The Chalkboard

[Fancy]

I know it's long, but a couple made me snort soda....

• I will not carve gods.
• I will not spank others.
• I will not aim for the head.
• I will not barf unless I'm sick
• I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
• I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
• I will not conduct my own fire drills.
• Funny noises are not funny.
• I will not snap bras.
• I will not fake seizures.
• This punishment is not boring and pointless.
• My name is not Dr. Death.
• I will not defame New Orleans.
• I will not prescribe medication.
• I will not bury the new kid.
• I will not teach others to fly.
• I will not bring sheep to class.
• A burp is not an answer.
• Teacher is not a leper.
• Coffee is not for kids.
• I will not eat things for money.
• I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
• The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
• I will not call the principal "spud head".
• Goldfish don't bounce.
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
• No one is interested in my underpants.
• I will not sell miracle cures.
• I will return the seeing-eye dog.
• I do not have diplomatic immunity.
• I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
• I will never win an emmy.
• The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
• All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
• I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
• I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
• My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
• I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
• I am not deliciously saucy.
• Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
• There are plenty of businesses like show business.
• Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
• I will not waste chalk.
• I will not skateboard in the halls.
• I will not instigate revolution.
• I will not draw naked ladies in class.
• I did not see Elvis.
• I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
• Garlic gum is not funny.
• They are laughing at me, not with me.
• I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
• I will not fake my way through life.
• Tar is not a plaything.
• I will not Xerox my butt.
• It's potato, not potatoe.
• I will not trade pants with others.
• I am not a 32 year old woman.
• I will not do that thing with my tongue.
• I will not drive the principal's car.
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
• I will not sell school property.
• I will not cut corners.
• I will not get very far with this attitude.
• I will not belch the National Anthem.
• I will not sell land in Florida.
• I will not grease the monkey bars.
• I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
• I will not do anything bad ever again.
• I will not show off.
• I will not sleep through my education.
• I am not a dentist.
• Spitwads are not free speech.
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
• High explosives and school don't mix.
• Hamsters cannot fly.
• I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
• I will not squeak chalk.
• I will finish what I sta
• "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
• Underwear should be worn on the inside.
• The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
• I will not torment the emotionally frail.
• I will not send lard through the mail.
• I will not use abbrev.
• Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
• Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
• I will not dissect things unless instructed.
• I will not hang donuts on my person.
• No one wants to hear my armpits.
• I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
• I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
• I will not strut around like I own the place.
• Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
• The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
• I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
• I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
• The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
• I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
• Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
• I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
• Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
• I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr..
• I am not certified to remove asbestos.
• "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
• I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
• I will remember to take my medication.
• The boys room is not a water park.
• Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
• Nerve gas is not a toy.