Caregivers and Stress

[Teddybear]

Ms Dee

Let by start by saying thank you for this thread. I responded when you first posted and prayed that it would be years before it ever fell to me to be a caregiver. It was but not long enough.

I have always been afraid that it would be my father I would have to care for and it turns out it is my mother.

I came home when she got sick and thought I would be here a week or two that is now going on 2.5 months.

My job lets me work from home however I am being told I am not doing my job. When I ask what am I not doing I am told you are not here. I see this as a quilt trip from work because now my coworkers r atully having to do their jobs.

I found a job in Atlanta, found an apartment and moved in. The day before I was suppose to start my mom had a break down and I postponed starting for a week.

The night before I was to start I was leaving her house to go to my apartment and I thought I was going to have to take her to the hospital. It was bad. I took her to my apartment. We stayed there 2 nights and she couldn't handle it.

So I commute 1.5 to 2 hours one way. I work the job from Dallas when I get home at night and on weekends.

I am stressed to the max. I ask for time for myself and she acts like a 2 yr old.

She refuses to let my brothers stay here unless I am here. I have found out why and I agree.

I know I need time for me and have asked for it. NOw getting my brothers, and or mother to comply is the issue.

My brothers will be here for the 4th of July next weekend and I am hoping to have some time to myself. I will update after the weekend.

I am afraid that as much time as my mom requires will ruin my relationship. My gf understands what I am going thru she went thru it with her mom.

I just wonder how it can survive when we cant have any alone time. She lets us stay here but every waking moment all 3 of us are together. By time its bed time we are so sleepy all we can do is sleep.

How do you tell your parent NO, how do you get them to hear you need time also and not just time to and from work?

I want to thank everyone for allowing me the space to say what I need to say and for any and all suggestions

[girl_dee]

Teddybear...

I was hoping to hear about how things are going.

It seems we have the same.mom.

After this round i have really checked out. I just cant keep putting myself out there.

I hope you can do the same.

Its so painful but allowing anyone to hurt you like this is just not acceptable.

[Chained Daisy]

Truly, my own heartaches for all the heartache I read of here. I went no contact with my own mother for the last year of her life {not that I knew it would be her last at the time} after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse it was the best decision I ever made. I should of done it years before. That said she has been dead 10 years now and as a middle aged woman who has survived more than my fair share of lifes troubles I am still scared of her.....still. Such are the long lasting effects of an abusive childhood. They say the best revenge {if thats what is needed} is to live a good life and thrive, I try, some days are harder and than others. Let your inner voice speak to yourself with kindness, you deserve it.

[Chad]

I am struggling to find balance these days.

My dad raised me to be a provider and handyman. Work ethic was rule number one in my dad's eyes. I can fix mom's car, fix her home, take care of her yard work but caregiver is not easy for me.

I will do the best that I can with my limited experience and ask for help when needed. Asking for help is hard but it will become necessary somtimes.

My goal is to keep mom healthy and happy.

[girl_dee]

Thank you all for posting.

This is definitely a free space to unload and let it go!

i am so tired of feeling guilty for how i feel. Someone once told me that blood doesn't matter when it comes to relationships. If this were anyone else in the world, i would never have put up with this for so long. But because of who she is to me, i do.

It's funny because my mom does not have maternal feelings for her children. It doesn't bother her at all to disown us. Isn't that crazy?

[Chained Daisy]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Thank you all for posting.

This is definitely a free space to unload and let it go!

i am so tired of feeling guilty for how i feel. Someone once told me that blood doesn't matter when it comes to relationships. If this were anyone else in the world, i would never have put up with this for so long. But because of who she is to me, i do.

It's funny because my mom does not have maternal feelings for her children. It doesn't bother her at all to disown us. Isn't that crazy?

Crazy it is dee, it always amazes me how we manage to be so manipulated and made to feel such guilt for the slightest thing by someone who feels not an ounce of guilt for the endless distress they inflict on us.

[Teddybear]

My mom and I spoke and at the time isn't think she heard me but she did.

She spoke with both my brothers and told them that once a month one of them would be coming to stay with her so I could have some time. She also agreed that when my gf is in town we get at least one day to ourselves.

Now let's see how it pans out

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

My mom and I spoke and at the time isn't think she heard me but she did.

She spoke with both my brothers and told them that once a month one of them would be coming to stay with her so I could have some time. She also agreed that when my gf is in town we get at least one day to ourselves.

Now let's see how it pans out

Oh this could be good!

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

My mom and I spoke and at the time isn't think she heard me but she did.

She spoke with both my brothers and told them that once a month one of them would be coming to stay with her so I could have some time. She also agreed that when my gf is in town we get at least one day to ourselves.

Now let's see how it pans out

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


O both brothers showed up today to help me move my stuff out of my apartment and back to storage.

My baby brothers car broke down( how convenient). My middle brother, his wife and Momma took him home. I was left alone at home. Seems the family meeting we were going to have just evaporated, however I made sure to have a talk with each bother and momma was there. Seems she has told them when I wasn't there that I only needed 2-3 hours once a month. I made sure they were told that wasn't true. My baby brother has a chip on his shoulder about having to come down and spend a weekend every other month.

Funny how my mom was complaining about the drive from here to Atlanta and back here however she got really ticked when it was suggested that she stay home to take M back home. So everyone agreed to let her go.

She has called me 3 times since they have left been gone about 3 hours. I asked her are yall going to dinner her answer not yet. I said ok but are you. She just couldn't tell me without making a big deal out of it. I told her I just wanted to know so I could go get something to eat. She finally said yes they were.

I can see now that if things don't change I wont be here long. I am starting to feel like this was everyones plan without letting me know All that does is make me feel used.