Caregivers and Stress

Chad · 07-25-2018, 06:50 PM

We are in the last big push to get mom moved out. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

I hope that on August 1st I can go to work and this will all be over.

JDeere · 07-25-2018, 09:25 PM

Im about to the point of leaving the house and living out of my truck. Mom bitches at me cuz she thinks im mean when i talk to my dad. NO he needs the truth, its his fault that hes in the predicament he is in, hes non complaint, eats whatever he wants, etc. He has the balls to yell at me for drinking a soda, i said im not diabetic and i dont have problems like he does, so im mean.

Im sorry if i was diabetic i would abide by the diet and take meds without bitching, ive done without soda and junk food before i sure as fuck can do it again IF needed.

Also he goes to the doctor and does not ask questions, he gets mad if i or my mom ask for him. They wont allow him to have anti depressants and its bs. Hes obsessive and depressed but all i hear is that doctors dont give people his age those meds bullshit they give dementia/Alzheimer's meds that contain anti depressants, his mom was on them.

Im about done with it all.

Kelt · 07-28-2018, 11:42 AM

PBS Newshour is running a series every Thursday addressing some current options/issues facing caregivers. The first two have focused on using outside help, a subject I am personally aquainted with. They are good to know about options and these episodes so far have been pretty accurate in my personal experience. They run about 10 minutes each.

*I’m not aware of how to imbed non-YouTube videos, so the links will have to do.*

This one is about hourly private help; the shortages/expenses and how poorly the jobs pay:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/wh...-pay-so-poorly

The one from the week before deals with Adult Family/Foster homes specifically in Oregon. State laws are highly variable and a lot of research is required. In my experience the best care is highly sought after and therefore hard to find. Word of mouth.

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/in...or-the-elderly

One thing I know of from discussing with others around the country is that the pricing is very regionally dependent and needs to be investigated on a case by case basis. I found that the prices quoted in the videos are low compared to what I have seen in central WA state where my mother lives.

Kelt · 07-28-2018, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

We are in the last big push to get mom moved out. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

I hope that on August 1st I can go to work and this will all be over.

Having moved my mother twice in the last three years you have my direct sympathies.

Chad · 07-31-2018, 07:58 AM

Day 35 of moving mom. I am exhausted in everyway. The sheer mass of her her stuff is overwhelming. Today they deliver a dumpster.

MsTinkerbelly · 07-31-2018, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Day 35 of moving mom. I am exhausted in everyway. The sheer mass of her her stuff is overwhelming. Today they deliver a dumpster.

After my Mom passed away we had to go through some of the stress you have faced...it feels like never ending torture! I was determined that my daughter wouldn’t have to go through it when I am gone.

Take a deep breath, you got this!

Chad · 08-05-2018, 08:33 AM

The move will not be over this weekend. It is hot and I am overwhelmed. Yesterday was hard loading and unloading by myself. Thank goodness mom cuts me a break when I rage over the heat and the mass of her stuff. We now have one shed on my land and two rentals.

We are taking today off. Yay!

Chad · 08-08-2018, 06:23 AM

The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.

MsTinkerbelly · 08-08-2018, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.

The end is in sight! Just imagine how much relief you will feel to have your mother close enough to care for...it made all the difference to me during my moms final days.

Breathe deep, and remember that you got this!

Kelt · 08-08-2018, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.

You will get there, it just may not feel like it!

I did have to hire some outside help with my mom since her move was predicated by my father's death there was the house with a lifetime of accumulation going nowhere to deal with. I was moving her into an apartment and did the packing for her and then hired an estate broker to take care of liquidating the things she wasn't taking, then to a trustee to sell the house since I was commuting from another state.

When moving her from her apt to the house where she currently lives it was sort of the same but much smaller and no house sale, still renting a van to haul some few things to my house 400 miles away and the load/unload feature wasn't fun.

This last was 4 months ago and I rented a small storage unit for her seasonal clothes and the giant archive of slides and photos (3 family members past were avid photogs) as it turned out, when I was there in July we found a place within her current place for all of her clothes and other personal items and I brought the archive to my house so we were able to get rid of the storage unit and replace that with half a bedroom in my house.

Don't know about your mom's condition, but you may find over time that those belongings mean less to her and you will get to begin the endless shuffle in new and never-ending ways...

Chin up, the end of this phase is near.

Chained Daisy · 08-10-2018, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.

Hoping you made the deadline Chad. Sounds like you have worked very hard on this move, I hope you will have some downtime and youtime scheduled soon and that your Mom gets nicely settled into her new pad.

07-25-2018, 06:50 PM	#1
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers We are in the last big push to get mom moved out. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I hope that on August 1st I can go to work and this will all be over.

07-25-2018, 09:25 PM	#2
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,835 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Im about to the point of leaving the house and living out of my truck. Mom bitches at me cuz she thinks im mean when i talk to my dad. NO he needs the truth, its his fault that hes in the predicament he is in, hes non complaint, eats whatever he wants, etc. He has the balls to yell at me for drinking a soda, i said im not diabetic and i dont have problems like he does, so im mean. Im sorry if i was diabetic i would abide by the diet and take meds without bitching, ive done without soda and junk food before i sure as fuck can do it again IF needed. Also he goes to the doctor and does not ask questions, he gets mad if i or my mom ask for him. They wont allow him to have anti depressants and its bs. Hes obsessive and depressed but all i hear is that doctors dont give people his age those meds bullshit they give dementia/Alzheimer's meds that contain anti depressants, his mom was on them. Im about done with it all. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

07-31-2018, 07:58 AM	#5
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers Day 35 of moving mom. I am exhausted in everyway. The sheer mass of her her stuff is overwhelming. Today they deliver a dumpster.

08-05-2018, 08:33 AM	#7
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers The move will not be over this weekend. It is hot and I am overwhelmed. Yesterday was hard loading and unloading by myself. Thank goodness mom cuts me a break when I rage over the heat and the mass of her stuff. We now have one shed on my land and two rentals. We are taking today off. Yay!

08-08-2018, 06:23 AM	#8
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights. On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again. Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.

07-28-2018, 11:42 AM	#3
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,289 Times in 2,539 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	PBS Newshour is running a series every Thursday addressing some current options/issues facing caregivers. The first two have focused on using outside help, a subject I am personally aquainted with. They are good to know about options and these episodes so far have been pretty accurate in my personal experience. They run about 10 minutes each. I’m not aware of how to imbed non-YouTube videos, so the links will have to do. This one is about hourly private help; the shortages/expenses and how poorly the jobs pay: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/wh...-pay-so-poorly The one from the week before deals with Adult Family/Foster homes specifically in Oregon. State laws are highly variable and a lot of research is required. In my experience the best care is highly sought after and therefore hard to find. Word of mouth. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/in...or-the-elderly One thing I know of from discussing with others around the country is that the pricing is very regionally dependent and needs to be investigated on a case by case basis. I found that the prices quoted in the videos are low compared to what I have seen in central WA state where my mother lives.