Stone--Personal Definitions

[Kätzchen]

HSIS??? Hi there!

On what being "Stone" means to me:

(on a sensual/sexual level): A part of me wants to say that I identify with being Stone because of my system of boundaries. I prefer my lover/partner to be Stone because I view myself as receiving in sensual/sexual ways and submitting to the flow of energy exchange, in this type of relationship dynamic. This feels natural to me.

(on a personal level): My willingness to take on a Stone identity also infers that I am okay with being on my own and cognizant that my Femme-ness (and relationship skills) compliments - as if dovetailing with greatest of ease - with other beings who identify with being Stone.



PS/ It's good to read other thoughts pertaining to how one percieves being Stone.

[Daryn]

Bit, one of the things I want to tease out of you is clarification on this....

"it's very common for a Stonefemme to be the wife and a Stone Butch to be, if not the husband, the husbutch, in a more old-fashioned, less strictly egalitarian kind of relationship"

Can you touch on or give examples of how you think it's "a less strictly egalitarian relationship"? The reason I ask is that when I think of an old-fashioned relationship, I think of my nonna and her second husband (not married to the first for very long and so this the relationship I saw her in all my life). They got married in the '30s. They were both working class and both held jobs outside of the house. Within the house, she cooked, he washed dishes, she did laundry, he did yard work (but she had a veggie garden which he tilled and then she tended with occassional help), they divided house cleaning. He might have worn the pants and done the driving if they were both in the car, but she was a powerful force in that house. They had their ups and downs. But they stuck it out through everything. And I never saw her as less than equal to him not even as a kid.

Admittedly, there were very different dynamics in the house I grew up in. But I would have never called my parents old-fashioned either nor are either of them traditional in much of any sense, except for my father trying to be an MCP.

[Bit]

Ah but Daryn, I wasn't thinking about straight relationships when I posted... I was thinking about the kind of Lesbian Feminist relationships I came out of, where everything was strictly equal and exact reciprocity was the rule--you know, "I go down on you, so you must go down on me; I go out to work so you must go out to work; I cooked supper tonight so you must cook supper tomorrow"--strictly reciprocal in all things, yanno?

So to me, a Stone relationship is a relationship between equals, yes, but it's a power exchange and things are not set up to be strictly reciprocal.

[Daryn]

Originally Posted by Bit

Ah but Daryn, I wasn't thinking about straight relationships when I posted... I was thinking about the kind of Lesbian Feminist relationships I came out of, where everything was strictly equal and exact reciprocity was the rule--you know, "I go down on you, so you must go down on me; I go out to work so you must go out to work; I cooked supper tonight so you must cook supper tomorrow"--strictly reciprocal in all things, yanno?

So to me, a Stone relationship is a relationship between equals, yes, but it's a power exchange and things are not set up to be strictly reciprocal.

OK. That makes sense to me. It's been a long time since I was in a relationship anything like you are describing and I've never seen that as any kind of *for me* iconic relationship.