Setting the bar high?

[Medusa]

God, I have so much to say about this but I don't even know where to start.

I'll apologize in advance because this will probably be a jumbled mess and I'm also trying to be careful and respectful of my own history.

So, setting the bar high.
I used to believe when I was much younger that setting the bar high meant you demanded a certain level of respect and that it would look the same in every relationship. I guess it IS true for me on some level because I do want the basic respect of treating me nicely, honesty, and hearing me out on my opinions if we disagree but fuck, that comes in friendships too so it feels like a baseline for basic human interaction.

I'll say this, as I've gotten older and been through some shit I now think of "setting the bar high" as maintaining a set of boundaries that are just completely non-negotiable at this stage in my life.

Is it necessary to set the bar high i.e. maintain boundaries? HELL YES.
Otherwise, who am I at my core? A person who is just a fucking doormat who won't speak up when someone shits all over me? A person who just accepts whatever bad behavior that my love interest wants to throw my way? A person who feels responsible for allowing other people to work out their damage at my expense? Nope. Nuh uh. Not this girl.

I have learned better boundaries and what a higher bar looks like in every relationship I've been in and thankfully, nine times out of ten I've also learned how to ask for what I WANT versus knowing what I DON'T WANT.

Knowing what I don't want has gotten easier with time and relationships. I don't want to be partnered to a person who lives in constant negativity. I don't want to be with an addict. I don't want to be with someone who is mean-hearted or ignorant. I don't want to be with someone who is emotionally dishonest. Those were things that I didn't know were "Hell No's" for me when I was younger. My bar was set pretty low at "Do they like me?" and "Do I enjoy being around them?"...and that's all self-worth shit at play. Me thinking I didn't get to want better for myself.

But now at the age of 41, I'm all "this is what I want". I WANT a person with a wide-open heart even if it carries the scars of relationships past. I WANT a person who is committed to living a healthy, non-addicted lifestyle. I WANT a person who knows my value and who doesn't want to change me but who also will expect me to be my best. I WANT a person who will pull their weight. I WANT a person who is as horrified by abusive, manipulative behavior as I am. I WANT a person who not only understands my quirks but who embraces them (because I'm the girl wearing a unicorn horn or a tiara while I clean the house because it makes me feel more magical and makes for easier work!)
And I KNOW I deserve all of that because I am a hell of a catch, a hell of a good-ass woman, and a fine, healthy, sexy, smoldering Femme with a brain you could die in and a mouth you could bathe in. (this is me knowing my value, and it's not without a hard-fought battle)

And thankfully I've learned my lessons and done my work and have been rewarded with magical, healthy, abiding, substantial, sturdy, soul-shattering love.

So, is it worth it to make boundaries and set your bar high? HELL YES.