The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility - Page 14

Gemme · 09-03-2013, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

So just like any other gender, it does not dictate anything but an accent through which my body speaks.

Fucking love this.

Crow · 09-20-2013, 07:43 PM

I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

girl_dee · 07-15-2017, 05:44 PM

Low is that i feel extremely invisible in my new town here...

Femmewench · 08-31-2017, 10:12 AM

One of the reasons I enjoy being in the company of butches, and there are many, many reasons, is that I'm immediately identifiable as not-straight. I've been out to everyone I know except to one medical director I worked with who was an active rabid-church goer. People ask why we're so concerned with being out and Pride, etc. Part of it is that without that I will always be assumed to be straight.
I could be dressed head to toe in rainbow colors and all things identified as dyke/queer/butch even and I'm still read as straight. Holding a butch's hand immediately changes that. ~I wanna hold your hand.~

homoe · 08-31-2017, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crow

I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

Kätzchen · 08-31-2017, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

I prefer to take the advice offered by Sophia Loren:

homoe · 08-31-2017, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

I prefer to take the advice offered by Sophia Loren:

Yes, that's nice too.............

DapperButch · 08-31-2017, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't

I like a femme in jeans that hang low on her hips paired with a white tank top with spaghetti straps. It is just my thing for some reason.

I love a femme dressed up, as well. I like tasteful, sophisticated shoes with a bit of a heel paired with a dress.

I am always open to wearing what my partner finds attractive on me. In fact, I prefer to wear something they like (assuming I like it, as well).

MsTinkerbelly · 08-31-2017, 02:24 PM

As a femme, I am invisible until I am out with my Kasey.

The lows for me are the times I see family and would like to acknowledge them, but instead if I nod and smile I just come off as a middle aged straight woman trying to be pleasant. A definite low is when I am told by friend or stranger that it is "okay that you are gay"...like I asked them for their fucking approval!

The highs are the times I am out with my Kasey and we are acknowledged as family by couples or another butch. Or when we are treated as just another couple by Joe Q. Public. An example would be the couples dinner every month at our Church...it is announced the Sunday before that all couples of any kind are welcome to attend.

I have always felt privileged that I can take my "gayness off" should circumstances regarding my safety come up, but I also feel very guilty when I see or hear some of the shit Kasey takes from the public when they don't see me there.

DapperButch · 08-31-2017, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I like a femme in jeans that hang low on her hips paired with a white tank top with spaghetti straps. It is just my thing for some reason.

I love a femme dressed up, as well. I like tasteful, sophisticated shoes with a bit of a heel paired with a dress.

I am always open to wearing what my partner finds attractive on me. In fact, I prefer to wear something they like (assuming I like it, as well).

Dear femmes,

I am sorry for my post. I saw other butches posting, so I did not consider this thread is only for femmes. I just looked at the first post and saw that it is. Sorry!

homoe · 08-31-2017, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Dear femmes,

I am sorry for my post. I saw other butches posting, so I did not consider this thread is only for femmes. I just looked at the first post and saw that it is. Sorry!

Yes, what Dapper said .....so sorry!

MsTinkerbelly · 09-01-2017, 09:22 AM

I was thinking of this last night while I was awake at 3am...

I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. Is that because I am only attracted to butches and transmen, or is it because I am conditioned to see gender in only two ways? In my head, are people EITHER male or female without shades of gray?

Omg I never thought I had such a narrow view of gender. Maybe this is why the general public misses us (femmes), even if we drape ourselves in rainbows?

Femmewench · 09-01-2017, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I was thinking of this last night while I was awake at 3am...

I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. Is that because I am only attracted to butches and transmen, or is it because I am conditioned to see gender in only two ways? In my head, are people EITHER male or female without shades of gray?

Omg I never thought I had such a narrow view of gender. Maybe this is why the general public misses us (femmes), even if we drape ourselves in rainbows?

I think we have the same problem butches do in identifying femmes at a glance. It's got nothing to do with gender for me. If she's a femme attracted to femmes and she were to be attracted to me, I'd make the gay id were I aware of her attraction. Or if she's a femme attracted to androgynous or butch folks, I'd make the gay id. Without some context, I'm lost.

And when I see a masculine leaning woman, I assume she's gay. I just operate on, until I learn otherwise, she's gay. It makes me happy. And I reread that and realized that's what straight people do; until they learn otherwise, they assume all femmes are straight. I'm making my own head hurt.

I'm never going to be perfect and do the best I can. I hope I overlook no one, but I do think we need a secret symbol of some kind that's not rainbow. Rainbow clashes with a lot of my clothes. <g>

girl_dee · 03-12-2018, 05:58 PM

SNIP:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. I

This is an interesting comment. We are definitely invisible among each other.

Unless we are physically present with a butch, there is no way we femmes, butches or anyone else could know.

Signmypapyrus · 03-12-2018, 06:21 PM

I present in various ways— sometimes very femme and sometimes (like right now), not at all. One way I’m not femme at all is I like to do shit on my own and I like it that way. This may be why I don’t like super masculine butches, but rather women who are lesbians and can wear a feminine suit or even something more feminine.

To speak more candidly, I know a number of fellow femmes who feel erased, especially if they date other femmes. I think it speaks to the culture.

I’m on my phone so I can’t write more.

girl_dee · 03-12-2018, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Signmypapyrus

I present in various ways— sometimes very femme and sometimes (like right now), not at all. One way I’m not femme at all is I like to do shit on my own and I like it that way. This may be why I don’t like super masculine butches, but rather women who are lesbians and can wear a feminine suit or even something more feminine.

To speak more candidly, I know a number of fellow femmes who feel erased, especially if they date other femmes. I think it speaks to the culture.

I’m on my phone so I can’t write more.

i do shit on my own and i am every bit a femme. Why just today i changed my own windshield wipers!

Being femme doesn’t mean you can’t do shit does it i think many butches prefer a more self sufficient femme. Of course there are those who need to be validated and gravitate before a damsel in distress, but that’s not my thing.

i have dated feminine women, (i don’t know if they ID as femme) and i’ve always been a femme.

i am sad that any femme feels erased in any way

Signmypapyrus · 03-16-2018, 07:07 PM

Thanks for the comment, Dee!

Gemme · 03-16-2018, 07:18 PM

Femme is not what you can do or what you do do but who you are. It's intrinsic to one's soul and self.

Now that that is settled, I always wonder who is and who is not family and who I do or do not wish to be family. Bad behavior always gets an 'oh, please no'.

It's a bit difficult here and most of the states I've lived in because there's always a lot of flannel, regardless of identity.

08-31-2017, 10:12 AM	#264
Femmewench Member How Do You Identify?: Casual Femme Saphiosexual Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: Divorced Join Date: Aug 2017 Location: Albuquerque, NM Posts: 376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,674 Thanked 1,270 Times in 330 Posts Rep Power: 10346602	One of the reasons I enjoy being in the company of butches, and there are many, many reasons, is that I'm immediately identifiable as not-straight. I've been out to everyone I know except to one medical director I worked with who was an active rabid-church goer. People ask why we're so concerned with being out and Pride, etc. Part of it is that without that I will always be assumed to be straight. I could be dressed head to toe in rainbow colors and all things identified as dyke/queer/butch even and I'm still read as straight. Holding a butch's hand immediately changes that. ~I wanna hold your hand.~ __________________ "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin

03-12-2018, 06:21 PM	#275
Signmypapyrus Junior Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Join Date: Mar 2018 Location: * Posts: 66 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 181 Times in 53 Posts Rep Power: 1675671	I present in various ways— sometimes very femme and sometimes (like right now), not at all. One way I’m not femme at all is I like to do shit on my own and I like it that way. This may be why I don’t like super masculine butches, but rather women who are lesbians and can wear a feminine suit or even something more feminine. To speak more candidly, I know a number of fellow femmes who feel erased, especially if they date other femmes. I think it speaks to the culture. I’m on my phone so I can’t write more. __________________ “(I)f we are going to be kind, let it be out of simple generosity, not because we fear guilt or retribution.” --from Disgrace by JM Coetzee

03-16-2018, 07:07 PM	#277
Signmypapyrus Junior Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Join Date: Mar 2018 Location: * Posts: 66 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 181 Times in 53 Posts Rep Power: 1675671	Thanks for the comment, Dee! __________________ “(I)f we are going to be kind, let it be out of simple generosity, not because we fear guilt or retribution.” --from Disgrace by JM Coetzee

03-16-2018, 07:18 PM	#278
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,496 Thanked 108,181 Times in 25,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	Femme is not what you can do or what you do do but who you are. It's intrinsic to one's soul and self. Now that that is settled, I always wonder who is and who is not family and who I do or do not wish to be family. Bad behavior always gets an 'oh, please no'. It's a bit difficult here and most of the states I've lived in because there's always a lot of flannel, regardless of identity. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

09-20-2013, 07:43 PM	#262
Crow Junior Member How Do You Identify?: lgbTq...the T...that's me Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. From my head down to my toes. Relationship Status: Sane Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Toto we're not in Seattle anymore! Posts: 49 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 71 Thanked 196 Times in 43 Posts Rep Power: 2383964	I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

07-15-2017, 05:44 PM	#263
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,862 Times in 13,915 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Low is that i feel extremely invisible in my new town here...

08-31-2017, 02:24 PM	#269
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,927 Times in 5,021 Posts Rep Power: 0	As a femme, I am invisible until I am out with my Kasey. The lows for me are the times I see family and would like to acknowledge them, but instead if I nod and smile I just come off as a middle aged straight woman trying to be pleasant. A definite low is when I am told by friend or stranger that it is "okay that you are gay"...like I asked them for their fucking approval! The highs are the times I am out with my Kasey and we are acknowledged as family by couples or another butch. Or when we are treated as just another couple by Joe Q. Public. An example would be the couples dinner every month at our Church...it is announced the Sunday before that all couples of any kind are welcome to attend. I have always felt privileged that I can take my "gayness off" should circumstances regarding my safety come up, but I also feel very guilty when I see or hear some of the shit Kasey takes from the public when they don't see me there.

09-01-2017, 09:22 AM	#272
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,927 Times in 5,021 Posts Rep Power: 0	I was thinking of this last night while I was awake at 3am... I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. Is that because I am only attracted to butches and transmen, or is it because I am conditioned to see gender in only two ways? In my head, are people EITHER male or female without shades of gray? Omg I never thought I had such a narrow view of gender. Maybe this is why the general public misses us (femmes), even if we drape ourselves in rainbows?