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Old 12-05-2015, 09:53 PM   #461
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Don't break those balls! (we're decorating the tree)
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Old 01-07-2016, 02:05 AM   #462
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My nephew to his mom, who is in the restroom...

"You should think of happy things while you go mom, to make it go faster, like I do. I think about Ice Cream, Kittens and You!."
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Old 04-25-2016, 09:06 PM   #463
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I'm the happiest when I'm picking on someone.

Really? Like who? ???

You, the cats, it doesn't matter.

You crack me up! !!
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Old 05-14-2016, 04:09 AM   #464
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Roomie: I wonder what kind of bird that is...
Me: I think it's an oriole.
Roomie: Never heard of it.
Me: You never heard of an oriole?
Roomie: Nope.
Me: How could you never hear of an oriole? There's even a baseball team with that name...
the Baltimore Orioles....
Roomie: Oh. I thought they were named after the cookie.
Me: The cookie?.....(momentarily stumped, then...)You mean Oreos?
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Old 05-28-2016, 12:18 AM   #465
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Boyfriend leans over, rubs my butt and says:

It's like Buddha's belly...but Shannon's butt!

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Old 06-21-2016, 07:40 PM   #466
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Last night was a full moon. Impulsively, I began howling while I was driving. I tried to coax my daughter into howling with me. She wasn't going to play with me, coaxing, begging, threatening...nada. So, I continued to howl because it's ridiculously fun. As we pull into the garage and I turn off the car, my daughter looks at me very seriously and says,"You're ruining this family with your behavior."
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:42 PM   #467
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My 15 year old asked me for her social security card because she was filling out an application for a job. I told her that we'd have to get a new card. As she is walking off I hear, "Great, Donald Trump is going to deport me."
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Old 04-30-2017, 12:35 AM   #468
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*as we're playing Super Smash Brothers at 1 a.m. as Donkey and Diddy Kong, and during a boss fight he jumps in front of me and gets blasted away*

"I got you, boo - even as a big hairy gorilla I still protect you!"

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Old 04-14-2018, 10:39 PM   #469
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Default His reaction to all the boxes of baby wipes I bought at action..

Blade: Did we have a baby I don't know about?
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Old 04-15-2018, 04:00 AM   #470
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As I was drfting off to sleep in the recliner, I hear my roomie say stop licking my bellybutton! I open my eyes to see Briar sitting on her lap and her cracking up, saying she's (Briar) never seen my bellybutton.
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Old 04-15-2018, 10:29 AM   #471
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Mom, a body has been found in the park near town.

A dead one.
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Old 04-30-2018, 09:29 PM   #472
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With my momma standing in the kitchen as an innocent bystander...I asked a friend if they liked the treat I brought them?

With a very delighted look on their face, they responded "Yes! I like it like that so I can suck on it!"



I didn't know beef jerky required sucking on it.
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Old 04-30-2018, 09:39 PM   #473
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Later, after mom had moved to the couch...
I asked that same friend if I should use a certain roll of material to make an easier path to the table for momma at camp?
They warned me "absolutely not, that stuff's slicker than a minner."

I turned to mom to tell her "he usually says "slicker than a minner's dick."
He gets all goofy faced and says "Yes, I usually do, but never in front of your mom".

I thought mom was gonna leave a puddle from laughing so hard.

(Btw..."minner" is Southern for minnow.)
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Old 07-08-2018, 04:15 PM   #474
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Ummmm I think the sheep have escaped again. .. followed by...

F*ck.

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Old 09-13-2018, 05:59 AM   #475
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Now that school is back in session three of my nephews come here before and after school.

Yesterday I was sitting outside with them while they were riding their bikes. The seat on the bike that the 11 yr. old was riding tilted back and as he called it "slingshotted his balls". As I proceeded to fix the seat to kept this from happening again the three boys had "ball talk" for at least the next 30 minutes. The things these boys say.
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:20 AM   #476
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Originally Posted by Wrang1er View Post
Now that school is back in session three of my nephews come here before and after school.

Yesterday I was sitting outside with them while they were riding their bikes. The seat on the bike that the 11 yr. old was riding tilted back and as he called it "slingshotted his balls". As I proceeded to fix the seat to kept this from happening again the three boys had "ball talk" for at least the next 30 minutes. The things these boys say.
..................
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Old 09-13-2018, 03:48 PM   #477
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::from the desk of the honey badger:: "fyi, remember the woman who gave the Trump motorcade the finger from her bike?" (me) "yes?" .............."well she's running for office" (wry smile~ from the honey badger..."she'll get my vote" (me) "ha...mine too"
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Old 09-13-2018, 08:47 PM   #478
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Originally Posted by Wrang1er View Post
Now that school is back in session three of my nephews come here before and after school.

Yesterday I was sitting outside with them while they were riding their bikes. The seat on the bike that the 11 yr. old was riding tilted back and as he called it "slingshotted his balls". As I proceeded to fix the seat to kept this from happening again the three boys had "ball talk" for at least the next 30 minutes. The things these boys say.
what is it with boys and "ball " talk ~ my grandson and his friends talk ball talk too ! 11 yrs old they are lol I guess this is how they have a ball lololol ( laughs at myself ) lolol silly's
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Old 09-14-2018, 05:56 AM   #479
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what is it with boys and "ball " talk ~ my grandson and his friends talk ball talk too ! 11 yrs old they are lol I guess this is how they have a ball lololol ( laughs at myself ) lolol silly's
Lol... that's funny, ocean. I'm glad it's not just these boys!
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