The Psychology of Online Dating

girl_dee · 07-22-2017, 05:43 AM

do you consider long distance dating, online dating?

2qt · 07-25-2017, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

do you consider long distance dating, online dating?

I feel there is just too much stigma given to the words Online/Real life, local/LD.... Dating I think is just how one views it... Some consider it just online dating whilst others see it as something much deeper & much more personal to them...

Why can't we just name it.... Getting to know someone? The word dating seems to box it into this little square of perception that dating is only possible if it's done in real time or if they live within x amount of miles from me.... I don't feel that to be true... You often can't control who you fall for... Love is just love...

For me it was much more personal then just an online date thing... I was spending the same amount of my real time quality time getting to know my potential partner then as I would in my real life...

If you want something to work it's like anything... Effort needs to be made & you need to know what it is you're both reaching for & you're both on the same page otherwise it will never work...

girl_dee · 07-25-2017, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2qt

I feel there is just too much stigma given to the words Online/Real life, local/LD.... Dating I think is just how one views it... Some consider it just online dating whilst others see it as something much deeper & much more personal to them...

Why can't we just name it.... Getting to know someone? The word dating seems to box it into this little square of perception that dating is only possible if it's done in real time or if they live within x amount of miles from me.... I don't feel that to be true... You often can't control who you fall for... Love is just love...

For me it was much more personal then just an online date thing... I was spending the same amount of my real time quality time getting to know my potential partner then as I would in my real life...

If you want something to work it's like anything... Effort needs to be made & you need to know what it is you're both reaching for & you're both on the same page otherwise it will never work...

i have been thinking about this and i get it.

The OP mentioned people not getting the *dating * part... that people want a marriage before the courtship...i don't get that either.

IMO i cannot know someone until have been with them in person... the energy has to be right, so i could not date strictly online and definately could not plan a future with anyone i have not been with in person.

i think people are sometimes just in a lustmance and confuse with being in love.

Lyte · 07-25-2017, 05:45 PM

A few years ago... *cough* ... this gal and I came up with a feeling and a corresponding phrase that described how we felt for one another. It was quite a bit more than like ... but not quite love... we decided we were In Lust with one another. Yup... definitely ... In Lust!

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i think people are sometimes just in a lustmance and confuse with being in love.

girl_dee · 07-25-2017, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyte

A few years ago... *cough* ... this gal and I came up with a feeling and a corresponding phrase that described how we felt for one another. It was quite a bit more than like ... but not quite love... we were In Lust with one another. Yup... definitely ... In Lust!

and there is NOTHING wrong with that! As long as you both know where you stand, or lay... who cares! Enjoy it!

Lyte · 07-25-2017, 05:50 PM

Absolutely! There's nothing wrong with that at all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

and there is NOTHING wrong with that! As long as you both know where you stand, or lay... who cares! Enjoy it!

*Anya* · 07-25-2017, 05:59 PM

There are as many definitions of date or dating as almost the number of days in a month:

noun
1.
a particular month, day, and year at which some event happened or will happen:
July 4, 1776 was the date of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

2.
the day of the month:
Is today's date the 7th or the 8th?

3. an inscription on a writing, coin, etc., that shows the time, or time and place, of writing, casting, delivery, etc.:
a letter bearing the date January 16.

4.
the time or period to which any event or thing belongs; period in general:
at a late date.

5.
the time during which anything lasts; duration:
The pity is that childhood has so short a date.

6.
an appointment for a particular time:
They have a date with their accountant at ten o'clock.

7.
a social appointment or engagement arranged beforehand with another person, especially when a romantic relationship exists or may develop:
to go out on a Saturday night date.

verb (used without object), dated, dating.

11.
to have or bear a date:
The letter dates from 1873.

12.
to belong to a particular period; have its origin:
That dress dates from the 19th century. The architecture dates as far back as 1830.

13.
to reckon from some point in time:
The custom dates from the days when women wore longer skirts.

14.
to go out socially on dates:
She dated a lot during high school.
verb (used with object), dated, dating.

15.
to mark or furnish with a date:
Please date the check as of today.

16.
to ascertain or fix the period or point in time of; assign a period or point in time to:
The archaeologist dated the ruins as belonging to the early Minoan period.

17.
to show the age of; show to be old-fashioned.

18.
to make a date with; go out on dates with:
He's been dating his best friend's sister.

Idioms
19.
to date, up to the present time; until now:
This is his best book to date.

20.
up to date, in agreement with or inclusive of the latest information; modern:
Bring us up to date on the news.

BullDog · 07-25-2017, 06:03 PM

I think the hardest part is being able to spend a lot of time in person before making a long term commitment. It is logistically not easy - unless online where you live locally or not too far apart.

kittygrrl · 07-25-2017, 05:52 PM

I don't see online dating as a substitute for actually being physically in someone's real time life. There is a point where that becomes necessary but getting to know someone in a forum isn't a big bad boogey man and as relevant as any other kind of meeting (to me). It's worked for me fine but if it doesn't work for you, that is also fine. This is a place to share ideas and experience but it stops where you want it to. I think this works for everybody-

knight · 07-26-2017, 12:53 PM

I think we probably all have different definitions of those terms, for me all online dating is long distance dating. If you cant get in your car and drive at to have a real time date with someone both terms would apply here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

do you consider long distance dating, online dating?

Martina · 07-26-2017, 02:23 PM

For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me.

Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point.

firegal · 07-26-2017, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me.

Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point.

your comment and a few others made me think of Baskins and robbins.....31 flavors....lot of flavors.....some i dont like and others do.Like different looks in "on line-long distant dating".......and more than a few flavors i may like...even love lol.....but in the end its still dating.....errr...ice cream...

dating ......31 flavors.... lol

PS yes they both have vanilla!!!!! lol

Kätzchen · 07-26-2017, 07:52 PM

Heh, love the ice cream metaphor firegal! *lol*

I hear Bulldog and Martina and I resonate with similar sentiment in that ..... A) Like both Bulldog and Martina, I've been a member of this community for a very long time. Our history, things we've talked about in either personal or political ways, are really good ways to understand the way we think about most any subject up for discussion among members of the community. Whether it was online here at the Planet or at the years long community that seems no longer what it once was (Dash), people who've been regularly participating in forum discussions are able to see our own unique pattern of thinking, our preferences, whatever..... even if someone isn't a regularly participating member, there is always the proverbial trail of bread crumbs which are unique to ourselves or anyone who has posted on forum boards.

And... B) unless you're a trained professional therapist in the mental health field, I think it's really WISE to not dispense with personal assessment of behavioral issues. I would feel VERY uncomfortable if any therapist or mental health professional crossed that ethical and moral line of conduct. So...to share ideas you have about certain RED flags in behavioral issues is one thing, but it's a slippery slope to reference anyone in shady ways or use the un-named target when talking about serious things that can be deal breakers for many people.

C) I don't have any "dog in this fight" as far as whether knowing if dating locally or meeting someone here and it turns out well or not. I've made several posts about this very thing over the past few years, which anyone can look up on their own. What matters to me is whether another person and myself feel attraction for one another....and other privately held ideas between the two of us, which I don't feel is necessary to discuss openly on the forum boards. BUT...it is important that proximity of nearness be in place for anything to develop and it's also important to me that transparency between each other is of vital importance.

In my mind, these are the building blocks to a solid foundation. What happens next is not up for debate or discussion. Solid foundations are vital to building any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, in my mind.

girl_dee · 07-26-2017, 08:03 PM

i feel that the internet is a tool in which we use to gather. We like to be with like minded folks...

This amazing pool of B-F folks could not gather without the internet, not very easily.

Even in our community we are quite diverse!

Some are looking for friendships, romances, fuckmances, likemances...you name it.. some are not looking for anything more than to feel accepted.

But it happens, someone strikes your fancy and you begin...

How you continue it is the key. .. if there is an attraction you will do what works for you, until it doesn't.

girl_dee · 07-26-2017, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight

I think we probably all have different definitions of those terms, for me all online dating is long distance dating. If you cant get in your car and drive at to have a real time date with someone both terms would apply here.

Thanks! i suppose it does go hand in hand...

07-25-2017, 05:59 PM	#7
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,455 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	What is the dictionary definition of date or dating? I guess I use #7, #14, according to Dictionary.com There are as many definitions of date or dating as almost the number of days in a month: noun 1. a particular month, day, and year at which some event happened or will happen: July 4, 1776 was the date of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. 2. the day of the month: Is today's date the 7th or the 8th? 3. an inscription on a writing, coin, etc., that shows the time, or time and place, of writing, casting, delivery, etc.: a letter bearing the date January 16. 4. the time or period to which any event or thing belongs; period in general: at a late date. 5. the time during which anything lasts; duration: The pity is that childhood has so short a date. 6. an appointment for a particular time: They have a date with their accountant at ten o'clock. 7. a social appointment or engagement arranged beforehand with another person, especially when a romantic relationship exists or may develop: to go out on a Saturday night date. verb (used without object), dated, dating. 11. to have or bear a date: The letter dates from 1873. 12. to belong to a particular period; have its origin: That dress dates from the 19th century. The architecture dates as far back as 1830. 13. to reckon from some point in time: The custom dates from the days when women wore longer skirts. 14. to go out socially on dates: She dated a lot during high school. verb (used with object), dated, dating. 15. to mark or furnish with a date: Please date the check as of today. 16. to ascertain or fix the period or point in time of; assign a period or point in time to: The archaeologist dated the ruins as belonging to the early Minoan period. 17. to show the age of; show to be old-fashioned. 18. to make a date with; go out on dates with: He's been dating his best friend's sister. Idioms 19. to date, up to the present time; until now: This is his best book to date. 20. up to date, in agreement with or inclusive of the latest information; modern: Bring us up to date on the news. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner Last edited by Anya; 07-25-2017 at 06:01 PM. Reason: Finger slipped

07-25-2017, 06:03 PM	#8
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,655 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I think the hardest part is being able to spend a lot of time in person before making a long term commitment. It is logistically not easy - unless online where you live locally or not too far apart. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

07-25-2017, 05:52 PM	#9
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,603 Thanked 21,974 Times in 7,091 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I don't see online dating as a substitute for actually being physically in someone's real time life. There is a point where that becomes necessary but getting to know someone in a forum isn't a big bad boogey man and as relevant as any other kind of meeting (to me). It's worked for me fine but if it doesn't work for you, that is also fine. This is a place to share ideas and experience but it stops where you want it to. I think this works for everybody- __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

07-26-2017, 02:23 PM	#11
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,285 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me. Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point. __________________ "No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin

07-26-2017, 07:52 PM	#13
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter & chosen friends and family.. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Enjoying life with my granddaughter & chosen friends and family. Posts: 16,092 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,737 Thanked 33,528 Times in 10,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Heh, love the ice cream metaphor firegal! lol I hear Bulldog and Martina and I resonate with similar sentiment in that ..... A) Like both Bulldog and Martina, I've been a member of this community for a very long time. Our history, things we've talked about in either personal or political ways, are really good ways to understand the way we think about most any subject up for discussion among members of the community. Whether it was online here at the Planet or at the years long community that seems no longer what it once was (Dash), people who've been regularly participating in forum discussions are able to see our own unique pattern of thinking, our preferences, whatever..... even if someone isn't a regularly participating member, there is always the proverbial trail of bread crumbs which are unique to ourselves or anyone who has posted on forum boards. And... B) unless you're a trained professional therapist in the mental health field, I think it's really WISE to not dispense with personal assessment of behavioral issues. I would feel VERY uncomfortable if any therapist or mental health professional crossed that ethical and moral line of conduct. So...to share ideas you have about certain RED flags in behavioral issues is one thing, but it's a slippery slope to reference anyone in shady ways or use the un-named target when talking about serious things that can be deal breakers for many people. C) I don't have any "dog in this fight" as far as whether knowing if dating locally or meeting someone here and it turns out well or not. I've made several posts about this very thing over the past few years, which anyone can look up on their own. What matters to me is whether another person and myself feel attraction for one another....and other privately held ideas between the two of us, which I don't feel is necessary to discuss openly on the forum boards. BUT...it is important that proximity of nearness be in place for anything to develop and it's also important to me that transparency between each other is of vital importance. In my mind, these are the building blocks to a solid foundation. What happens next is not up for debate or discussion. Solid foundations are vital to building any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, in my mind. __________________ “There will be enough women on the Supreme Court when there are nine,” — Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

07-22-2017, 05:43 AM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,832 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	do you consider long distance dating, online dating?

07-26-2017, 08:03 PM	#14
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,832 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i feel that the internet is a tool in which we use to gather. We like to be with like minded folks... This amazing pool of B-F folks could not gather without the internet, not very easily. Even in our community we are quite diverse! Some are looking for friendships, romances, fuckmances, likemances...you name it.. some are not looking for anything more than to feel accepted. But it happens, someone strikes your fancy and you begin... How you continue it is the key. .. if there is an attraction you will do what works for you, until it doesn't.