Gender/ID breakdown

[JustJo]

Hi Melissa

No snarkiness here, but a genuine question...why do you see your ID changing simply because your partner's ID changes? To me, that feels like the old Mrs. xyz...when a woman's identity, status, etc. was determined by her husband's.

I see the need for gender/ID, a way to describe ourselves...for expediency if nothing else. And let's face it...it's one of the first questions we ask when someone has a baby right? Oooooo....did they have a boy or a girl? It's one of the earliest ways we learn to identify the people in our world. I totally get that not everyone's gender/identity matches their genitals. I am all for everyone identifying themselves any way they feel best represents them.

I guess it just feels weird to me to identify who you are in relation to someone else. Can you talk more about this?

For me, I'm a woman first...lesbian femme second. That's who I am regardless of who I'm with....or if I'm single...or if I'm celibate.

I'd love to hear more about if this change was spurred by any changes within you...or if the changing ID (based on your partner's) inspired any changes in you...if you're willing to share, of course!

Originally Posted by Melissa

I've been thinking about this thread and tracing all the gender IDs I've had over the last 20 years. Here's my ID chain

Gay -> Lesbian -> Lesbian Femme -> stone femme...........


I've noticed that my ID seems to change along with Rufuboi's ID. I was just a plain ol lesbian femme when I met Rufusboi who ID'ed as a stone butch. What's a stone butch, I asked, when we first met. Rufusboi explained. What's a stone femme, I asked. Well, he thought it was a person who dated stone butches. So your now a stone femme, he said. Ok, cool.

Rufusboi is now transitioning and will be going on T. We talked about how he would ID. I asked him will you ID as male, a transman, a FTM. He decided he will ID as a transman. ok, cool.

So now I'm thinking I will change my ID again. Transfemme? Translesbian? Translesbianfemme? Translesbianstonefemme? gaylesbianstonetransfemme?

Oh how I wish for the days of just being gay!

Oh and let's not forget my neighbors think Rufusboi is my husband. It appears, we have just recently discovered, that we pass as a heterosexual couple. Who knew!!!! I'm leaving hetero out of the ID mix though, as its the one thing I've never envisioned myself.

Melissa [the hetero passing gaylesbianstonetransfemme]