Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I don't like it, it's degrading, it's mean, it's ugly and it makes is sound that if we chose to give birth to our children that we have no more value than some form of cattle...

[JakeTulane]

I will weigh in... which I usually do not do. However, I have to say I detest the word "breeder" and agree that it is degrading and when it is used it is as though a woman who has had children is some form of animal and has just been bred only to be led to pasture. We are all here by a man's sperm. I do not feel that My Mom "bred" Me.

[Spirit Dancer]

SF
I agree with you it's disgusting and rude, what if their mother
was called a breeder? I love my children and am no less part of this community
because I had a child.If it weren't for those who give birth the
cycle of life ends.

[SuperFemme]

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

[Nat]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other

If this is true, I wonder what the percentages are. This could explain a lot of behavior in the world. The isms and such. I wonder if there is a remedy?

[JakeTulane]

I believe that people will say what they want to say and use terms they want to use. However, when another person makes it KNOWN that is bothers them in some way .. or they find it hurtful... then perhaps the one using the term should at the very least .. respect that and let the offended person know they were "heard".

[suebee]

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

I haven't heard it used in a good-hearted way, but I think it's used in several contexts. I've heard vehemently child-free people use this term about those who have kids too. The first time I heard it used, it was by a gay man talking about straight people. But there's also the gold star lesbian vs breeder context - which I find most painful. I don't have kids (sadly), but I definitely have a past that included straight cisgender men, and I don't want my own dear community shaming me for that past.

[suebee]

Originally Posted by Nat

I haven't heard it used in a good-hearted way, but I think it's used in several contexts. I've heard vehemently child-free people use this term about those who have kids too.

Toward females only?

[Spirit Dancer]

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

Some of us homosexual are referred to as breeders...

Hence the hierarchy in our queerness.. We are viewed as less than.

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Some of us homosexual are referred to as breeders...

Hence the hierarchy in our queerness.. We are viewed as less than.

Snow
I swear when I came out, and a butch referred to me as a breeder
I flipped, she said Queers don't have kids.
Mind you her mom was queer, so I pointed to said Mom and said,
your kiddo thinks I'm a breeder so therefore I cannot be queer.
Said mom goes to baby butch and says, pssst I'm no SOB breeder
and whomps her across the head. Thump as lesson learned

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

Can you use it in a sentence in a good hearted joking way?

I'm really super curious as to what that sounds like.

I'm not being snarky, I just don't know how that could be so.

As far as differentiating between heterosexuals and homosexuals I think that is still just as rude. Women are not bred. Men are not studded out. Homo's are parents too, so I don't get the differentiation.

[suebee]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Can you use it in a sentence in a good hearted joking way?

I'm really super curious as to what that sounds like.

I'm not being snarky, I just don't know how that could be so.

As far as differentiating between heterosexuals and homosexuals I think that is still just as rude. Women are not bred. Homo's are parents too, so I don't get the differentiation.

I won't give an example as the difference between something said in a non-harmful way and an insulting way is most often not in the words but in the context, tone, etc. However that's just the background of the usage I'm aware of. My real question is whether or not people think it's in reference to women only.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Women are not bred.

Women in this country are groomed to breed/reproduce/carry on the human race/however you choose to say it.

Because women are seen as objects. Whores and mothers. Sinner or saint. They're not seen as individuals. Housekeepers and secretaries. And if they don't want to have kids, there's something wrong with them...or they hate men. And every thing they do is (supposedly) done for the benefit of a man or to get a man. Don't believe me? Pink is on the cover of Cosmo this month talking about sex secrets...because even someone as strong as Pink is catering to a man and worried about 'keeping her man happy'.

It started with religion, and it's perpetrated through a sexist culture. Girls and women are sooooo groomed for it that they can't even decide for themselves if they can have an abortion.

It's in every commercial geared toward women, and it's perpetuated in every commercial for children. "Take care of these precious little ponies". "Take care of this little baby". "Clean the house with this play set". "Make your baby dinner with this kitchen set". "Put make up on, so you can get a man, so you can have babies".

So, seriously, you think girls/women aren't bombarded with this message from the second that F goes on that birth certificate?


Honestly,
Dylan

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

Right. This is the only way that I have heard the term used - as a synonmyn for heterosexual. Whether one actually had children had nothing to do with the definition of the term. However, I will say that I have only used the word used by a couple of people, once or twice, quite a number of years ago.

No matter how the term is used, it is insulting and hurtful to others (any others). It shouldn't be used.

[Spirit Dancer]

I am first a women
foremost a mother
I am a parent
I've been with child
I'm queer
I'm steadfast in my voice and
I'm not nor do I care for the word breeder.

[Martina]

i have strong feelings about this even though i have not had a child. i have been dissed on a couple of threads for suggesting that not every parent can have it all -- the career they want and being a good parent. It doesn't always work that way even if it should.

Anyway. Most places in the world, women do not have the choice to not have children. That's a given. That's wrong. BUT it's a separate issue.

Once someone has a child, that is, in my opinion, something to be respected, valued, and supported. If i err, it's on the side of romanticizing the work of parenting and the connection between parent and child. i can not see any excuse for ever denigrating it. It needs to be more respected, more valued in our culture and around the world. Liberation for women is not gotten through undervaluing how most women spend their time.

Most women, no matter how poor, sick, or oppressed, find ways to parent well and have rich and meaningful connections with their children. They invest their lives in their children. Whether they should have had to get pregnant or not, that investment deserves respect. Huge amounts of respect.

i do not think girls should be taught not to want to parent, not to value parenting as a life goal. i think boys should be taught to be more invested in parenting, to think of it as something they should prepare for and imagine and dream of.

People are always going to have babies, and it will be a decades or longer -- probably much longer -- before women on this planet always do so voluntarily.

But devaluing their contributions is devaluing their lives. However else they might have chosen to live, being a mom is the life most are leading. And it's hugely valuable.

To me, it's sacred. However a child came into this world, once she is here, the world must welcome her and honor those who guide her along her way.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by T D

Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful!

To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways!

you SuperFemme!

Good points TD. I am still going to hold on to the hope that WE can be the change. I'm weird like that.

you too.

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

Thank Goodness for sons is right. And their amazing Mommas that raise them with awareness.