Any Other Adoptees Here? (Posts from non-adoptees also welcome)

JDeere · 02-09-2020, 08:17 PM

So as I posted on another thread...

My dna was linked to several members of my biological fathers family...

I have 3 more half sisters and 1 more half brother to add to my brood.

In total this makes 14 half siblings....

With alot more nieces, nephews, greats.

They do not live that far from me so hopefully a visit will be in order soon to hang out and meet these newbies....

My bio father passed in 1999 at age 48/49 of lung cancer.

So I kinda have closure in a sense but still so many unanswered questions.

JDeere · 02-23-2020, 01:40 PM

Since both my bio parents are deceased, I am having some issues with my own identity of who I really am.

IDK if anyone else can relate, like you were raised by someone else but that isn't who you are, know what I mean?

Chad · 03-01-2020, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere

Since both my bio parents are deceased, I am having some issues with my own identity of who I really am.

IDK if anyone else can relate, like you were raised by someone else but that isn't who you are, know what I mean?

I get that. Both my bio parents passed. Fortunately, I was able to meet them and my siblings. At forty I learned where my blood came from and our health history. Even so, I feel a little alone in this world.

Chad · 03-01-2020, 08:56 AM

Being adopted is a mixed bag for me. I will not speak for other adoptees just for me. I am so grateful that I was given a chance to live and not aborted. However, my life has felt transitory like I had no anchor. I think that it has shown up in my relationships with friends and partners. Everything is temporary to me.

I had a coworker back in the 80's (during my disco days) say to me "everyone can be replaced". I think that stuck with me because I was re replaced.

Just a little insight into an adoptees world.

Uli · 03-01-2020, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Being adopted is a mixed bag for me. I will not speak for other adoptees just for me. I am so grateful that I was given a chance to live and not aborted. However, my life has felt transitory like I had no anchor. I think that it has shown up in my relationships with friends and partners. Everything is temporary to me.

I had a coworker back in the 80's (during my disco days) say to me "everyone can be replaced". I think that stuck with me because I was re replaced.

Just a little insight into an adoptees world.

That unanchored/no roots/can't fully attach thing is something I experience, too. And, it's a very commonly expressed experience on the adult adoptee forum I posted a link to earlier in the thread. Reading other adoptees describe feelings that are familiar to me has been somewhat healing, but still, the feeling persists. There are some psychologists who believe that adoption trauma is some of the hardest trauma to work through, since the source occurred before we were verbal.

Chad · 03-01-2020, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uli

That unanchored/no roots/can't fully attach thing is something I experience, too. And, it's a very commonly expressed experience on the adult adoptee forum I posted a link to earlier in the thread. Reading other adoptees describe feelings that are familiar to me has been somewhat healing, but still, the feeling persists. There are some psychologists who believe that adoption trauma is some of the hardest trauma to work through, since the source occurred before we were verbal.

Thank you Uli, I get that. It is a hard road. Now I am the caregiver to my adopted mom. I can not even articulate the stress in this situation. Thanks for hearing me.

Uli · 07-08-2020, 07:01 PM

Hello to my fellow adoptees! I haven't been here in a while.

I met the woman who gave birth to me and spent the last year getting to know her and some of her family. She came to Michigan to have dinner with my wife and me (among other things, her brother and mother live here in Michigan). And I got to spend my 42nd birthday with her, her husband, and her two other children in Buffalo. It was my first time seeing Niagra Falls, breathtaking!

I learned a lot, gained much insight, but it turns out that we can't sustain a relationship at this time. My trauma plus her unresolved guilt and shame just can't mix right now, maybe ever. It's up to her now. I set up some strong boundaries last week but allowed for her to email me occasionally if she wishes.

I had a significant mental health crisis just a couple of days later. It was bad enough that the timeline is very jumbled in my head. I don't know how directly related they were because my thyroid simultaneously went into way overdrive. It's usually underactive, for which I take medication.

I have a newfound appreciation for my adoptive parents, while still understanding their flaws and the boundaries I need with them in order to stay safe and sane.

My medications have been adjusted over the last few days and I am feeling much better, peaceful and energetic. I would even venture to use the word happy!

Thanks for reading. Would love to hear how all of you are doing in these strange times.

Chad · 03-01-2020, 06:31 PM

I think that the hardship comes with the fact that we had no choice for our life. I chose to go to college and no one paid my way I paid for a better life. I feel like I have been alone since birth. Everything that I have today came from my own blood, sweat, and tears.

03-01-2020, 08:56 AM	#4
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,315 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Adoptees Being adopted is a mixed bag for me. I will not speak for other adoptees just for me. I am so grateful that I was given a chance to live and not aborted. However, my life has felt transitory like I had no anchor. I think that it has shown up in my relationships with friends and partners. Everything is temporary to me. I had a coworker back in the 80's (during my disco days) say to me "everyone can be replaced". I think that stuck with me because I was re replaced. Just a little insight into an adoptees world.

03-01-2020, 06:31 PM	#8
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,315 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Adoptees I think that the hardship comes with the fact that we had no choice for our life. I chose to go to college and no one paid my way I paid for a better life. I feel like I have been alone since birth. Everything that I have today came from my own blood, sweat, and tears.

02-09-2020, 08:17 PM	#1
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,836 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	So as I posted on another thread... My dna was linked to several members of my biological fathers family... I have 3 more half sisters and 1 more half brother to add to my brood. In total this makes 14 half siblings.... With alot more nieces, nephews, greats. They do not live that far from me so hopefully a visit will be in order soon to hang out and meet these newbies.... My bio father passed in 1999 at age 48/49 of lung cancer. So I kinda have closure in a sense but still so many unanswered questions.

02-23-2020, 01:40 PM	#2
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,836 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Since both my bio parents are deceased, I am having some issues with my own identity of who I really am. IDK if anyone else can relate, like you were raised by someone else but that isn't who you are, know what I mean?

07-08-2020, 07:01 PM	#7
Uli Member How Do You Identify?: fat girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: - Posts: 112 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 173 Thanked 529 Times in 104 Posts Rep Power: 3865493	Hello to my fellow adoptees! I haven't been here in a while. I met the woman who gave birth to me and spent the last year getting to know her and some of her family. She came to Michigan to have dinner with my wife and me (among other things, her brother and mother live here in Michigan). And I got to spend my 42nd birthday with her, her husband, and her two other children in Buffalo. It was my first time seeing Niagra Falls, breathtaking! I learned a lot, gained much insight, but it turns out that we can't sustain a relationship at this time. My trauma plus her unresolved guilt and shame just can't mix right now, maybe ever. It's up to her now. I set up some strong boundaries last week but allowed for her to email me occasionally if she wishes. I had a significant mental health crisis just a couple of days later. It was bad enough that the timeline is very jumbled in my head. I don't know how directly related they were because my thyroid simultaneously went into way overdrive. It's usually underactive, for which I take medication. I have a newfound appreciation for my adoptive parents, while still understanding their flaws and the boundaries I need with them in order to stay safe and sane. My medications have been adjusted over the last few days and I am feeling much better, peaceful and energetic. I would even venture to use the word happy! Thanks for reading. Would love to hear how all of you are doing in these strange times.