Relationships - What things do you want & need? - Page 11

JDeere · 11-28-2015, 09:10 AM

Sex and attention! Lots of both please. If I don't get either often I turn into Mr. Asshole.

VintageFemme · 11-28-2015, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

I feel invisible a lot of the time too.

angelface · 11-28-2015, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VintageFemme

I feel invisible a lot of the time too.

As I get older (and hopefully wiser), I've thrown away the long list of requirements needed to make a relationship perfect for me. If I'm to deeply connect with my potential partner then it is paramount that we truly see each other, hear each other and ultimately understand one another and not use some generic check list of preconceived traits that may or may not meet our true needs, wants and desires.
Yes it's important to have sexual chemistry, a meeting of the minds and an emotional connection but I feel this is often adds to the confused at the start of a relationship when you're in a state of limerence which has no longevity.

Angeltoes · 11-28-2015, 05:52 PM

A few years ago I wanted so much more, but lately I feel like I'm over the whole thing. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend and I don't want sex. Some days I feel otherwise (like when I'm PMS..lol) but I truly think I missed the boat on romantic love and I don't really want it anymore. I prefer things to be decided in life rather than always hoping and waiting for something that's never going to happen. It's a lot easier for me to just accept that life didn't turn out the way I planned, but it's OK. I'm not sad about it. I think it just is the way it is.

In friends I prefer the company of intelligent, creative people, who accept me.

homoe · 11-28-2015, 07:29 PM

I'd settle for witty and good conversation at the point in life! Anything else that might come along afterwards is just gravy!

Chad · 11-28-2015, 07:56 PM

I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers.
A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent.

It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor.

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

Liam · 11-28-2015, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

Chad · 11-28-2015, 09:29 PM

Liam,

Thank you for reading my post and sharing your thoughts.
Best wishes,
Chad

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

angelface · 11-29-2015, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

I agree, logistics shouldn't get in the way of finding love. Maybe I just like a challenge or I'm just hopeful that there is someone for everyone out there somewhere.

JustLovelyJenn · 11-30-2015, 08:54 PM

This made me smile today... and it seemed appropriate for here.

boioboi · 12-01-2015, 12:23 AM

Want: sex (minimum twice a week), homecooked meals, attention, weekly date nights, monthly road trips, listening without fixing things

Need: naked snuggle time on a nightly basis, make out sessions, trust, honesty, authenticity, kisses, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding

JustLovelyJenn · 12-05-2015, 09:10 PM

Chad · 07-10-2016, 07:27 AM

Bumping this thread.

Chad · 07-10-2016, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers.
A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent.

It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor.

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

Update:

I decided not to be so rigid about LDRs as a starting point. The rest of my post is spot on.

JDeere · 07-30-2016, 08:12 PM

Affection, not sex, just affection like hand holding, cuddles and kissing.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD LADIES, SHEESH!

girl_dee · 09-08-2017, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

at the risk of sounding needy I would rather say is that I do best with someone who is not afraid and can handle me! Someone who wants the same things in life as I do, someone who is not afraid to lock the chains to me...someone who is not afraid to cage me. Someone who is interested enough to see past the crap and to the next layer. Someone who is not afraid to give me what I really need especially when I need it. Someone who is real and lives and walks their own truth. Someone who is not afraid to tell me what they need and want. Someone who challenges me and puts me in my place when I push the line. Someone who is tender when it's needed and also throw me to my knees when it's time.. Someone who is not afraid to commit and capable of loving themselves enough to take care of themselves.. someone who takes responsibility seriously and acts accordingly. Someone who I can't live without. Someone willing to walk the walk... not just talk the talk.

and oh, must love dogs.

Seven years later, still true.

Happyfemme · 07-16-2018, 06:36 PM

I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down.
I want the person to be older than I am.

clay · 07-16-2018, 08:27 PM

That is a great list happyfemme. Wishing you much success in finding that in someone.

I love to see love stories happen!

Chad · 07-20-2018, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Update:

I decided not to be so rigid about LDRs as a starting point. The rest of my post is spot on.

Update: no LDRs period.

Reach *BANNED* · 07-20-2018, 05:09 PM

Quite simply - a person who loves and accepts me for me. If I were to have that I would fly to the ends of the Earth to be near the one that gives it. Yes, there are qualities I look for in a potential partner. But, the love and acceptance? That is the foundation of it all.

11-28-2015, 07:56 PM	#206
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,320 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Want and need I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers. A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent. It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor. Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

11-30-2015, 08:54 PM	#210
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,994 Times in 3,685 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	This made me smile today... and it seemed appropriate for here. __________________ --Jenn

12-05-2015, 09:10 PM	#212
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,994 Times in 3,685 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	__________________ --Jenn

07-16-2018, 08:27 PM	#218
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,136 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 97,015 Thanked 31,704 Times in 7,748 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	That is a great list happyfemme. Wishing you much success in finding that in someone. I love to see love stories happen! __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault

11-28-2015, 09:10 AM	#201
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,845 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	Sex and attention! Lots of both please. If I don't get either often I turn into Mr. Asshole.

11-28-2015, 05:52 PM	#204
Angeltoes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Nunya Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Bernlandia Posts: 1,740 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 5,527 Times in 1,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	A few years ago I wanted so much more, but lately I feel like I'm over the whole thing. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend and I don't want sex. Some days I feel otherwise (like when I'm PMS..lol) but I truly think I missed the boat on romantic love and I don't really want it anymore. I prefer things to be decided in life rather than always hoping and waiting for something that's never going to happen. It's a lot easier for me to just accept that life didn't turn out the way I planned, but it's OK. I'm not sad about it. I think it just is the way it is. In friends I prefer the company of intelligent, creative people, who accept me.

11-28-2015, 07:29 PM	#205
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,571 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890	I'd settle for witty and good conversation at the point in life! Anything else that might come along afterwards is just gravy!

12-01-2015, 12:23 AM	#211
boioboi Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: they/them or ze/zer Relationship Status: Happily Committed Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Dreaming of a treehouse Posts: 68 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 55 Thanked 166 Times in 54 Posts Rep Power: 0	Want: sex (minimum twice a week), homecooked meals, attention, weekly date nights, monthly road trips, listening without fixing things Need: naked snuggle time on a nightly basis, make out sessions, trust, honesty, authenticity, kisses, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding

07-10-2016, 07:27 AM	#213
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,320 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Bumping this thread.

07-30-2016, 08:12 PM	#215
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,845 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	Affection, not sex, just affection like hand holding, cuddles and kissing. IT'S NOT THAT HARD LADIES, SHEESH!

07-16-2018, 06:36 PM	#217
Happyfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Engaged Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: United States Posts: 1,666 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,303 Thanked 4,954 Times in 1,497 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down. I want the person to be older than I am.

07-20-2018, 05:09 PM	#220
Reach BANNED Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Scammer. Preferred Pronoun?: Hy Relationship Status: Moratorium Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Where the horses roam.. Posts: 1,369 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,019 Thanked 3,274 Times in 1,018 Posts Rep Power: 0	Quite simply - a person who loves and accepts me for me. If I were to have that I would fly to the ends of the Earth to be near the one that gives it. Yes, there are qualities I look for in a potential partner. But, the love and acceptance? That is the foundation of it all.