDR's. Despite that, I think I've figured out a few things that work for me.

1) Being mindful. Focusing on the present without trying to analyze or judge my thoughts and feelings is a new concept for me. My previous relationships were focused on an end game...living together, marriage or some other formal commitment.

2) Being present. Engagement in my partner's activities helps me feel more connected. Just because we are thousands of miles apart doesn't mean I don't want to know how her day at work went or what she had for dinner. We spend more time on FaceTime than I nave spent with people I date in real-time.

3) Being committed - making plans for the next visit is really important to me. We don't have to focus on the separation if we know when we will be together again. This step also includes making sure she knows I am committed to her. She has to be treated as a priority.

4) Being open. This includes being honest about the hardships. Separation is difficult, more at some times than others. I can talk about it (or hear about it) without wallowing in self pity over the situation.

I'm having a 'moment' and can't remember what else I was going to say. I'll be back if there are any epiphanies.

[girl_dee]

using a ton of ways to tell each other you are thinking of them.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

your spouse should show up w/ lunch and her as a snack ~

.........