Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

Chained Daisy · 10-22-2017, 04:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

Today we found out my mom has cancer again. In September we went for her 3 month check-up and her blood work showed that her CA125 was high. They told her to wait 30 days to test again. We did that Tuesday and on Wednesday they called to say the numbers were higher than in September and that she should have a CT scan of her chest, abdomen and pelvis. That appointment was today and they said the results would be available in 24 hours. I was thinking Monday afternoon or Tuesday we'd hear something. However, they called right after we got home to say the cancer is back. Tuesday we have an appointment with her oncologist.

Understandably my mom is upset. She's resting on the couch and she asked me to call all my siblings because she doesn't want to talk about it.

These last 30 days have been hell. She's been so stressed and of course that overflows on to me and the grandkids because she's so tense.

I don't know what to expect now. She had already said she doesn't think she can do it again. She fought last time and I know she'll fight again...she just seems defeated right now. Our family doesn't show or share our feelings or emotions so it's hard to know what to say.

I moved home from Atlanta to help her when we found out she had cancer the first time. I haven't had a job since. I was just starting to look again because she had been doing so well. When we found out in September about the blood test my older sister said I should hold off looking until we know. Even though I've been helping my mom I still feel like a loser for not working and I worry the longer I go the harder it will be. My other siblings don't help so I feel sort of lost right now.

I say we throughout this post because even though my relationship with my mom has been horrible at times I feel like we are a team when it comes to fighting this cancer.

I wish I could make it all better for her.

Hello Wrangler,

I came here reading through yesterday and began to write a reply to your post but some how couldn't find the right words. However I woke this morning with a few people on my mind, a loved one who has had the worst news, loved ones passed and still fighting, my own uncertain future and you and your Mom too went through my thoughts so I am here again.

It made me realise that even though people have never met/interacted before, this in no way means that we can not feel real empathy and concern when we read of cancer rearing its ugly head again. When I tried to write the first time I was worried my words felt flat and didnt convey my empathy enough so I want to say I am sorry your Mom has to go through this fight again, that I dont think the word loser suits your situation, Hero is the word, it is no easy decision to give up a wage and working life to be with someone 24/7 to support and care for them, many would run a mile, it sounds like you are alone in this job, I commend you for it, I`m sure closing the door and setting off to work some days must be a far easier option. I too had a difficult to say the least relationship with my Mother so again I commend you.

I shall keep you and your Mom in my thoughts, along with the other folk I think of often, sending positive thoughts and wishing gentle days to all who are touched by this fight.

rustedrims · 02-16-2018, 06:22 PM

Thank you everyone !! I am doing good. Saw the doctor today. My hair is growing back from 17 hits of radiation. Still cant drive or go back home by myself yet. Maybe another 2 months. Kinda getting my appetite back. I look different. creepy to me.

rustedrims · 03-14-2018, 12:32 PM

I am doing better now and not feeling to bad. I left moms house Saturday. She just wouldn't let up on me. After 3 days of pressure in my head I thought I probly should go back to my house where my 3 little girls are. My head is better and getting a few things done around here. I get another MRI on April 16 of my head. If my pictures show nothing then I will probly get back to work a few weeks later. I do love my Mom and we are on good terms. Just kinda stressful on me at this time. My heart and prayers go out to everyone and their families that are fighting this unforgiving disease. Fight the fight ! We got this !

Chained Daisy · 03-14-2018, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rustedrims

I am doing better now and not feeling to bad. I left moms house Saturday. She just wouldn't let up on me. After 3 days of pressure in my head I thought I probly should go back to my house where my 3 little girls are. My head is better and getting a few things done around here. I get another MRI on April 16 of my head. If my pictures show nothing then I will probly get back to work a few weeks later. I do love my Mom and we are on good terms. Just kinda stressful on me at this time. My heart and prayers go out to everyone and their families that are fighting this unforgiving disease. Fight the fight ! We got this !

Good to hear you are doing well and making plans. Cancer does have a habit of making us spend a little longer than is comfortable with family and friends doesnt it. More than once I`ve thought to myself "I`m really touched you were so worried I could die, really grateful for you support and advice but honestly...I`ve kinda had enough of you now !"

Laughter is the best medicine !

Wrang1er · 03-27-2018, 07:59 AM

Today is my mom's graduation day. Meaning she is currently having her last chemotherapy session in the series. Then she will have to have a CT scan to see if the cancer is gone.

Yesterday, we went to see her urologist because she has been having pain that radiates around her abdomen to her back on the left and right side. More painful on the left than the right. She is also experiencing pain in her lower abdomen. He said from her last CT scan in October when they found the cancer again that her kidneys looked good, the flow looked good and her kidney function was good. She will have a renal scan to double check. It's hard to say what the cause of this pain is.

I am happy for my mother. This will be the second time she beat cancer (hopefully) and I hope she doesn't have to face it again. We will have to deal with the other health issues that have arisen from the cancer and chemo. Chemo is a bitch.

I feel bad about this but it's hard living with my mother. She is not a nice person. She wasn't before her cancer and she isn't now. She's mean and says mean things. A few weeks ago she said some mean things to me and I got upset. I didn't say anything but I did try to spend time away from her. Then she was sick from her chemo and a UTI and I felt bad. It is such a conflict for me at times. I feel sorry for her and then feel bad that I don't always like her.

I do admire and respect her for the strength and determination she has shown through both battles with cancer. She is a trooper for sure. I don't believe I could have handled it as well as she has. I do love my mother and I want her to be well. I just don't always like her much and that makes me feel sad and conflicted.

Excuse my ramblings. It's a happy day. There's just a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head and I don't know where else to put them.

Wrang1er · 03-27-2018, 09:44 AM

She couldn't get chemo because her white blood cell count was too low.

rustedrims · 03-27-2018, 02:36 PM

I am home now with my cats. It feels good. I get my MRI on the 16th to check things out in my head. I feel ok and getting a few things cleaned up around here. I left Moms on my own. She just wouldn't let up. I couldnt even put the blanket on the bed right. Had enough. When I was there she took very good care of me and I was very comfortable. I believe I over stayed my welcome. She also had a very hard time seeing me with that stuff and not being well. I do love my Mom very much. Its just been hard on all of us. I could eat as much as 3 horses and now I am eating barely enough to keep a mouse alive. Getting better with my appetite. 17 hits of radiation doesn't help either. Seeing the Dr. on the 20th to look at the MRI pictures. As long as things look good I am going to ask for 2 more weeks off then back to work. If things don't work out at work I will be able to retire comfortably. I want to work another year to teach that cancer that it didn't win. I did !

My heart goes out to us all. We will fight the fight and win !
Thank you for reading and caring the way you all do.

Sheila

02-16-2018, 06:22 PM	#2
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Thank you everyone !! I am doing good. Saw the doctor today. My hair is growing back from 17 hits of radiation. Still cant drive or go back home by myself yet. Maybe another 2 months. Kinda getting my appetite back. I look different. creepy to me. __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

03-14-2018, 12:32 PM	#3
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Hi everyone ! I am doing better now and not feeling to bad. I left moms house Saturday. She just wouldn't let up on me. After 3 days of pressure in my head I thought I probly should go back to my house where my 3 little girls are. My head is better and getting a few things done around here. I get another MRI on April 16 of my head. If my pictures show nothing then I will probly get back to work a few weeks later. I do love my Mom and we are on good terms. Just kinda stressful on me at this time. My heart and prayers go out to everyone and their families that are fighting this unforgiving disease. Fight the fight ! We got this ! __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

03-27-2018, 02:36 PM	#7
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I am home now with my cats. It feels good. I get my MRI on the 16th to check things out in my head. I feel ok and getting a few things cleaned up around here. I left Moms on my own. She just wouldn't let up. I couldnt even put the blanket on the bed right. Had enough. When I was there she took very good care of me and I was very comfortable. I believe I over stayed my welcome. She also had a very hard time seeing me with that stuff and not being well. I do love my Mom very much. Its just been hard on all of us. I could eat as much as 3 horses and now I am eating barely enough to keep a mouse alive. Getting better with my appetite. 17 hits of radiation doesn't help either. Seeing the Dr. on the 20th to look at the MRI pictures. As long as things look good I am going to ask for 2 more weeks off then back to work. If things don't work out at work I will be able to retire comfortably. I want to work another year to teach that cancer that it didn't win. I did ! My heart goes out to us all. We will fight the fight and win ! Thank you for reading and caring the way you all do. Sheila __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

03-27-2018, 07:59 AM	#5
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Today is my mom's graduation day. Meaning she is currently having her last chemotherapy session in the series. Then she will have to have a CT scan to see if the cancer is gone. Yesterday, we went to see her urologist because she has been having pain that radiates around her abdomen to her back on the left and right side. More painful on the left than the right. She is also experiencing pain in her lower abdomen. He said from her last CT scan in October when they found the cancer again that her kidneys looked good, the flow looked good and her kidney function was good. She will have a renal scan to double check. It's hard to say what the cause of this pain is. I am happy for my mother. This will be the second time she beat cancer (hopefully) and I hope she doesn't have to face it again. We will have to deal with the other health issues that have arisen from the cancer and chemo. Chemo is a bitch. I feel bad about this but it's hard living with my mother. She is not a nice person. She wasn't before her cancer and she isn't now. She's mean and says mean things. A few weeks ago she said some mean things to me and I got upset. I didn't say anything but I did try to spend time away from her. Then she was sick from her chemo and a UTI and I felt bad. It is such a conflict for me at times. I feel sorry for her and then feel bad that I don't always like her. I do admire and respect her for the strength and determination she has shown through both battles with cancer. She is a trooper for sure. I don't believe I could have handled it as well as she has. I do love my mother and I want her to be well. I just don't always like her much and that makes me feel sad and conflicted. Excuse my ramblings. It's a happy day. There's just a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head and I don't know where else to put them.

03-27-2018, 09:44 AM	#6
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	She couldn't get chemo because her white blood cell count was too low.