Femme Invisibility?

[clementinefemme]

Also, they asked me deeply invasive sexual questions, which I don't think they would have done had I been "normal" to them. We don't know each other well enough to have those kinds of conversations at this point and I don't like that my identity is immediately sexualized in their eyes.

Instead of getting to know me a person, they were hyper-fixated on what I do in the bedroom, which made me feel like even more of a freak. I just tried to deflect the questions, but I could tell that upset them.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by clementinefemme

Also, they asked me deeply invasive sexual questions, which I don't think they would have done had I been "normal" to them. We don't know each other well enough to have those kinds of conversations at this point and I don't like that my identity is immediately sexualized in their eyes.

Instead of getting to know me a person, they were hyper-fixated on what I do in the bedroom, which made me feel like even more of a freak. I just tried to deflect the questions, but I could tell that upset them.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've been in a similar situation, but I don't have any words of wisdom. On occasion I've answered those kinds of questions and judgements with "When was the last time someone questioned the validity of YOUR preferred 'type'?", and "When was the last time someone asked you whether you or your partner 'wears the pants' in bed?" That shuts them up, but it doesn't stop them from judging me silently. I once caught an extremely negative reaction to a matter-of-fact mention of butch/femme dynamics to a straight woman who I used to work with. (It came up in a conversation which I didn't initiate.) She never looked me in the eye again, and that was the last time she hired me.

I hope you find better, less judgmental friends.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by clementinefemme

Also, they asked me deeply invasive sexual questions, which I don't think they would have done had I been "normal" to them. We don't know each other well enough to have those kinds of conversations at this point and I don't like that my identity is immediately sexualized in their eyes.

Instead of getting to know me a person, they were hyper-fixated on what I do in the bedroom, which made me feel like even more of a freak. I just tried to deflect the questions, but I could tell that upset them.

I'd say that person handed you an unexpected "gift" in being able to identify problematic behavioral issues.

Anybody, whether it's in person or someone you interact with on the internet or social media website, who is, as you stated in your post above, "hyper-fixated on what you do in the bedroom" or "immediately sexualizes your identity" is handing you a big giant Red Flag about them personally.

Consider yourself fortunate that they revealed this aspect about themselves because it saves you from any number of unfortunate scenarios between yourself and the person who reveals these types of problematic behavioral issues.

I like it that you place your own personal safety and security first. Consider your observations about this type of individual as a job well done.

PS/ welcome to the community.